Hey grrrl heyyyyyyyy!

It’s been a while since I sat down to write a blog.  We’ve had @spunkycanuck on the blog and doing such a wonderful job, that I’ve been slacking!  Anyway, the purpose of this blog is to share some info with you that I’ve yet to try out, but wanted to get a jump start on helping share the info.

A lot of you know our Long time grrrlfriend @firehoseincarnita on IG.  She’s been battling some crazy-ass mold issue that is basically trying to kill her.  But in true grrrl spirit, she’s fighting through it like a BOSS!  Anyway, Gretchen knows that I have to pee ALL THE TIME.  So she hooked me up with the gals over at Apex Medical.  They sent me this magical wand you stick up the vajayjay that uses electrical stimulation to cause your pelvic floor muscles to contract.


Now, personally I think the reason I have to pee all the time is because I generally drink a gallon of water a day.  But since I’ve been basically living out of a suitcase since March 1st, I’ve dropped my water intake dramatically and haven’t found myself having to pee nearly as much as usual.  And to be frank, I have a really strong pelvic floor and great muscle control.  (Confirmed by my last planned parenthood visit lol)

That being said, I know we have A LOT of women who’ve done the miraculous act of pushing a TINY HUMAN out of their body, and find themselves peeing when hitting certain lifts hard, jumping, or doing other various activities.

Keep in mind I have yet to try this machine out myself yet,  I do NOT get paid to promote in any way, shape or form, and  I don’t have a discount code to offer you.  Just a pathway to explore.

And in the meantime, if Bear Guilles can drink his own piss and survive, I don’t see it a problem that anyone tinkles a bit when training.  Or laughing.  Or sneezing for that matter!

I’ll report back once I get onto test driving the “wand”, but in the meantime, if any of you want to check it out, you can find their website https://www.incontrolmedical.com





As we’re rolling into GL18- I thought I’d share some thoughts with you. 

This screenshot of my personal accounts are all negative balances except my checking account with $184.07 in it. 

The $25,000 loan and my credit card just bridging $7,000 are all expenses from GL17. 

I’m not financially irresponsible, just uneducated.

My dad got me my first pretend checkbook when I was 14?  But when I started using drugs and drinking at 17, needless to say I wasn’t the most financially responsible person. I remember the first time I learned I owed my bank $1200 from the mysterious “reserve line” I wasn’t even aware I had.  Apparently when you deposit a check, only $100 of it is available for the first 24 hours until it clears.  #whoops. I also remember when I bought my first house, and after the first year, I looked at the actual statement, and noticed that I had basically paid zero off the principal of the loan, and that my mortgage of $2300 was going towards interest.  I was gutted.  I hate owing people money, I hate being late on payments, and I always do my best to keep my credit score in at least the Low 700’s.

Anyway, I digress…..

Financial insecurity has always been a ‘thing’ for me.  I grew up in a hard working middle class family.  I never went without anything, but I was always feelings like we never had enough.  Could potentially be alcoholism, but I don’t have the mental capacity to go into that right now.

This picture was yesterday, 12 hours at a desk working on the event, but I’m actually writing this blog from the back of a van, with bags of inventory piled around me in trash bags as myself and my two wing grrrls, drive towards Vegas for 2018.  I still have a lot to do leading up to this event which is only FIVE DAYS away from happening now.  But at least unlike last year (our first year), I wasn’t just diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and sleep deprived for 2 weeks!

But as we roll into GL18, I look at the debts I took on from my personal account, to pull this event off.  We took out several loans, and have spent the majority of 2017 paying them off, but have yet to touch my personal debts.  The credit card was used for AV costs, and the cash flow manager loan was used to pay The Artisan hotel, to take over the hotel.

Clearly, we had to learn that lesson the hard way.  After GL17, there were SEVERAL times we nearly rolled up our doors due to the inability to get ahead.  But of course, we’ve always found a way, and looking back on our recent IGG campaign, YOU all found a way……

So now, with GL18 just days away, I noticed that I’m starting to get on edge, and had to question why.  Of course there is a lack of preparation.  We spent 10 days from April 8-18th packing up our warehouse and shipping out 700 orders.  Not great timing in retrospect to be doing that RIGHT before your second annual event.

But I realised that a big part of this edginess comes from that rooted fear of financial insecurity.

But the reality is, financial security is an illusion.  And this is why I’m writing this blog.  If you’re like me, you can easily look at numbers in your account, and let that dictate your mood, or feeling of success.  I can quickly look in my personal account and become overwhelmed and think “what the actual fuck are we doing?”.

Then I think back to the 8 year old who came and met me yesterday after talking to her on the phone a little over a month ago about why she should love her body, and not feel like she is anything less than perfect.  I think about the tears that rolled down her face as we finished saying The Pledge together, and I know that financial insecurity is an illusion.  I think back to the day prior to that, and look at the footage we captured of Amber Gallegos interpreting (signing) a video for us, and explaining the importance of bringing awareness to the deaf community and how we need to do better as a society.

I also think of every member of the grrrlarmy who has had her life changed by this brand.  And whilst my Grandmother might not see the value in what we’re doing because all she ever hears about is how tight money is, and my partner and I are fighting, and my health is declining.  But what a lot of people don’t understand, is that entrepreneurship is rewarding beyond not having to wake up to an alarm clock, being told what to do by someone else, and getting to set your own schedule.  It’s about having the opportunity for creating real, substantial change.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re a business owner, or contemplating starting your own business, do not let financial insecurity deter you from chasing your passion.  These numbers in my personal account are temporary.  And even if they kept getting bigger, who the fuck cares?  We’ve created an army of women ready to FIGHT for any one of us.  GL18 is doubled in size from GL17, and we learned by making A LOT of mistakes the first time around.  If we let that keep us back from doing it again, there wouldn’t be any magic.

When I die, I’m not taking any of these numbers with me, positive or negative.  Interest rates and the ‘Federal Reserve’, have a fascinating history if you ever get time, look up how the institution got started, and who’s behind it. “The Thrive Movement” is a good place to start on youtube.

Once again, I digress….

So much is about to go down next weekend.  I can’t even articulate.  But had I let fear creep in, and financial insecurity hold me back, a lot of lives wouldn’t be evolving next weekend.  Which of course will have a ripple effect on many more.

So to all of you who have made the sacrifices to get out here, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and know that GL19 will be even more untouchable.  With that many more lives impacted.



Below you’ll find the letter I’ve just wrote to someone I’ve never met or spoken to in my life.  But this is how we stay clean and sober.  Some of you may not know that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.  I often like to post about the dis-ease of addiction and alcoholism because there is still a lot of stigma around the topic.  A lot of miseducation.  But the reality is, we do recover.  We aren’t bad people who need to get good, we are sick people who need to get well.  Doing service work like this reminds me of why I must wake up grateful every day for what I do have, and not what I don’t have.  And today, what I do have, is freedom from addiction, as well as a life beyond my wildest dreams.  Might not be financially free and jetsetting like Cardi B or Kim Kardashian, but that’s OK!  Money doesn’t satisfy the soul.  Being of service, in my experience, does…… 


Hey Jay!!!

My name is Kortney, and I’m …… well I’m a lot of things. I’m the “woman with the world’s deadliest thighs”, australia’s first female arm wrestling champion, and according to the Australian media, I’m an ex fetish porn star. LOL #winning
But at the end of the day, no matter what my ego thinks it wants you to know, the only thing you need to know, is that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.

I don’t know much about you. Other than you’re inside due to drugs. But your Sister follows me on IG. I often post about recovery so people can better understand our dis-ease. (Dis= opposite . Ease = easy living……….. so what we have, is the opposite of easy living.. not like some crusty penis type disease lol). We hear the world mental illness and think something is wrong with us. When in reality, we all have a level of mental health. So when we say we’re ‘mentally ill”, it just means we’re not really healthy in the mind when we’re sick.
Remember this, us addicts/alcoholics (all the same shit at the end of the day) are NOT bad people who need to get good…. we are SICK people who need to get good.

Today, with 8.5 years without a drink, nearly 8 without a drug, I’ve launched a global clothing line that is changing the world. But without having had worked the 12 steps, and doing what was suggested there’s no way I would be where I am today. In fact I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive.

I started using meth when I was 17 (despite being a perfect poster child) because I lost weight. From there I experienced (I no longer use the word ‘suffered’) a rape by my boxing instructor/mentor, and went down a dark spiral and started drinking professionally around 19. Took me a Long time of going in and out of the rooms to FINALLY quit trying to escape my feelings and repair my damaged soul. Even after being clean and sober for a year, I found norco, which turned into oxy in the end. But you see, that wasn’t my problem, because my name was on the bottle, and was prescribed by a doctor.

You see- us addicts are very clever people. We can manipulate every one around us, get what we want, then burn it to the ground, and end up blaming everyone else around us. Hahahahaha! It’s amazing! When I think back about all the time and effort that went into trying to stay drunk, or get a bag, or refill my RX, I have A LOT of time wasted. However, today- I look back at my past, and am incredibly proud. Not with false pride, but a pride that comes from literally walking through the gates of hell. Addiction/alcoholism is fatal, and kills someone just on pills alone every 19 seconds here in the USA.

So, that being said, I want you to know that we do recover. I don’t know how Long you’re locked up for, or what you’re looking at, but I can send you some literature and help guide you to finding the steps and addressing the beast. You don’t ever have to use again. It’s a peculiar feeling getting clean and sober. For me, the first two years were awful. But that’s purely because I didn’t do what was suggested by the program. I only went to meetings because I knew I had to. But I didn’t put any effort into the steps, never did service work, hated fellowshipping, and just got addicted to body building instead. Which kept me clean and sober in the beginning, but I kept looking for approval from others on the outside. And as we know, compliments are like lines of coke- they work for only a short period of time. Hence why I hated that drug. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, I want you to know that we do recover. All of the answers that you need are in the literature. I’m positive you’d be able to find a sober/clean member within the confines of that box there as well to help guide you. Prison is really kind of pointless in a lot of respects. We take meetings into jails and institutions, but you need daily meetings.

What we’re dealing with (if you are far progressed as I was with my addiction (my dis-ease) is the equivalent of stage 4 bone cancer. People who have stage 4 bone cancer are literally on deaths doorstep. They have to take their medicine daily, most often hourly. The same can be said for us. If I don’t do something daily to manage my dis-ease (because our illness is centred in the mind), I will surely pick back up again. And I will no doubt, die- or worse, kill someone else and wind up in prison myself. I’m a very violent person whenever I put drugs or alcohol into my system. Like you, I have an allergic reaction, and the craving phenomenon kicks off. Normal people don’t have those issues. Isn’t it great to be so far from normal! 🙂

I’ll be doing a road show tour and in the USA for some time. Maybe there’s a way I can come see you and facilitate a meeting. But please stay strong. Ask for help. You are not weak in will power, you have a disease that is not curable, but is capable of going into remission. And you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams.

I used to steal your wallet then help you look for it. That’s not who I am when I’m clean and sober. Today I’m looking to give away as much as I can to those who need it more than I. Building a legacy. Leaving my mark. And so can you-

I believe in you. And from one addict to another, I know exactly what you’re feeling and experiencing. There is hope. We do recover. One day at a time.

And last thing: one day at a time, simply means that all we have is the now. There is no such thing as the past or the future. Time is a man-made creation to run a society/civilisation. The past and future purely live in our minds, where we play them over and over, or play them out, and get caught up in depression or anxiety. So stay within just today- the only thing that exists. Tomorrow if you want your misery and pain back, you can have it. But just for today, you’ve got this. Pray to a higher power (I don’t know who or what that is, but I believe there is a God, and I am NOT it!!!) for guidance, and watch what happens. Could be Mother Nature, aliens, Jesus, Satan- doesn’t matter. We just recommend you realise that on your own, you can’t mange your own life. Kind of easy to see when your behind bars 😉

But- know that there are millions of us out here praying for you to ‘get it’, and then you too can pass on the good word that we do recover.

We love you!

In fellowship
Kortney O

What Should You Be Saying To Your Kids Everyday?

Teen Whispering 101:

A parent asked me “what’s the number one thing I should be telling my daughters every day besides the obvious stuff like ‘I love you’ etc”

After answering with a quick reply, I felt like I was doing her a disservice and needed to do a live video.

The number one thing you can be saying, is nothing at all. It’s actually A C T I O N.

When Jackie brings home a drawing from school, instead of saying some generic “oh wow that’s great honey!”, you get in the moment, and find yourself in the detail! “Jackie wow! Look you drew within the lines! That is so hard to do. That takes real talent. And look at how you blended the colors!” – I remember when I did my first water color drawing, my Pop said “wow! That’s really hard to do something so abstract”, her validation was so rewarding to me as a 7 year old.

You can tell your kids “I love you” until they’re blue in the face, but if your actions are contrary, showing them that they’re not worth your time, they won’t believe a word out of your mouth. You know what it’s like- show of hands…. how many of you have had a guy say “I love you” and you were just like “oh pa-leeeeeeze! You are SO full of shit- you just want my goodie bag!”

Well believe it or not, kids are REALLY smart. They pick up on all of the detail. And I do mean ALL of it.

So when you’re out at the shops, and youre scrolling facebook, and not paying attention to what they’re doing, but your half ass talking to them while looking at your phone, only looking up when someone starts slapping the other, or causing a problem- you’re reinforcing negative behaviour. You need to get your head in the game, and show them that they’re your priority. Not to say you can’t have time to yourself- but you need to designate that time and be real clear on it- “Jackie- this is Mum’s time, and it’s important that I take care of myself or I can’t take care of you…” or when you’re in the middle of something and Jackie is trying to get your attention because she has something REALLY important to show you, you stop and let her know instead of not looking up and just shouting at her that you’re busy. You instead stop, look up at her, and say “Jackie darling, I’m in the middle of something important, but you are also really important and deserve my undivided attention. So let me finish what I was doing then I’ll give you my attention, fair deal?”

Let me tell you why this is so important. Because what happens is, between ages 0-8, we aren’t fully conscious. We see everything in black or white. Right or wrong. There isn’t much space for grey. We create roughly 75% of our beliefs in this beginning part of our lives- and a majority of those beliefs are limiting! (Not true, unhelpful…)


(Watch the live video on my Facebook page if you don’t like to read)

Here’s an example. Let’s flashback in time. Say you are 5 years old, and your little Sister Sarah is 1. She’s sitting in her highchair, you’re sitting on the floor in front of the front door, and your mom is in the kitchen cutting up an Apple for Sarah. Frustrated because you can’t figure out how to tie your shoe, you yell out for your mom’s help. While all of this is going on, Sarah is thrashing around in her highchair and is no standing up, ready to topple over the front straight onto her head. Your mom immediately drops the knife and Apple, looks at you and say “hold on! I’ll be right there honey-“, then rushes over to grab your Sister.

Here’s where it gets interesting. In your little 5 year old head, you create a belief that Sarah is better than you because she got your mom’s attention first. Or, better yet, that your mom loves Sarah more because she attended to her first, and you second. Not knowing that this actually isn’t the truth, and that your mom was simply doing her job as a parent and making sure Sarah didn’t crack her head open, you have now created this limiting belief, and stored it away in your subconscious programming. As an adult, every time you see Sarah on the holidays, for some reason when you get into a room with her, you just want to punch her in the ovary, and you can’t figure out why she just gets on your nerves so goddamn bad!

Now take that example and multiply it by 10,000. 10,000 x 12 years of age… you can do the math. (I still count on my fingers… I suck at math. And that is NOT a belief- that’s a fact lol! That’s also a joke because beliefs control EVERYTHING in our life).
That’s a lot of negative beliefs we create about ourselves and store into our subconscious programming where we don’t even know it exists.

The subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful tool, and something we’ll get into at a later time.

But back to showing action, the other incredibly important thing you must be doing, is displaying a love relationship with yourself. You need to be acutely aware of how you’re acting in your relationship with self, in front of your kids. If you’re telling Sarah every day “I love you”, but then she sees you in front of the mirror with a disgusted look on your face saying things like “God! I look so old today!”, or “ughhhhh this shirt makes me look like a fat cow”… Guess what? You’re child is not going to believe a word out of herself, and she’s going to model behaviour that is unsavoury and incredibly unhelpful.

That term “role model” actually means something when you stop and break it down. We’re conditioned to just say words, and learn what it’s associated with, but not actually consider the meaning in its entirety. What is the “role” you are playing, and how is your child going to “model” it? They will copy your behaviour! So there’s really no point in telling Sarah you love her every day, if she’s learning to copy/model your behaviour in how you treat yourself.

When you stop and think about it, what was your mother’s relationship like with herself? Can you see some of that behaviour in yourself? I’ll let you sit on that for a minute…

No really! Take a few minutes and think about that.

But the good news is, the buck stops here. The reality is, you get to make a conscious decision to become your own best parent right now- right this second! As well as forgive your parents for whatever you felt was lacking in your upbringing. Because lets face it- we did NOT come out of the womb with a how-to manual. Our parents were doing the best that they could with the tools they were given. And now I’m passing some more tools onto you, so you can in turn do the best that YOU can with the tools you’ve been given. As well as increase your toolbox consistently.

I highly encourage any women reading this blog to come and join and us at GL18 in Las Vegas April 28/29th weekend for a life-changing weekend. One of the most valuable workshops I attended in my pursuit to become the world’s best teen whisperer when running Kamp Konfidence, was a program called Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA). NHA is a parenting framework that was created by a psychologist named Dr Howard Glassmen. Bless man was/is an avid horse whisperer, and realised that the same principles of energy that apply when working with horses, is the exact same as children. Specialising in, and designed for kids with adhd/asd, Glassmen created this framework which can be applied in not only parenting, but to all relationships. We’ll have a main stage speaker as well as a smaller breakout workshop in the line up at GL18. At GRRRL, we will continue to deliver life-changing and life-enhancing tools to help us all grow and co-create an INCREDIBLE WORLD!

YOU GO GRRRL! And we’ll see you in Vegas!

So what is all this talk of “International Day of Self Love”?

Formerly known as Valentine’s Day, International Day of Self Love is a chosen day to recognise and honor yourself as your numero uno in life.  In 2016 we rolled out the idea once we realised that there wasn’t a SINGLE calendar day that was dedicated to YOU.  We’re always giving praise, recognising, and supporting other people.  Yes, we get to talk about ourselves and be showered with gifts on our birthdays, but we wanted more than that.

It’s incredibly important for women, because as women we’re designed to be the care-takers.  We’re the nurturers.  We’re the ones that are wanting to fix everyone and everything else but ourselves.  It comes systemically programmed from raising children.  We’re designed by nature, as well as society, to be expected to tend to everyone else’s needs before our own.

My favourite example is the oxygen mask.  When you’re on a plane, the flight attendant gives you pretty clear instructions; Put your own mask on first before assisting others.  I’ve been on hundreds of flights, all over the world, and I can tell you I’ve never ONCE heard anything different.  This is simply because facts are facts- you simply CANNOT help other people if your ass is dead!  So put your oxygen mask on first!  Tend to you FIRST!  Love you FIRST!

This ceremony is an opportunity for you to outwardly, through means of ritual, commit to yourself that you are going to put you and your needs ahead of everyone else in life.  Even your own children.  Because if you aren’t able to be happy and free, your children are going to get a version of you that is 95%, or 85% or maybe even 50%.  Same goes to your partner, your friends, your co-workers and your family.  If you’re too busy saying “yes” when you really want to be saying “no”, to doing things that are taking up too much of your ‘me time’, then you’re going to be rundown, resentful and not close to hitting 100%.

Learning to cultivate self love is hard yards.  It doesn’t come naturally.  This is why you’ve got to get your ass to GL18 and learn some tools!  But first and foremost is you must first make the commitment that you’re going to do you-

So we invite you to get out your favourite dress.  Even get out your old wedding dress.  And if that shit doesn’t fit, cut or tie it so it does!  Go out and buy a new one!  We also encourage you to bake a cake.  Buy a cake.  A slice.  The whole cake- doesn’t matter.  But get yourself a morsel or something that lights up your tastebuds because it’ll be included in the ceremony.

The event will take place on GRRRL Clothing’s Facebook page as well as our IG Live accounts.

Feb 11th, 1pm PST (4pm EST) … (if you’re in Singapore, that’s 5AM MONDAY MORNING FEB 12TH lol)

-come dressed in your favourite dress/top hat/whatever makes you feel like the Queen you are
-get dolled up. Take the time to do what you do when you’d “go out” on a first date with someone else. Do that shit for you!
-bring a piece of cake, or whatever decadent treat you’d normally eat then punish yourself over
-bring a ring.  A new ring, and old ring, a rubberfknband.
-be by a mirror so you can look in it and repeat after me


So check this out…

On my IG I have a WAZOO of messages in my DM request folder.  I used to go in there once a month and have a scout for grrrls reaching out, but now I attempt to do it once every other day.  Today I found this message from a guy that taught me a little lesson.  Hence why I’m here to share with you.

Let me just paint a picture for you.  I’m having a horrible day.  Yeah, poor me.  But legit- being an entrepreneur is incredibly difficult.  Every single day is a new height, on a brand new roller coaster, that’s never been ridden before.  One day you’re at the top of it, laughing so hard you’re nearly crying, then 6 hours later your stuck upside down actually crying because you’re scared and you want the fuck off.  So today, I’m not in a great frame of mind.  Taking that energy with me, I opened up the DM request folder.

99 out of 100 DM’s are from blokes.  Either sending a shitty emoji in response to my story, which of course has disappeared so I’ve no clue what it was in response to anyway- or, saying how they want to do x, y, or z to me.  I rarely open them and look, and I usually always never reply.  But then I saw this fella, and thought “huh- he doesn’t look like your average guy trying to holler at me… let’s see what it says.”

Then I read his message.  I got to the last sentence, and saw “I will tell you more about me on fb messenger or email”.  I immediately thought, “the FUCK you will!  Who the hell do you think you are Romeo?”…. then for shits and giggles I clicked on to check out his feed.  I looked at a couple of the newest post, and Immediatly thought “should I bloke this bloke?”… But then I kept scrolling.  I watched the above video, and started to wonder if they guy was a bit psycho.  Then, for whatever reason, it dawned on me.  It dawned on me what his actual message said before that last sentence I chose to become fixated on, when I started drawing up my judgements about him.

He said, “I am 48 years old and have a fourth grade level math skills, this is what makes me unique”.  Then it dawned on me- maybe this guy isn’t trying to hit on me, or holler at me- and he simply is just looking for a goddamn fucking Friend.  

You see, perspective is a really powerful tool.  We always have the choice to look at every situation in a different light.  ALWAYS.  Yes, it’s incredibly important to follow your instincts and be switched on when scrolling social media, and block people who might pose a risk of being obsessive- but all in all- remember that you might have some lonely people out there in the world just looking for a connection.

Do the next right thing and be a decent human being.

October, 2013. Gold Coast, Australia.

As most of you know, the story behind GRRRL and how we got started, is direct pull from the teenage girl wellness camp I founded called Kamp Konfidence.  After 2 years of running the weekend program and 61 graduates who’s lives will never be the same, one of my partners became pregnant and needed to tap out.  (Seems to be a common theme in my life lol!). So in the down time, we decided to take the Vision and Mission of Kamp Konfidence and roll it into a clothing line that would reach every corner of the world, much stronger and much faster.

Now- somewhere along the way, I went to the Fit Expo in Melbourne.  I’ll never forget that weekend, as I had horrific gastro for the first time in my life.  It took the life of me to walk around that convention center and taking pics with people, without shitting my pants.  To make it even more interesting, was I had to try and not get to freaked out about going on NATIONAL TELLEY the next day to talk to Sunrise about Kamp Konfidence.  Funny story, really.  But whilst I was at the Fit Expo, a Friend said I should meet Dana Linn Bailey and tell her about Kamp Konfidence, and that she was really nice and would probably help us by posting something on social media.  So we decided to make sneaky moves, and cut off all of her fans and intercept her coming out of some hidden room.

I knew of DLB because back when I was competing, she was more or less starting out.  People would often send me her pics and say ‘you guys are so similar!’.  At one point in 2008, I even emailed asking if they wanted to do a shirt collab with my back then brand, All Natural KO.  Rob wrote me back and politely said they were too busy.

Back at the expo, we walked up to her and said hi, and asked if she’d take ‘the pledge’ with me.  I explained what ‘the pledge’ was, and proceeded to tell her all about Kamp Konfidence.  I told her how it was a weekend wellness program for teenage girls that taught the 5 habits, principles, and lessons that lead to the development of self love, and that the aim was to show these girls that they/we are born and bred to see each other as competition.  DLB took ‘the pledge’, I put a Kamp Konfidence bracelet on her, we hugged, I asked her if she could give @kampkonfidence a shoutout on her social media, she said yes, we took some pics, and off we went in our separate directions.

A few months went by, and I never saw a post from DLB, but what I did see after someone sent me a post from her, was she launched “Confidence Camps’ at our gym.

I was pretty fucking huffy at the time.  So at that point, I decided I was going to compete in physique and come after her.  That didn’t last Long as a few months into comp prep, she announced her retirement.  Oh well!

November 18th, 2015. Gold Coast, Australia.

GRRRL Clothing was launched.  So no worries mate, I started my own shit with an evolved Mission and Vision.

Fastforward to today, and I see this get posted in our closed GRRRLs group:



At first, I felt myself get angry.  Because as most of you know, last year we announced our second annual live event, GL18.  Which of course includes Meg Gallagher in the line up.  I sat and thought, “so now you’re gonna jump on the bandwagon and start ‘bringing women together’, are ya?!  How fucking convenient!”

Then of course, I stopped and took a breath.  Because I’m constantly checking in with my thoughts and observing what my self talk is saying, I caught the thoughts, and dismantled them so I could put the anger to bed and remind myself of the truth.  The truth is this:


At the end of the day, the more women who are out there trying to lift up and unite more women, the better.  This mindset of seeing other Brand’s as competition is old, and reptilian thinking (unless of course someone changes their logo and it happens to look eerily closer to your Brand’s, then it’s time to slam the desk).  It’s a male, ego-based energy that needs to die in the ass.  As Eckart Tolle talks about in his book “A New Earth”, the new world is a place where people collaborate together to both get to the end result, working as a team.  Not coming from a place of scarcity, worry and fear.  There is so much hurt and pain (and fixing that needs doing in the world), that it couldn’t possibly all get touched by one movement alone.

Chances are, DLB had her ‘confidence camps’ planned a year before she’d ever met me, and that her ‘taking My idea’ was purely my ego thinking I’m something or someone special.  And again, chances are she had this planned with Meg a year ago.  It is imperative that we put our ego to bed when we’re women in business.  We’ve got to stand behind ‘Not Your Competition’ through and through.

But I must say in case you see this blog DLB- you do charge a shitload for a tee shirt!  Good on ya mate!



So what defines success?

I’ll tell you what doesn’t; Achieving your “goals”, making hundreds of dollars an hour, or even finding your purpose.

I’ve done all 3. And yet I still manage to make myself feel miserable every day because it’s “not enough”. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out what it “is” I’m supposed to be doing on this earth. Even with achieving 8 years of continual sobriety and 7.5 off of drugs- Even having a business where I don’t have to report to a superior; I AM the superior- Even being able to travel and not wake up to an alarm clock- Even having created a brand that is actually changing the world and is going to be bigger than Nike in 10 years time- SOMETHING is always not right.

Our clothing isn’t fashionable enough. The website has a problem. I want to be spending more time meditating. I want to meditate period. I want to have a more developed VMO (the teardrop muscle on the inside of your knee). I want to grow faster.

And on and on and on.

The ONLY thing I’ve found in life that makes me feel successful is when I’m in direct service to someone else who is in true need. I’m not talking about in need of an email answered. I’m talking about someone who needs to be heard because they feel alone and like life is not worth living. Someone who can’t stop drinking or doing drugs. Someone who has a teenage girl who is cutting themselves and they don’t know where to turn.
THAT kind of service.

The only challenge with that, is for me that’s difficult to measure.

So the other day I was doing something I hardly do anymore because when you devote every cell in your being to your enterprise- to your WHY, you can easily lose your libido.

While I was in the shower- I realized that even after 7 years, I’m more attracted to my husband than I was when we said our Do’s. I wasn’t thinking about someone else. Or needing to watch other people. I simply closed my eyes and thought about my husband and blew the roof off.

So what is the definition of success?

Is it a certain number hitting your bank account every day? And even then will that truly make you happy?  Will that change and is it ok for that number to change?  Or is success finding your voice and leaving a miserable relationship?  Is it coming out?  Or is it having a child?  Or do you just ‘think’ that’s what success is because society tells you that’s what we’re supposed to be doing as women?

My point is this; Everyone has a different deferent version of success. What’s important is that YOU figure out what that looks like to you. Not society. Not your parents. But YOU.
And by finding out that means DO SOME WORK!  Put pen to paper. Isolate yourself and do some writing. Ask yourself some important questions. Take time. Don’t rush it.

You deserve to connect with your innermost self and find out what that success looks like unattached by what everyone else around you ‘thinks’ it is. Too often we let our heads (thinking) define success and not our hearts (feeling) what success is.

Because I’ll tell you what: That O face sure FELT like success to me. And the O looked like my significant other.

Here’s to many more successful days grrrls!

Comment below what success looks like to you.

By: Krissy Mac, Founding GA Member

My experience at World’s Strongest Woman

On 16 and 17 December I had the privilege of attending the Official Strongman Games at Dorton Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina as a spectator.

There was no way I was going to miss this competition. It’s the first time the Official Strongman Games has been run and it encompassed World’s Strongest Woman in all weight divisions (Open, u82 and u64kgs), including Masters, as well as World’s Strongest Man u105, u90 and u80kgs and Masters. The Heavyweight men also had a platform with a Giants Live competition. Basically, it was set up to be the biggest strongman competition in the world, with a gathering of all countries, all ages, and all weight divisions.

It’s so hard to describe all of my emotions for such a weekend. As a strongwoman competitor and huge fan, it was basically Mecca for me. To see all the strongest, most badass women in the world duke it out over two days was some kind of dream come true.


As a Grrrl though, it meant something even more. I planned this trip with a fellow Grrrl, Amy, who I had never met before. Me being from Australia, and her from Maryland, we hadn’t had an opportunity previously to meet in real life. However, we had built a friendship online due to Kortney sharing a photo of me on her personal Instagram earlier in the year. Amy saw it, and commented “Hey, we look alike, and I pull stupid faces in my photos too. We should be besties”. So we struck up a friendship.

The friendship blossomed over a shared love of lifting heavy things and supporting one another through some tough times during 2017. We really do look alike, it’s quite uncanny really, so in May, Amy had the idea to do a “twinning” photo in our matching Grrrl clothes and show how Grrrl Clothing united two women from opposite ends of the earth. This started a global #twinning movement on Instagram and Facebook thanks to the savvy social media crew at Grrrl. To finish off 2017 with meeting my Twinnie in real life was just incredible. Amy walked into the hotel room and started talking like we were in the middle of a conversation, it wasn’t even weird. We didn’t shut up for 5 hours. And so the Twinnies were now real life friends with a bond that I don’t think will ever be broken. Grrrl brought me a human who feels like a piece of my soul that I didn’t know was missing. To be together with her, with someone who shares so many of the same values as I do, where we are always safe together in a judgement-free and supportive environment, was to be made whole.

Friday night we got to catch up and have steak and beer with another fellow Grrrl, Meredith. Meredith and I were real life friends in Australia, though she is American and moved to North Carolina in late 2017. We used to compete against one another in strongwoman in Australia, that’s how we became friends. Somehow, with the fates aligned, we reunited in Raleigh, North Carolina, on the eve of the biggest strongwoman competition in the world. It felt as if no time had passed, and of course, Amy and Meredith got on like a house on fire. What more could a Grrrl ask for?

That night the incredible Samantha Coleman texted me. I suspect some of you might know her as our athlete fit Shape Sam (#shapeSam). I’d never met Sam in real life, but through strongman pages on Facebook and through the closed Grrrl group, we had struck up an online relationship. Sam had had a really rough week and didn’t even know if she was going to compete on the weekend, but decided to go anyway and just see what happened. Sam needed help, and she reached out to me, a fellow Grrrl, to see if I could help her over the weekend. I got to play Sam’s coach, friend, handler, manager, official cheer squad and communicator with her real coach, her husband Kyle, who couldn’t make it because of sickness and a work disaster. Luckily, I came with Amy, and as a Grrrl-trio we were able to help wherever possible, keeping Sam on track and focussed where needed.

Sam went on to break the world record log press, twice, now the undisputed world record log holder at 270lbs/123kgs. To have played a small role in that historical moment fills my heart with joy. Sam proved that weekend to be just as kind, generous, hilarious, sweet and utterly determined as she appears online. She is a Grrrl to her core: hard working, never gives up, doesn’t listen to the naysayers and a true powerhouse. Our Grrrl Sam is the 5th strongest woman in the whole world after that weekend. If you wear shape Sam, wear it with pride. I feel so privileged and overwhelmed to be able to call Sam my friend. You couldn’t ask for a better role model.

Aside from these amazing moments, I got to meet so many other Grrrls in real life for the first time, including Sunny, Kikki, Cecilie, Laurie, one of my favourite strongwomen ever: Lisa, the now two-time World’s Strongest Woman: the incredible Donna, and caught up with another Aussie Grrrl Susan. The nations represented there include the US, Australia, England, Norway and Germany. I also got to catch up with other incredible women, some of whom I have competed with at competitions, others who I had never met before. Shout out to Brendali (South Africa), Kate (New Zealand), Kim (USA), and Britteny (USA) who are incredible women and a pleasure and joy to watch compete.

The women there were beyond inspiring. Strongwomen tend to be a special breed, the tenacious kind who don’t believe in the word “no”. The kind that will pick you up off the floor, dust you off, acknowledge you’re hurting, and tell you to go again. Grrrls are another breed again. The kind that will never judge you, who are open minded and want to hear your experiences and where you come from, the kind of people that grow from our differences, and find beauty in it. We are stronger together and the Official Strongman Games was the perfect example of that. Women supporting other women. Women shouting at other women not to give up, to show what they are made of. Women strapping their competitors’ arms and sharing equipment. This is unity. This is the future.


A lot of our Grrrl Army members probably won’t catch much of this story if you’re outside of Australia, but I’m going to write about it anyway.  In fact, I was going to write a blog about rape culture a week ago, and dropped it on draft because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to write it at the time.

2017 has been one helluva year.  We all thought it was going to be dookie with POTUS Dick Splash stepping into the role for the next 4 years.  I don’t like to talk poltics because it divides us.  But lets face it- anyone who pushes anti-abortion rights and jurisdiction over a women’s body, is not revered in my book.  Yes President Dick Splash has actually done some decent things, and if you’re a bit of a conspiracy theorist like I am, you’d find that all President’s, no matter what side- are merely puppets.  But that is neither here nor there.

2017 has turned out to be ‘not too shabby’.  Sure, it was the MOST stressful year of my life, to BOOT- between finances with the business, launching our first live event, getting diagnosed with Graves’ disease, living in a brand new foreign country, for the third time in less than 3 years… it’s been intense.  But all and all, with what’s transpired with the #MeToo campaign, I can say that this has turned out to be a launching pad for what is about to be OUR FKN YEAR Y’ALL!

We are NOT putting up with anymore shit!

Or are we?

So let’s get to Jarred Hayne.  Jarred is a star Rugby player down in Australia, who was drafted to come play in the USA for the San Francisco 49ers.  According to the last article I read, it sounds like Jarred was a ‘good ol’ Mormon boy’ up until he signed on with the niners.  To which point he started partying and ‘acting a fool’, if you will.

Within the last 24 hours, Jarred has been accused of rape.  Read the excerpt from an article below:

On the Sunday afternoon, the woman, identified only as “Ms V”, attended the 49ers game at Levi’s Stadium.
After the game, she and friends went to a restaurant for a meal and drinks, and then went to a bar.
Santa Clara County Court documents say that one of Hayne’s friends was texting and messaging the woman to find out which bar she was drinking at with her friends.

Hayne and his mates then joined the group and, as the documents say, her friends “had never seen [the young woman] so intoxicated”.
What happened next is what will be contested in the civil suit.
Ms V says in her court documents that in the early hours of Monday, December 21, 2015 “despite having minimal interaction that night [Hayne] took the now heavily intoxicated [woman] back to his home in San Jose via Uber”.
It was in his apartment the alleged incident took place with the woman who says she had never had sexual intercourse previously.

The documents say she felt pain, and the following morning woke up among bloodied sheets.
She then took “an undergarment” because she allegedly felt people would not believe the incident had taken place, and for police to test.
Through his legal representatives, Hayne unequivocally and vehemently denies the allegations.
Five days later, Hayne was again promoted to the 49ers’ 53-man roster after guard Alex Boone suffered a knee injury.

Hayne announced his retirement from the NFL on May 15, 2016, and joined the Fiji sevens team in hopes of playing in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.
In May 2016, the young woman reported the alleged assault to San Jose police.
The District Attorney’s office informed the young woman that “there was not enough evidence to prove the crime of rape beyond a reasonable doubt”.

The thing that makes absolutely zero sense to me, is the part that says “She then took “an undergarment” because she allegedly felt people would not believe the incident had taken place, and for police to test.”  Which would have been somewhere shortly after the incident on December 21, 2015.  But then the article jumps to some bullshit history about what Jarred’s next moves were, then “In May 2016, the young woman reported the alleged assault to San Jose police.”

OK…  Like what the hell happened between January and April?

And when was “Ms V” informed:  “The District Attorney’s office informed the young woman that “there was not enough evidence to prove the crime of rape beyond a reasonable doubt”.?

And as far as the news outlets in Australia?  The tone from officials in the Football leagues:

“Boys will be boys”, and “let justice serve it’s purpose” and “innocent until proven guilty”.. well in America, you’re guilty until proven innocent. So not sure what the fuck happened there.

This is just typical, bullshit club behaviour- basically.

Reminds me of a time many years ago when my Husband was the CEO of the Gold Coast Titans, the team Jarred was last playing for upon his return back from rapeville, USA.  For a brief stint of 4 weeks, I was the assistant strength training coach for the under 20’s until a reporter found some topless photos of me on the internet, and decided to write an “article” framing me as ‘ex porn star’.   The article of course went into the fact that I’d been raped when I was 17, and that I was a reformed drug addict and alcoholic.  But the article turned out to be a massive “scandal” and caused an immense amount of bullying and slander online.

However- the year prior when a New Zealand rugby player married a porn star, the entire country was congratulating him on his ‘success’.  

At the end of the day, Australia needs to take a page out of Hollywoods book and stop glorifying professional athletes as if they’re some sort of Greek mythical God who cannot be touched.

And for any of you grrrls who’ve been down the soul-destroying path of sexual harassment or rape in your past, hopefully this video helps:


2018 is our fkn year grrrls!  GET YOUR BATTLE CRY OUT AND READY-


Have a look below at my highest “liked” (engaging) post on IG to date from my personal account.  It seems like people in general are really ready to embrace the new dawn of strong, powerful females.


Because comic books 📚 Back before we launched @grrrl_clothing I was working on a concept. “Ms. Leggy”- Her superpower was making any man fall in love anytime they gazed upon Her anaconda legs. A hard, strong personality like The Rock but an animalistic one when it came time to get down to business. Of course she silenced with her legs. Her job was to infiltrate corrupt monopolies where women were mistreated, seduce the highest ranking officials then 💥 🍉💦💀. Not all is lost – @figlesiase and I will get back to the drawing board eventually. The world needs more media that sits ‘outside the box’ so we can create a new box. One where females aren’t the ones getting raped and assaulted. Movies, books, ads, music videos- all media plays heavily into societal beliefs and what we grow up thinking. Look out homeboy- Ms. Leggy’s coming for ya 🐍🦖 And of course we’ll holler @therealstanlee
Hard to believe but I specifically asked @charleslowthian not to airbrush or photoshop my body when shooting. He’s just that good. And yeaaaaaaaaaa “Leggy” needs heels. She may have the world’s deadliest Thighs but they short like Kevin Hart. Plus the stripper heels turn into daggers 🗡
#comics #fantasy #supershero #killer #concept #legslikekortney #marvel #figure4 #anaconda #comicbooks #comicbook #female #empowerment #womenempowerment

By: Prue Houston findingmyfit

Today I’m changing it up a bit and reviewing an active wear brand. But not just any active wear brand. No. This one is so far removed from your run of the mill shopping mall brand its ridiculous! This one spruiks girl power with so much zest it’s infectious. This brand bases its sizes around beautiful body shapes and names them after their stable of powerhouse athletes. Oh and you can forget about seeing photoshopped “fit” models wearing clothes from this brand…hells no. There is no mistaking it, this rebellious brand is taking names and taking no shit, oh and if you don’t like it…um they couldn’t care less…in fact they may even flip you the bird!

This brand is GRRRL Clothing and they are here to change the game!

So yeah I’m a fan. I mean it’s hard not to be, just check out their Instagram or better still follow their MFCEO (I’ll let you figure that one out), the formidable, hilarious and oh so impressive Kortney Olson. It won’t take long for you to jump on the GRRRL Army bandwagon, I promise.

But before you do, let’s talk clothes. And by clothes I mean the awesome tee and windbreaker the team at GRRRL sent me to road test.

Here’s the low down on the gear…first up the G Windbreaker (shown) is the perfect lightweight item to wear outside. Super soft and comfy, I would wear this to and from the gym on cooler days and definitely while out walking. I wasn’t sure if my size estimate was correct but I was happy to say the G Windbreaker fit perfectly. I’m an all over Kortney btw. Side note: GRRRL Clothing sizes are all based on the body measurements of the GRRRL Athletes. You simply apply your upper body and lower body measurements to the body shape athlete closest to you and you’re all set.

Next is the Right to Bare Arms fitted tee. OMG I’m a sucker for a badass tee so I LOVED this one on sight but when I held it up I thought it looked like it would be too small. Can you imagine how happy I was when I popped it on and it fit…perfectly. I had big plans for this tee, so it was important that it felt comfy and looked flattering.

This blog might be the shortest read with the tallest reward you’ve had to boot- As a female entrepreneur, I will always endeavour to bring you tools that have changed my life for the better, and helped me find strength and power in relationships. Not power over someone else, but power over my own reactions and how I conduct myself. Society says that females are “weak and too soft for business”, but I call bullshit. We simply need to teach each other simple tools like the following. Enjoy!  And YES!  Share it!

Business Leadership: How to give someone bad news.

Do you have a parent that you need to break up with? Or a Boyfriend you need to kick to the curb? I mean, let down gently… Or how about an employee that needs to step up their game, but you’re not sure how to let them know in a constructive manner?

Grrrls- I present to you, the sandwich method.

The sandwich method was actually taught to me by one of my best life Teachers, my Husband. In fact, it was in the midst of him telling me that I needed to chill the fuck out, and stop stressing on everything because it was driving him nuts. Bless his heart-

Here’s how the conversation rolled:

“Honey- you are such a beautiful soul. You’re so caring and loving towards everyone and everything. I’m not sure you understand how much I admire you for that. I’ve never met someone with as much heart as you. It’s truly a gift.

However, sometimes our greatest gifts can cause us the most misery. You’re tendency to overthink and over stress details of things, and how others might perceive your intention, is having a bit of an effect on my own personal wellbeing. It’s bringing an extra layer of stress that I’m having a hard time coping with.

But I will say I’ll never meet another person on the face of this planet that I’d cope with as much extra shit for, than you. You’re my soulmate, and I would do anything for you. Not ‘damn near anything for you’, but anything for you. Because there is no one on this planet I admire, cherish and adore more than you.”

You see what he did there?

He started with a positive. He fed in the negative. Then he ended on a positive.

When you deliver information in this format, it allows the other person to take it onboard, and then end on a good note. As opposed to sitting someone down, and saying “Look Jane- you fucking suck. I appreciate you trying, but you’ve gotta do something different”… When you start out with a negative, the other party will shut down straight away. So start with a positive. Then slip in the part that needs addressing, fixing, or negative. Then end on a positive so they feel supported and encouraged to do something constructive, and not in a framework of feeling defensive.

I had a beautiful grrrlarmy member message me over IG and ask me how she could break up with a parent, as she remembered reading a blog months back on my personal brand’s website.

I suggested she could start with a letter first, or move into a convo.
I said something along the lines of:
“Start with the positive, put in the negative, end on the positive- so it sounds something like this: I love you because x, y, and z however I’m working on myself and need to surround myself with positive strong women. I feel disrespected with the way you’ve treated me lately. I will always love and appreciate everything you’ve sacrificed for me, and I hope you find happiness because you deserve it.”

Proof is in the love heart emoji. This shit works.

The reason why I wanted to write this, is this is the simple shit we aren’t taught in school. Come to think of it, effective communication is INCREDIBLY challenging, and yet the most rewarding tool to have in your tool belt. This is why I have insisted on doing a powerful, life-changing keynote on this topic at #GL18 April 28th in Las Vegas. The entire value of your ticket will be worth this one keynote alone, as I’m about to change your life and set you free. Buy your goddamn ticket here if you haven’t already! You deserve it!

Normally I applaud people for going against the grain and calling it how it is. But this, however- is NOT calling on anything but absolute shite. The Mommy Activist isn’t that foolish to produce something so outlandish- she knows people like myself are going to share and help her get exposure. But at this precise moment I’m too upset to not share my thoughts.


She’s claiming that women who’ve participated in #MeToo, and have shared their story of being “a victim”, are in fact NOT a victim and that we (because I was in the MeToo camp before it was a ‘thing’ or a ‘trend’ as she calls it) should have known that our bosses didn’t want us up in their hotel room to discuss giving us a raise.

Let me break it down for you “Mommy”-

At 17 years old- and being clean off meth for 3 Days (despite being the ASB President at a Catholic High School, in a Christian rock band and bound for Stanford… although I knew to “Just say no” to drugs, like my Mommy told me- it didn’t work out that way), I was a lost messy soul. As recommended by my school counselor, I attended a boxing class to meet my new boxing coach to help mentor me and stay off meth.  After all, the root of my wanting to use was because I felt fat, so boxing was a good solution.  Or was it?

Despite the fact my mother taught me “all of the things she teaches her 6 daughters”, I still didn’t know where to draw the line, and at 17 years old let a 72 year old man lure me into his home because I was going to be his “last world champion before he retired”. (I Guess that’s me getting lured into his hotel room to talk about my raise)

Shortly after arriving, he drugged me and I woke up with him inside of me. For the next 10 years I sucked myself down into a world of pain and misery because I believed it to be my fault. I must of lead him on.

This woman claims that those of us in the MeToo camp are prostitutes and not victims.

The most prominent story that comes to my mind is Monica Lewinsky. Imagine being an intern, an impressionable, young woman with the President of the United States showing you attention and interest. Until you’re in that position, and get “sucked” in too close to the fire to be able to use your voice and say no- you couldn’t possibly understand.

The answer isn’t making more women feel like Absolute shit for not knowing the right tools– and in fact I can’t think of a more unhelpful piece of media in my 36 years on this planet.

I am proud of my past. I WAS a victim. But I am NOW a victor and use my experience as strength to help other young girls become grrrls and avoid situations like I’d gotten myself into.

Keep showing up and telling your story and be PROUD of wherever you are in your journey. And remember- “No one has the authority to make you feel inferior without your consent” -E Roosevelt

“Photable”, The app that allows you to edit abs onto photos

I’m LIVID right now sisters.

This morning, I wanted to sit down and FINALLY attempt to spend a little time getting caught up on looking for #grrrlarmy posts, when three posts into IG, I get a sponsored post for an app that allows you to edit your photos. But not only is it a beauty filter, you can add ABS and definition into your pictures! (and I believe tattoos?)

As most of you know, I don’t have a snapchat because the filters drive me nuts. They pose to the younger generation as fun and harmless, when in fact they’re not whatsoever. They have an airbrushing effect so every photo looks flawless. Angelic-like even… Programming us to feel disgusted when we look in the mirror and see something other than what our photos exhibit.

Since I’ve been spending a ton of time in South East Asia, I’ve noticed that EVERYONE, men and boys included, use “beauty plus”. This app allows you to basically airbrush your photos in seconds.

I’ve had a few men reply “who cares?” when I recently posted my disgust.

Allow me to explain-

Most people go on social media with no awareness. Just harmlessly scrolling through posts. What happens is, we look at pictures of false realities, and our subconscious mind (the part of our brain that holds all of our beliefs… beliefs that rule our lives and behaviors) tell us that we are not good enough, because we don’t look that flawless. Furthermore, now with this app that allows you to falsify muscle and definition, aka hard fucking work and sacrifice, people who are trying to ‘get in shape’, will slide further down the hole of ‘not being good enough’ because everyone else is achieving results faster than them, and they cannot get their body to look like that no matter how hard they try.

So many women follow other “fitspo” models as motivation, and this is crippling to their self esteem and self worth. Yesterday, I even found MYSELF- someone I consider to be very “switched on” and “self aware”, feeling like I wasn’t doing enough because I didn’t look like this woman who “had her life together” with all her 750k followers, and a baby on the way, with her stunning, perfect photos. After about 20 seconds, I caught my thoughts on auto-pilot, and analyzed the insanity of them. Then realized I might as well be smoking crack, and how silly of me to think that these photos were real. Once again, everyone, anywhere, can make themselves flawless.

The scariest part of all of this, is that I’m 35 years old. There are girls as young as SEVEN years old with their own social media accounts. Furthermore, do you think that public education has been revolutionized in order to teach young people the reality of ‘social media’. I’m afraid not.
(Fear not… @GRRRL we have a plan and have been working on revolutionizing the public education system since 2013 so young people can be equipped with basic tools to lead a happy life and still use social media)

Now, it might be hard for a man to understand on a deep enough level (although there are plenty of men with eating disorders and body dissatisfaction), but women are fed ads over the course of our lifetime that convey a message reading in order to be beautiful, we must not have sun spots, lines, wrinkles, cellulite or dimples. Aka “flaws”. When they aren’t flaws at all. They are in part what makes us human.

It’s OK for men to be showing signs of aging in ads, but for women, it’s not acceptable.

Men are considered “distinguished” whereas women are considered “past her prime”.

Ads sell us an idea of success: What is beautiful and what is desirable. They are also completely unachievable, and not real.

SO- to take all of this false reality a step further and allow fake muscle, I believe we’ll start to see more men falling victim to the self-hatred parody, as well as women. Instead of using our thoughts to figure out how to better the world, we’ll be swirling around in a pool of self pity thinking that we aren’t good enough, nor will we ever be.

The fact that there are studies now being published that THREE YEAR OLDS ARE UNHAPPY WITH THEIR BODY, should be enough of a red flag and obvious point, to answer your question of “who cares”.

I encourage us all to refrain from using the beauty plus and facetune apps, and at the very least disclose when you do.


In response to criticism of GRRRL in respect of our recent dealings with Cris Cyborg, we consider it is necessary to present the background to what SHOULD have remained a private matter in respect of our commercial sponsorship of Cris.


A little over a month ago we entered into a 12 month sponsorship agreement with Cris, to cover a personal appearance at our GRRRL:Live event in Las Vegas combined with an ongoing 12 month commitment through Cris’s social media channels.


Unfortunately, within a matter of hours of appearing and speaking at our event, Cris was involved in “battery” of another fighter on the street outside a UFC retreat. Cris’s conduct in this regard has broadly been condemned by the fight industry and the organization by whom she is contracted as a fighter.


As a company with representation and brand ambassadors amongst girls as young as 6, we cannot publically condone this behaviour especially as the behaviour is directly in conflict with the messages Cris shared at the event, one of our speakers on cyber bullying and our company message to promote female harmony and unity.


This conduct has the potential to diminish the tireless work by our amazing network of women throughout the world to support female harmony and unity.


As a consequence of these matters, it is with regret that our sponsorship of Cris has come to an end.


We wish Cris well with her continued professional career. And every success in the future.


We are unable to comment any further in respect of this matter as it is now being handled by our legal team.

Recently, I’ve been asked by a number of people, about my process on making the decision to change gyms, or cities, or how I go about making big life calls in general.  It may seem like a lie when I say I am a really private person, but in reality, I am.  I try to not make half statement or bitchy posts on social media and I find that when I do finally announce the big things, people are often surprised.  So I am here to share my own internal monologue and process when it comes to making the “big calls”.

I live my life by a pretty simple motto.  “Be happy”.  As long as I am not deliberately hurting others in my pursuit of happiness, I will continue to search for the things and places that fill me with joy.  When I feel unhappy, I look to make changes within my own means and power.  It’s the basis for all my major life choices in the last 5 years.


It’s not always as simple as identifying that a certain something is making me unhappy and then the next day I make a change and it’s all better.  It’s seldom ever that easy.

One of the biggest things that I think people can relate to is the want or need to change gyms.  I think I have gone against the grain here a little as people tend to really stick with their crew for years and years.  There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.  If you are happy and you are getting what you need, why would you want to look for something else.  “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

Changing gyms has always been out of necessity for me.  Usually it is because I can’t get something that I need in terms of fight matches or coaching, or I am not a good fit for the team that is already there.  It happens.  You can be the greatest person in the world but you probably still won’t get along with everyone.


I try my best to not gym hop.  I like rhythm and routine.  And you build a bond with your coaches and mentors that only develops over time.  If you move gyms frequently, you’re less likely to build these critical, yet beautiful bonds.

At the end of the day, sometimes you just outgrow your gym.  Maybe you have exceeded your training partners and feel like you are not being challenged.  Maybe you feel like you are not being coached correctly.  Maybe you are sitting at home looking at the gym crews Facebook photos of a group dinner you weren’t invited to… again.  There’s always something that creates that need for change.

I personally, try to rectify issues in house.  I pick the best person to talk to, whether it’s a coach, management, or another senior team member who could possibly advise me.  I talk it out, calmly.  Express my concerns and where I am at.  If there is no room for change, and sometimes there isn’t, I know then in that moment that it’s time to move on.

The best case scenario here is that the team bands together to try to deal with the issues at  hand.  I have found that clear, constructive communication goes a very long way.  The thing we need to remember is that, for the most part, coaches, team members and gym owners want their athletes to be happy.  They don’t sponsor you and hope you fall behind.  Chances are if there is something that isn’t working, they want to work with you to fix it.


Then there is a waiting period.  A re-trial if you will.  I try to take a day to chill and re focus and head back to the gym like it’s my first day there.  I try to put my past grievances behind me and see how things develop.

Sometimes, things improve almost immediately – problem solved.  Sometimes things improve and slide back to their original state.  I try to keep communicating and keep putting in the hard work on my end and hope that things find their way to a good consistency.  Maintaining a level of optimism is key here otherwise you just end up being the cranky person in the room that no one wants to work with.

If or when things just don’t improve and I can see that I won’t get what I need, then I know it’s the right call to move on.

I’m pretty confident that I have never willingly walked away from a gym under negative circumstances.  My policy on this is that it’s better to not burn bridges, even if you do want to leave the place screaming and flipping everyone off.  It’s not constructive and you almost never feel better for it.  Thank them for the services they did provide you with and respect yourself enough to know that at the end of the day, they have lost you as an asset.  End of story.

So how do I pick my new gym?


Again – this is a bit of a process, but a much simpler one than having to leave.

First and foremost. Research.  I figure out exactly what I want and need from a gym and research.  When I was looking to make the move from Phuket I spent many weeks on end, researching cities, cost of living, location, access to fights and reputations of gyms.  Granted, this was a little outside the scope of simply finding a new gym, but still applicable.  Location and travel time can really eat into your day, so unless you have the time (and willingness) you will always be looking for something easy to get to.

When I went on my scouting trip around Europe I had a fair idea that I was looking between Italy, Berlin and the UK.  For me these were desirable places for me to live.  Then it boiled down to the gyms and access to fights.  Italy was ruled out quickly simply because of quality and access.  It seemed low.  And I don’t know if I could move to Italy and not get fat (pizza, pasta, gelato – breakfast, lunch and dinner right??).

Berlin and the UK were up there in terms of training styles that I was in need of and access to fights.  While the German WMMA scene is not so developed, it was still an ideal stepping stone for me and I had access to a lot of K1 promotions.

I was in touch with a few gyms in the UK, some failed to get back to me completely which automatically ruled them out for me.  Then I talked to friends.  Reached out to reliable sources for referrals and continued to narrow down my list.

I ruled out the UK mostly due to cost of living and weather.  I enjoyed it there, but the locations of the gyms just weren’t really for me.  Connection wise, they were right up there.


It came down to Berlin.  And I had looked at a number of gyms.  I researched potential areas for me to live in, where I might want to live, what gyms offered what.  Spitfire came up a few times and was recommended to me so I decided to give them a go.

I always try out a new gym first.  This seems like a no brainer, but you would be shocked to hear of the amount of people that get memberships to places they haven’t tried.  Now when I say try, I don’t mean try a single class and see if it’s good.  Try a few.  With different coaches.  For me, I really wanted to see the level and style of grappling at Spitfire, as this is where I need the most work.  I always needed a place that had boxing and K1 style drilling so I can continue to work on my striking. Spitfire offers both.  I got extremely lucky with Spitfire that both of my striking coaches spent time in Chang Mai, living and fighting.  They both understand my background and know why I have the flaws I have, and the strengths I have.  This was a draw card for me.

Did I get what I need?  Is the quality good?  Do I feel safe?  Do I feel like I will be coached sufficiently?  Do I vibe with the crew? Do I feel at home?


This final one is my most absolute.  And I think about it every day when I am at Spitfire or Black Sheep Athletics.  With both of these gyms, I felt at home and myself almost instantly.  Call it luck – I certainly do! – but it matters.

If you are a bit loud and crazy and laugh like a hyena (like me), then finding a place that embraces your type of crazy is so important.  At the end of the day, we should be free to be ourselves and be with those who welcome that.  Both of these gyms have exceeded this for me.


It’s matters for so many reasons.  I spend a lot of my time in these two gyms.  Training, socializing, harassing the staff so they can’t get any work done, playing with puppies and stuff.  The usual.  So why would I choose to be somewhere I don’t feel at home, with people I don’t get along with?  I also find it motivates me.

When I am somewhere I feel respected and valued, as a part of the team or the community in general, I want to give them my absolute all.  In fights, in training, in the way I represent them.  I want to do right by the people who look after me.  I want to get out of bed and go to the gym (even when it’s dark and snowing).  Because I’m a part of something.  And when you are this far away from home, these people become your family.  And THAT matters.


At the end of the day, choosing a gym, a city, a partner in crime – it’s all each to their own.  Don’t expect that what works for your bestie, will necessarily work for you.  Talk to people.  Do your research.  Reach out to people whose opinions you value and respect.  Talk. Talk.  Research and talk.  Find the place where you get what you need, where you feel valued – find the gym that feels like home with the crew that embraces your crazy.

To all those embarking on change – good luck!  And keep trying.  You might not get it the first gym you go to – remember – that’s ok!  You’ll find it.

I know I’m late to the party, as usual. But something needs to be said.
If you think Lady Gaga is fat, you’re a fucking idiot. Full stop-

Apologies to my Grandmother off the bat if you happen to read this. I’ve been doing really well when it comes to curbing my language. However, this topic needs SEVERAL f-bombs sprinkled throughout, so please stop reading if you can’t hang grams.
First off, I didn’t watch the superbowl because A) I’m not a die-hard fan of football and B) I think it’s pathetic that as a country, we have companies and corporations that spend millions of dollars on advertising and putting on a spectacle, when there are SO many homeless veterans (people who fought for your very freedom), women stuck in domestic violence situations, and so on.
Yes! For the love of God it’s “tradition”, and you want to “enjoy your life”, but there comes a time when some traditions need to be broken, and when you need to stop being a self-centred twat and stand up for those who don’t have the capacity to do so. Perhaps go to a junior varsity championship game, or go support your local fucking roller derby team.
Yes, I have my panties in a twist. Perhaps I wouldn’t if there was a female league of sport we could all support to this extent, but fear not, that’s coming.
I digress…..
As I was saying- I didn’t watch the superbowl, so I didn’t see Lady Gaga’s performance live. But what I did see upon awakening this morning, was a truckload of RIDICULOUS comments about her “muffin top”.
Here are a few things to keep in mind for the rest of this year:

1. ALL women have some kind of roll, somewhere. It’s called GRAVITY you moron. You don’t see it or know this to be true, because no woman wants to be NEAR you, let alone come home to your creepy ass apartment, or better yet, the basement of your mom’s house, so how could you know? But at some point in your adult life when you’re able to seduce a woman to take her clothes off around you, you’d realise that it’s human nature.

2. In my experience, women who do not have some amount of body fat on themselves, are 99% of the time, fucking MISERABLE. For a woman to be low enough in body fat to not have any ‘soft bits’, she’s dieting extremely hard, and working out like a fucking freak. I know because I’ve spent a majority of my life in that head space. And it sucks.

3. It’s 2000 and fucking 17- Grow the fuck up

4. Speaking of 2017, welcome to the party. In case you haven’t been introduced to the dawn of the new age, women aren’t here for your approval, and we truly do not give a fuck what you think. When you comment stupid shit like “I was waiting for a guest appearance but all I saw was Gaga’s muffin top”, you look like a SUCH an insecure little cock-sucker who has a 3 inch dick, and drives a ridiculously over-priced lifted F450.
Namaste Bitchesssssssss

It’s been an insanely promising start to the year over here in Berlin and this week, things got even better!

I am so excited to announce Black Sheep Athletics as one of my new sponsors for 2017!


When I moved to Berlin I was pleasantly surprised  by the popularity of Crossfit within the city.  Countless boxes appear on Google searches, all boasting very similar practices and facilities.

After spending some time with Unit 27 in Phuket, I have been spoiled for quality in coaching and facility.  Selling me on a new box was going to tough!

Through networking and meeting other athletes, I had been invited to try a few boxes, all in varying locations surrounding my suburb of residence.  Knowing that most places would be closed over the Christmas and New Year period I reached out to some other boxes to check opening hours and looked for a place to train for a few days.

Black Sheep responded to my email quickly, informing me of the sessions they had available over the holiday period.  I was pleasantly surprised that they were hosting WOD’s almost every day where most others were closed.


I booked in for my first session after my Christmas excursion to Budapest.  I was pretty eager to get moving again as this was not long after my forced rest period from Spitfire.

It was easy to find (even though in a slightly obscure location) due to ample sign posting along the way.

When I made my way to the front door, I am immediately struck by what is painted on the wall…


‘This is my type of place!’.

I felt comfortable before I had even stepped through the front door.  A feeling I welcome in new gyms.

Over the past few weeks I have participated in multiple Crossfit sessions conducted by the main coaches available and I have been extremely happy with the quality of the coaching and the facility is one of the best I have seen in the world.  (Check out the virtual tour at https://goo.gl/8UfYrt)

What I have found in my travels, is that it is relatively easy to go and jump into a Crossfit session, no matter where in the world you are, especially if you already have some base for lifting.  Usually though, I find that once instructors see that I have the basics down the tend to focus on the other students and leave me to my own devices.


While this is not always a bad thing, I have been incredibly impressed by the fact that every coach at Black Sheep is always looking to improve my technique.  Every session I get to make adjustments to my lifts, making me look stronger than I actually am ????  The coaches are always looking to make you that little bit better then when you walked in the door.

It didn’t take me long to realise that this was where I wanted to be.  Just like Spitfire, I was welcomed with open arms and before long it felt like home.


After a few weeks back into it, I decided that I wanted to compete in the Crossfit Games for the first time.  Unfortunately because they begin sooner than expected, I may not be ready to complete the full 5 weeks of RX workouts but I will be attempting the ones where I believe I can.

Most combat athletes have a cross training of their choice.  Crossfit is without a doubt, mine.  It’s not only something that I really enjoy, but the whole body conditioning allows me to move faster and push myself harder for my own training and fights.  My injuries bother me less when I am consistent with my Crossfit sessions as it allows me to work on strengthening my stabilising muscles and build strength in areas where I desperately need it.

A huge thank you to the team at Black Sheep for having me as a part of the team!  I’m extremely excited to get started with the Opens and am looking forward to building myself into a better, all rounded athlete.

If you are in Berlin, or travelling through, stop by and check us out!  You can find Black Sheep Athletics on the web, on Facebook, and on Instagram!

There are a lot of opinions and discussions out there about what it takes to be a champion.  This applies to mostly everything.  When people reference athletes though, the most common topics to come up are things like how hard someone trains, the way they train, how they treat their body, what they do for recovery perhaps, and finally, their mindset.

“Champions make habits, not excuses.”  “Champions go the extra mile/round.”  “Champions don’t quit.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar to you?

I wanted to write about this after seeing the UFC 207 post fight press conference with Amanda Nunes?  Did you all catch it?  It honestly made me love her even more and it spoke volumes to me about her frame of mind and why I consider he to be a true champion.


Now let’s keep in mind how hyped this fight was.  It was rumoured months before the UFC confirmed it and it was high up on the list of fan requests.  Rousey making her big ‘comeback’ after a 13 month layoff and Nunes defending her belt for the first time.  After a victory like this, in environment that encourages smack talk, it would have been so easy for Nunes to be glib or arrogant in her responses.

Some people are immediately commented on Nunes ‘attitude’ post fight claiming she was arrogant in her interview with Joe Rogan in the cage.  I personally felt like she exuded confidence, walking that fine, sometimes indistinguishable line between arrogance and confidence.  At the end of the day though, haters gonna hate.

In the post fight press conference, Nunes fielded some pretty awkward yet obvious questions and I believe she handled things exceptionally well.

When she was asked how she felt about the promotion for UFC 207 being so one sided Nunes said that she had expected it.  She acknowledged that Rousey was the draw card for this fight and went on to say that she had asked Dana White for this fight and she ok with the promotion running in this fashion.  In return, it was in her favour to fight a big name.


Nunes was asked about how she felt about the pay discrepancies and she said she was happy. She didn’t care. It allows her to buy a house, to look after her family and to help her take care of people that have helped her along the way.  It is the largest pay Nunes has received for any fight and she was just happy.  She said ‘I don’t know (how much I will be paid), but it’s gonna be a lot of money’ as she grinned from ear to ear.

She was asked if she felt bad for Rousey and Tate, having potentially retired the two biggest names in the division.  Her response?  ‘There is a lot of talent in this division and people need to see that.  Now people won’t only be talking about Rousey or Nunes.’

When asked about who should be her next opponent, Nunes says she doesn’t care. She will be ready for anyone.

It is so clear that Nunes is a passionate, driven fighter.  I think we all know that the reality is, fighting seldom makes you rich and famous.  Nunes talked and acknowledged that her win was not only good for her, but for the other talented women who have busted their guts getting to the UFC.  Of course she wants some recognition in the future, but I feel like that is just plain logic.

On the opposite side to this, it is no secret that I am not a Rousey fan.  Even when she was famous and on her winning streak I was not a fan.  However, taking 13 months off after a loss (and granted a very nasty knockout) is not, in my opinion, how a champion thinks.  A 13 month layoff is not something (barring surgeries and serious injuries) that I can really comprehend.  Losses are a part of any competitive sport.  And in fighting, when you look at it, when you walk into that cage (or ring), there are only really two possible outcomes (failing a draw which is incredibly unlikely at this level).   You win or you lose.

To be fair, Rousey is not totally to blame.  The UFC have enabled her to behave as she pleases.  They have enabled her extreme ‘time off’ and allowed her to shirk her media responsibilities.  And now, after yet another loss, it is likely she will not return to MMA.


When Tate lost to Nunes, she still showed up to the post fight conference.  Tate being another example of an athlete who has the grace and mentality of a champion.  Rousey was no where to be found after both of her losses.

I’m stoked to see Nunes as champion again.  I think she is the prime example of the hard work, commitment and mentality that it takes to be a champion.  Every athlete is different.  Every athlete trains in a different way.  I guess I would just like to see more champions conduct themselves in the way that Nunes does.

Given the robust talent in the greater Boston area, I am honored and humbled to be chosen as the Eagle Tribune’s 2016 Sportsman of the Year.

The Eagle Tribune has been in my corner every step of the journey. I am grateful for the support and friendship that I have developed with them.

Check out the article here

Or by clicking on this link!


Thank you all for the continued positivity and love. It fuels me in a way I cannot describe. Special thanks to my mom, dad, and brother, as none of this would be possible without you.

Thank you Crimson Aquatics and Andy Cannon at NorthEast Rehabilitation for keeping me on my “110% game.” Thank you NYOW for putting on a world class marathon swimming event, 8 Bridges.

Thank you to my sponsors: GRRRL Clothing, Vermont Peanut Butter, BRL Sports Nutrition, Knuckleheads Apparel and VOMAX…you have taken my training and performance to the next level.

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It’s no secret that this year has been more challenging than the first two I had spent abroad.  But when everything happens in so many small, unconnected incidences, it’s quite confronting when someone forces you to look back at the challenges you’ve faced.

I always try to be positive and move forward – always looking for new opportunities if I believe I can be doing better – doing more.  That is, after all, how I ended up in Berlin.

My time in Thailand has allowed me to become a complete master in compartmentalizing my emotions.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have my moments – hell – I have my days.  I cry, I throw tantrums, I feel sorry for myself and I just want to throw in the towel.  The problem now is that I am so used to burying my head and pushing forward that sometimes that I fail to take the time to acknowledge the challenges I have had and the impact they have had on me mentally.


This year started out in pretty bad fashion and was a constant roller coaster of injuries, let downs and questions over my own personal motivations and if I could justify to keep going down this road.

After changing gyms at the end of 2015, I was so hopeful and optimistic moving into 2016.  I was training under James McSweeney at the newly opened Unit 27 Technical Fight Factory and the year was full of promise.  After taking some time off for treatments to my knee and shoulder I came back ready to rock and roll.  Not a month into training, I was kicked in the hand and my 5th finger snapped at a 90 degree angle.  It took 3 months of xrays and visits to the surgeon to ensure that my finger and the fractured bones inside had healed enough to put my hand back in a glove.


Before my hand even had a chance to heal our gym was shut down.  I remained diligent in my responses to the reasons behind the fall of UTFF but my friends close to me know that I experienced one of the biggest betrayals in my career to date.  My coach vanished – moved to another country and never said a word.  He left behind an entire fight team who were relying on him and because I had been training with him the longest, everyone turned to me for answers.

Fast forward a few months and I was happily back at AKA.  I had joined the MMA program and although far behind in certain technical aspects, I was still managing to hold my own and earned the respect of my fellow team mates.

Just as I had gotten back I was struck down with a random viral infection that had me out for a week.  A few trips to the clinic and lots of IV bags later, I was slowly getting back into training.


Not long after this, I was finally settling in to the program at AKA and it was there I suffered my first ever concussion.  As per most training incidents, it was a complete accident.  I was in the midst of preparing to be matched for a fight though so stopping wasn’t an option.

2 days later I am called to fight Muay Thai on short notice and after much deliberation, I decided to take it.  I hadn’t earned any money in 6 months.  And most of all I was hungry.  And fed up.  I just wanted to fight.  So I took a fight on 24 hours notice after already training 4 hours that morning.

The next night I fought and walk away with a win, a second concussion and 5 stitches.


Yes.  I can hear you all now.  The eye rolls.  The head shakes.  The ‘oh what a silly girl’.

None of you are wrong.  I still roll my eyes and shake my head when I think about it.

Luckily the stitches alone meant a week of rest which I happily took.  The head trauma was extremely noticeable so I was happy to take some time to relax.

The problem in Thailand is that no one checks on you or makes you see a doctor.  No one checks before you fight to make sure that you are ok.  No one questions when you decide to return to training, it’s almost expected that you just will.  And for someone like me, who has been such an active fighter for these years, these things make for a bad combination.  The fact that I could find myself justifying training like this will haunt me forever.

At this time I was having issues with my left ankle.  I suspected stress fractures as this was an injury I had suffered on numerous occasions before and everything about the injury felt familiar.  But I pushed forward, still hoping for my first MMA fight to come.

About 2 weeks after the Muay Thai fight, I suffer a third (yet mild) concussion.  Mostly a direct result of not resting for long enough.  It was an unfortunate accident in 4 ounce gloves that landed me out again for another week.  During this time off I went to visit the doctor to have my ankle looked at.  Xrays showed I had stress fractures in my left ankle that were approximately 3 weeks old.


I was set to very limited training for a few weeks following meaning no fights, only light boxing and no weights or Muay Thai.  I tried to use this time to continue to work on my appalling boxing skills, but unfortunately my limited movement made sparring extremely difficult.

Finally I received the all clear to resume, but in my time off I had booked a 6 week trip to Europe to reassess what I was doing with my career.

I ending up booking a fight 2 days before I due to fly out.  Naturally I took it on 8 days notice.  It was a local Queens Cup event but I felt it was a good way to end out training before taking a big break.


After a solid win, despite being incredibly unfit, I ventured to Europe where I travelled, at good food, tried out different gyms and cities and eventually found my new home at Spitfire.

When I look back on things, I should have cut my losses and gone home.  I had many moments where I wanted to.  I spent most of the year in complete angst over the time I had spent chasing what seemed like a ridiculous and impossible dream.

I was so unsure of myself and my ability to make good decisions moving forward.  The only thing I knew was that my time in Thailand had come to an end.

I had spent two weeks in Berlin on my holiday.  1 week enjoying the sights and the nightlife and another week of training in what was to be my new training home.  It didn’t take me long to realise that a change in pace and scenery was just what I was needing.


The European circuit is full of competition in my weight class and I figured it was a great way to fulfill my lifelong wish to live and travel in Europe, and also take on a range of new opponents both in MMA and Muay Thai.  K1 also remains an option and experience for the near future.

I’m now a few weeks in to my time here in Berlin and I am loving it.  Unfortunately though, I have since suffered my 4th concussion for the year in a freak BJJ accident.  (a post on this to come).

It was a truly frightening experience for me because I know that there are only so many times that this can happen before it ends my career.  I remember just lying on the mat with a stream of tears rolling down my cheeks.  I couldn’t stop it.  In that moment I felt so useless and defeated.

I’m certain everyone thought I was physically hurt, but the stress of another hit was a little more than I could bear at the time.  Moving countries, leaving all my friends in Thailand and Australia and being benched again.  I was at my limit.

After a night in hospital under observation I was released and took a week off to rest.  (I was actually banned from the gym but let’s call it rest ;)).

I’m finally back into training, with the year coming to a close.  No rest for the wicked though as I have now been cleared to spar and fight pending a second doctors check once I get matched.

It has been a weird and refreshing change to be in a gym where my well being comes first.  Not just to my manager and trainers, but even to my training partners.  “Health comes first”.


Being in Berlin, starting my life all over AGAIN.  It’s not without it’s challenges.  But I definitely feel good about where I am.  Even though I am so new, I have been so supported over the past few weeks and the knowledge that the fighters in my gym have to offer is just incredible.

Bring on 2017.  I’m ready to take things to the next level.

There should be no surprises when I say that moving back into the Western World was not without a little reverse culture shock.  It has, however, surprised me by the things that have taken some adjusting to and the things I am really enjoying!

Drinking tap water should have been the greatest thing in the world.  But I have been so wired to not drink tap water now that I kept forgetting that I could.  Couple that with the cold weather and I was extremely dehydrated my first week here.  The water tastes a bit funny to me but I am also not sure if that is just the taste of Berlin water or if I’m just so used to drinking the ‘recycled’ water in Thailand.

Everything is closed on Sunday’s here which is still throwing me through a loop.  It’s my only day off and I want to run errands but I can’t.  I was told over the weekend that this is impossible here (yes – the word used was impossible).  Aside from the local Spati’s (late night corner shops) almost everything is closed.

I have traded in my motorbike for a push bike which I am actually loving.  It’s so quick and easy to ride around here (although moderately terrifying because everything still feels backwards to me).  The extra exercise is great although I have been using it to justify eating bread and soft baked pretzels which is not so good.


German efficiency is beginning to look mythical to me as the formal process to register my existence and apply for my visa is a stressful and taxing one.  Even with a lawyer it’s a difficult process and you always seem to need one thing in order to do another and vice versa.  I don’t know if this is simply the ‘German way’ or if they are trying to discourage the (quickly growing) number of expatriates living in the city.  A question for another day.

I have been surprised by the number of people who don’t speak English here.  On most accounts, general consensus was that almost everyone speaks English here.  This is simply not the case.  It makes training interesting because there’s a lot of hard work being done, and people shouting in German.  Sparring is particularly frightening with all the German yelling.


I have to be very mindful to not fall into the lazy trap here.  Particularly with these colder months ahead.  Part of my moving here was to explore Europe and enjoy Berlin so I need to be diligent in doing so.  The two days off that I have had I have spent doing some touristy things.  A trip to the Zoo and the Berliner Dom have been my first two pits stops and I am planning to take a trip over the Christmas weekend – hopefully to somewhere I have not visited before.

Grocery shopping is challenging because I have had to Google translate a lot of things.  Meaning I spend a lot of time at the grocery store and often leave without things that I went in for (and a lot of things I didn’t go in for).  I have had some groceries delivered online so I could translate my orders on my computer but there is a noticeable price difference for doing so.

I have joined the ‘Free Advice Berlin’ group on Facebook where I can ask random questions and get advice.  It’s been very helpful in me avoiding committing any cultural or social faux pas, simply from reading other people’s questions.

Socks.  How great are socks!?!? Especially the warm fluffy kind.  And shoes!  I don’t even know where my flip flops are!  It’s a bizarre thing to be enjoying it, but I am!

There is a nice casual culture here which really suits my style.  My boxes still haven’t arrived from Thailand though so I am wearing mostly gym clothes and was forced to buy new jeans.  It could be worse, but I will enjoy having my things when they finally do arrive.

It is COLD!  But shockingly, I am enjoying it – provided there are no gushing winds.  It’s been a really pleasant change after walking on the sun for 3 years.  It takes an extra few minutes to get out the door because of all the layers I have to put on, but all in all, it’s not so bad.  I have more difficulty regulating my temperature between the initial cold, warming up by walking and riding, more cold, then extremely well insulated buildings.  I will get there eventually.


DHL and other package delivery services are free to leave your parcels with your neighbours which weirds me out a little bit.  So far it’s been fine and it appears to be common practice.  Definitely not something I would want to have happen in Thailand.

The party scene and nightlife is not as obvious as I had expected.  Turns out Berlin has a great nightlife, but is, for the most part, a regular city where people get up and go to work.  Who knew!

I have managed to find a lot of random things that I thought would be difficult to find.  The other day I even found Matcha powder which was a huge win for me.

Wheat free bread is a thing here.  And gluten levels in regular bread are low.  So little to no allergic response to bread has been fantastic.  Very pleased to have been shown where the wheat free bread is though (hopefully when I go back there, the person can speak English…).

Berlin is proving to be quite a lonely city but again, I am not sure if this is due to the weather and being new.  I expect that summer will be a very different story.

All in all the move has gone well.  I love that I am here and I am insanely happy.  It was the right call for me personally and I’m excited by the opportunities that lie ahead.

In my experience, especially with grappling and MMA, every gym has a different style and program.  Most of what I know I have learnt through tips from other people or from watching fights on TV.  When everyone is on the same program it puts you on par with other students.  This recent change in gyms has really highlighted a lot of technical gaps and gaps in my knowledge.

My grappling is still very new.  Yes I dabbled from time to time in Melbourne, but nothing significant enough to warrant mention.  In all honesty I mostly went to spend time with my grappling buddies and to take a break from getting punched in the face.


When I left Thailand I finally felt as though I had turned a corner in both my grappling and MMA sparring.  I went home and rolled with a good friend who had trained with me in Thailand earlier on in the year.  He had a lot of good feedback about my development in the few months in between which was a relief to hear.

Fast forward to Berlin and I don’t even understand a lot of the warm up.  I feel like the broken link in the chain slowing my partner down during drilling.  It’s the first time where things have been shown to me and I can’t put them into action.  It’s so frustrating to feel like I am starting all over again.

Fortunately, I am still a white belt and most people have exceptional patience with me but I’m eager to catch up with this program and to start developing again.  It’s a strange thing having your rolls be ok, but having no technical training against technical grapplers really shows.14753713_1814485248827455_8807372661076320949_o

I had my first sparring session over the weekend which was nice.  I almost backed out but thought it might be nice to see how I go on my feet – do something that I am more comfortable with.

One of greatest things from the past few months at AKA has been getting in MMA sparring 3 times a week.  I relied heavily on my clinch in my fights and never took the time to develop my striking until this year.


It was a very uncomfortable beginning.  A few (accidental) concussions and some quiet (and some not so quiet) tears.  After a few sessions you decide to quit or not be the punching bag and I went with the latter.  I worked with people I trusted, people who would push me, and I grew.  My striking still has a long way to go but I am feeling a lot more confident on my feet.  Even in my exhausted and jetlagged state, I felt comfortable standing and trading.

It’s always difficult being the new kid at a gym – it takes time to see where people are at, what is acceptable in training and how hard people will push you.  Today was a great way to help me find my feet although I still feel like I was a few steps out of place.

I’m, however, definitely in the right spot for now.  I feel completely supported in my career and I have some really talented training partners.  I joined a team and a family and I’m excited to see what lays ahead for us all.

I am hoping to announce my next fight soon but this next week will be spent getting on the new program – getting some of my fitness back – and hopefully shaking my awful jetlag!

Stay tuned!

Recently I made the decision to leave Phuket and move to Berlin.  I’ve received an overwhelming number of messages that I have not had the time to reply to yet but I am very grateful to everyone for their well wishes and support.

Leaving the land of Muay Thai was not a decision that was made lightly.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Muay Thai will always be my first love.  Despite this, I’ve had to make a choice between the two for now and it’s time to give MMA a run.

While Muay Thai fights are plentiful here, MMA fights, especially for woman are not.  The pool of competitors is small, given that MMA is still, technically, illegal in Thailand.  So regardless of what happens, I will need to travel to fight.  This puts me in an awkward position given that I have had no MMA fights to date.  Promoters don’t want to fly nobody’s (which given the costs involved is totally fair) so I needed to look into where would be a good place to go, to continue on this path.


Second to that, is that living in Thailand long term (without a work visa or education visa) is becoming more and more difficult as the years roll on.

I was extremely lucky to meet the requirements for a 12 month working holiday visa my first year in Thailand so I had no issues and no evidence of visa runs (border runs) in my passport so I was never flagged at immigration.  I then replaced my passport at the end of last year so that there were no obvious flags.  Getting through immigration the first few times were a breeze.

When I came back from my trip to Europe (check out my photos on instagram @missmuaythai) I was immediately flagged at immigration, despite having been out of the country for 6 weeks AND having a brand new, valid, 60 day visa.  The officer flagged me by mistake, as his supervisor took one look at my visa and said, this is fine.  But the questions came.  “You come in and out of Thailand a lot?”.  “What are you doing here?”.  I was half expecting them to request a copy of my bank statement or an ATM slip (which, they can actually ask you for so you can prove you have the means to support yourself here).


At this point in time, another tourist visa is not going to help my case much and if I need to fly out of the country (to go home or to fight) means I will have more issues coming back.

And finally.  I and ready to rejoin western society, to work a little and get back into the swing of regular life.

Thailand is a wonderful place, and I am so grateful for my time here.  I’ve made lifelong friends and made irreplaceable memories, but for me, it’s time for the next adventure.  And who knows!  I’ll probably be back again!