Hey grrrl heyyyyyyyy!

It’s been a while since I sat down to write a blog.  We’ve had @spunkycanuck on the blog and doing such a wonderful job, that I’ve been slacking!  Anyway, the purpose of this blog is to share some info with you that I’ve yet to try out, but wanted to get a jump start on helping share the info.

A lot of you know our Long time grrrlfriend @firehoseincarnita on IG.  She’s been battling some crazy-ass mold issue that is basically trying to kill her.  But in true grrrl spirit, she’s fighting through it like a BOSS!  Anyway, Gretchen knows that I have to pee ALL THE TIME.  So she hooked me up with the gals over at Apex Medical.  They sent me this magical wand you stick up the vajayjay that uses electrical stimulation to cause your pelvic floor muscles to contract.

 

Now, personally I think the reason I have to pee all the time is because I generally drink a gallon of water a day.  But since I’ve been basically living out of a suitcase since March 1st, I’ve dropped my water intake dramatically and haven’t found myself having to pee nearly as much as usual.  And to be frank, I have a really strong pelvic floor and great muscle control.  (Confirmed by my last planned parenthood visit lol)

That being said, I know we have A LOT of women who’ve done the miraculous act of pushing a TINY HUMAN out of their body, and find themselves peeing when hitting certain lifts hard, jumping, or doing other various activities.

Keep in mind I have yet to try this machine out myself yet,  I do NOT get paid to promote in any way, shape or form, and  I don’t have a discount code to offer you.  Just a pathway to explore.

And in the meantime, if Bear Guilles can drink his own piss and survive, I don’t see it a problem that anyone tinkles a bit when training.  Or laughing.  Or sneezing for that matter!

I’ll report back once I get onto test driving the “wand”, but in the meantime, if any of you want to check it out, you can find their website https://www.incontrolmedical.com

PEE ON GRRRLS!  OUR BODIES SERVE MANY FUNCTIONS, AND ARE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Love

MFCEO

Sisters. 

As we’re rolling into GL18- I thought I’d share some thoughts with you. 

This screenshot of my personal accounts are all negative balances except my checking account with $184.07 in it. 

The $25,000 loan and my credit card just bridging $7,000 are all expenses from GL17. 

I’m not financially irresponsible, just uneducated.

My dad got me my first pretend checkbook when I was 14?  But when I started using drugs and drinking at 17, needless to say I wasn’t the most financially responsible person. I remember the first time I learned I owed my bank $1200 from the mysterious “reserve line” I wasn’t even aware I had.  Apparently when you deposit a check, only $100 of it is available for the first 24 hours until it clears.  #whoops. I also remember when I bought my first house, and after the first year, I looked at the actual statement, and noticed that I had basically paid zero off the principal of the loan, and that my mortgage of $2300 was going towards interest.  I was gutted.  I hate owing people money, I hate being late on payments, and I always do my best to keep my credit score in at least the Low 700’s.

Anyway, I digress…..

Financial insecurity has always been a ‘thing’ for me.  I grew up in a hard working middle class family.  I never went without anything, but I was always feelings like we never had enough.  Could potentially be alcoholism, but I don’t have the mental capacity to go into that right now.

This picture was yesterday, 12 hours at a desk working on the event, but I’m actually writing this blog from the back of a van, with bags of inventory piled around me in trash bags as myself and my two wing grrrls, drive towards Vegas for 2018.  I still have a lot to do leading up to this event which is only FIVE DAYS away from happening now.  But at least unlike last year (our first year), I wasn’t just diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and sleep deprived for 2 weeks!

But as we roll into GL18, I look at the debts I took on from my personal account, to pull this event off.  We took out several loans, and have spent the majority of 2017 paying them off, but have yet to touch my personal debts.  The credit card was used for AV costs, and the cash flow manager loan was used to pay The Artisan hotel, to take over the hotel.

Clearly, we had to learn that lesson the hard way.  After GL17, there were SEVERAL times we nearly rolled up our doors due to the inability to get ahead.  But of course, we’ve always found a way, and looking back on our recent IGG campaign, YOU all found a way……

So now, with GL18 just days away, I noticed that I’m starting to get on edge, and had to question why.  Of course there is a lack of preparation.  We spent 10 days from April 8-18th packing up our warehouse and shipping out 700 orders.  Not great timing in retrospect to be doing that RIGHT before your second annual event.

But I realised that a big part of this edginess comes from that rooted fear of financial insecurity.

But the reality is, financial security is an illusion.  And this is why I’m writing this blog.  If you’re like me, you can easily look at numbers in your account, and let that dictate your mood, or feeling of success.  I can quickly look in my personal account and become overwhelmed and think “what the actual fuck are we doing?”.

Then I think back to the 8 year old who came and met me yesterday after talking to her on the phone a little over a month ago about why she should love her body, and not feel like she is anything less than perfect.  I think about the tears that rolled down her face as we finished saying The Pledge together, and I know that financial insecurity is an illusion.  I think back to the day prior to that, and look at the footage we captured of Amber Gallegos interpreting (signing) a video for us, and explaining the importance of bringing awareness to the deaf community and how we need to do better as a society.

I also think of every member of the grrrlarmy who has had her life changed by this brand.  And whilst my Grandmother might not see the value in what we’re doing because all she ever hears about is how tight money is, and my partner and I are fighting, and my health is declining.  But what a lot of people don’t understand, is that entrepreneurship is rewarding beyond not having to wake up to an alarm clock, being told what to do by someone else, and getting to set your own schedule.  It’s about having the opportunity for creating real, substantial change.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re a business owner, or contemplating starting your own business, do not let financial insecurity deter you from chasing your passion.  These numbers in my personal account are temporary.  And even if they kept getting bigger, who the fuck cares?  We’ve created an army of women ready to FIGHT for any one of us.  GL18 is doubled in size from GL17, and we learned by making A LOT of mistakes the first time around.  If we let that keep us back from doing it again, there wouldn’t be any magic.

When I die, I’m not taking any of these numbers with me, positive or negative.  Interest rates and the ‘Federal Reserve’, have a fascinating history if you ever get time, look up how the institution got started, and who’s behind it. “The Thrive Movement” is a good place to start on youtube.

Once again, I digress….

So much is about to go down next weekend.  I can’t even articulate.  But had I let fear creep in, and financial insecurity hold me back, a lot of lives wouldn’t be evolving next weekend.  Which of course will have a ripple effect on many more.

So to all of you who have made the sacrifices to get out here, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and know that GL19 will be even more untouchable.  With that many more lives impacted.

Love

MFCEO

Below you’ll find the letter I’ve just wrote to someone I’ve never met or spoken to in my life.  But this is how we stay clean and sober.  Some of you may not know that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.  I often like to post about the dis-ease of addiction and alcoholism because there is still a lot of stigma around the topic.  A lot of miseducation.  But the reality is, we do recover.  We aren’t bad people who need to get good, we are sick people who need to get well.  Doing service work like this reminds me of why I must wake up grateful every day for what I do have, and not what I don’t have.  And today, what I do have, is freedom from addiction, as well as a life beyond my wildest dreams.  Might not be financially free and jetsetting like Cardi B or Kim Kardashian, but that’s OK!  Money doesn’t satisfy the soul.  Being of service, in my experience, does…… 

 

Hey Jay!!!

My name is Kortney, and I’m …… well I’m a lot of things. I’m the “woman with the world’s deadliest thighs”, australia’s first female arm wrestling champion, and according to the Australian media, I’m an ex fetish porn star. LOL #winning
But at the end of the day, no matter what my ego thinks it wants you to know, the only thing you need to know, is that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.

I don’t know much about you. Other than you’re inside due to drugs. But your Sister follows me on IG. I often post about recovery so people can better understand our dis-ease. (Dis= opposite . Ease = easy living……….. so what we have, is the opposite of easy living.. not like some crusty penis type disease lol). We hear the world mental illness and think something is wrong with us. When in reality, we all have a level of mental health. So when we say we’re ‘mentally ill”, it just means we’re not really healthy in the mind when we’re sick.
Remember this, us addicts/alcoholics (all the same shit at the end of the day) are NOT bad people who need to get good…. we are SICK people who need to get good.

Today, with 8.5 years without a drink, nearly 8 without a drug, I’ve launched a global clothing line that is changing the world. But without having had worked the 12 steps, and doing what was suggested there’s no way I would be where I am today. In fact I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive.

I started using meth when I was 17 (despite being a perfect poster child) because I lost weight. From there I experienced (I no longer use the word ‘suffered’) a rape by my boxing instructor/mentor, and went down a dark spiral and started drinking professionally around 19. Took me a Long time of going in and out of the rooms to FINALLY quit trying to escape my feelings and repair my damaged soul. Even after being clean and sober for a year, I found norco, which turned into oxy in the end. But you see, that wasn’t my problem, because my name was on the bottle, and was prescribed by a doctor.

You see- us addicts are very clever people. We can manipulate every one around us, get what we want, then burn it to the ground, and end up blaming everyone else around us. Hahahahaha! It’s amazing! When I think back about all the time and effort that went into trying to stay drunk, or get a bag, or refill my RX, I have A LOT of time wasted. However, today- I look back at my past, and am incredibly proud. Not with false pride, but a pride that comes from literally walking through the gates of hell. Addiction/alcoholism is fatal, and kills someone just on pills alone every 19 seconds here in the USA.

So, that being said, I want you to know that we do recover. I don’t know how Long you’re locked up for, or what you’re looking at, but I can send you some literature and help guide you to finding the steps and addressing the beast. You don’t ever have to use again. It’s a peculiar feeling getting clean and sober. For me, the first two years were awful. But that’s purely because I didn’t do what was suggested by the program. I only went to meetings because I knew I had to. But I didn’t put any effort into the steps, never did service work, hated fellowshipping, and just got addicted to body building instead. Which kept me clean and sober in the beginning, but I kept looking for approval from others on the outside. And as we know, compliments are like lines of coke- they work for only a short period of time. Hence why I hated that drug. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, I want you to know that we do recover. All of the answers that you need are in the literature. I’m positive you’d be able to find a sober/clean member within the confines of that box there as well to help guide you. Prison is really kind of pointless in a lot of respects. We take meetings into jails and institutions, but you need daily meetings.

What we’re dealing with (if you are far progressed as I was with my addiction (my dis-ease) is the equivalent of stage 4 bone cancer. People who have stage 4 bone cancer are literally on deaths doorstep. They have to take their medicine daily, most often hourly. The same can be said for us. If I don’t do something daily to manage my dis-ease (because our illness is centred in the mind), I will surely pick back up again. And I will no doubt, die- or worse, kill someone else and wind up in prison myself. I’m a very violent person whenever I put drugs or alcohol into my system. Like you, I have an allergic reaction, and the craving phenomenon kicks off. Normal people don’t have those issues. Isn’t it great to be so far from normal! 🙂

I’ll be doing a road show tour and in the USA for some time. Maybe there’s a way I can come see you and facilitate a meeting. But please stay strong. Ask for help. You are not weak in will power, you have a disease that is not curable, but is capable of going into remission. And you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams.

I used to steal your wallet then help you look for it. That’s not who I am when I’m clean and sober. Today I’m looking to give away as much as I can to those who need it more than I. Building a legacy. Leaving my mark. And so can you-

I believe in you. And from one addict to another, I know exactly what you’re feeling and experiencing. There is hope. We do recover. One day at a time.

And last thing: one day at a time, simply means that all we have is the now. There is no such thing as the past or the future. Time is a man-made creation to run a society/civilisation. The past and future purely live in our minds, where we play them over and over, or play them out, and get caught up in depression or anxiety. So stay within just today- the only thing that exists. Tomorrow if you want your misery and pain back, you can have it. But just for today, you’ve got this. Pray to a higher power (I don’t know who or what that is, but I believe there is a God, and I am NOT it!!!) for guidance, and watch what happens. Could be Mother Nature, aliens, Jesus, Satan- doesn’t matter. We just recommend you realise that on your own, you can’t mange your own life. Kind of easy to see when your behind bars 😉

But- know that there are millions of us out here praying for you to ‘get it’, and then you too can pass on the good word that we do recover.

We love you!

In fellowship
Kortney O

What Should You Be Saying To Your Kids Everyday?

Teen Whispering 101:

A parent asked me “what’s the number one thing I should be telling my daughters every day besides the obvious stuff like ‘I love you’ etc”

After answering with a quick reply, I felt like I was doing her a disservice and needed to do a live video.

The number one thing you can be saying, is nothing at all. It’s actually A C T I O N.

When Jackie brings home a drawing from school, instead of saying some generic “oh wow that’s great honey!”, you get in the moment, and find yourself in the detail! “Jackie wow! Look you drew within the lines! That is so hard to do. That takes real talent. And look at how you blended the colors!” – I remember when I did my first water color drawing, my Pop said “wow! That’s really hard to do something so abstract”, her validation was so rewarding to me as a 7 year old.

You can tell your kids “I love you” until they’re blue in the face, but if your actions are contrary, showing them that they’re not worth your time, they won’t believe a word out of your mouth. You know what it’s like- show of hands…. how many of you have had a guy say “I love you” and you were just like “oh pa-leeeeeeze! You are SO full of shit- you just want my goodie bag!”

Well believe it or not, kids are REALLY smart. They pick up on all of the detail. And I do mean ALL of it.

So when you’re out at the shops, and youre scrolling facebook, and not paying attention to what they’re doing, but your half ass talking to them while looking at your phone, only looking up when someone starts slapping the other, or causing a problem- you’re reinforcing negative behaviour. You need to get your head in the game, and show them that they’re your priority. Not to say you can’t have time to yourself- but you need to designate that time and be real clear on it- “Jackie- this is Mum’s time, and it’s important that I take care of myself or I can’t take care of you…” or when you’re in the middle of something and Jackie is trying to get your attention because she has something REALLY important to show you, you stop and let her know instead of not looking up and just shouting at her that you’re busy. You instead stop, look up at her, and say “Jackie darling, I’m in the middle of something important, but you are also really important and deserve my undivided attention. So let me finish what I was doing then I’ll give you my attention, fair deal?”

Let me tell you why this is so important. Because what happens is, between ages 0-8, we aren’t fully conscious. We see everything in black or white. Right or wrong. There isn’t much space for grey. We create roughly 75% of our beliefs in this beginning part of our lives- and a majority of those beliefs are limiting! (Not true, unhelpful…)

https://www.facebook.com/KonfidenceByKortney/videos/1816231275076593/

(Watch the live video on my Facebook page if you don’t like to read)

Here’s an example. Let’s flashback in time. Say you are 5 years old, and your little Sister Sarah is 1. She’s sitting in her highchair, you’re sitting on the floor in front of the front door, and your mom is in the kitchen cutting up an Apple for Sarah. Frustrated because you can’t figure out how to tie your shoe, you yell out for your mom’s help. While all of this is going on, Sarah is thrashing around in her highchair and is no standing up, ready to topple over the front straight onto her head. Your mom immediately drops the knife and Apple, looks at you and say “hold on! I’ll be right there honey-“, then rushes over to grab your Sister.

Here’s where it gets interesting. In your little 5 year old head, you create a belief that Sarah is better than you because she got your mom’s attention first. Or, better yet, that your mom loves Sarah more because she attended to her first, and you second. Not knowing that this actually isn’t the truth, and that your mom was simply doing her job as a parent and making sure Sarah didn’t crack her head open, you have now created this limiting belief, and stored it away in your subconscious programming. As an adult, every time you see Sarah on the holidays, for some reason when you get into a room with her, you just want to punch her in the ovary, and you can’t figure out why she just gets on your nerves so goddamn bad!

Now take that example and multiply it by 10,000. 10,000 x 12 years of age… you can do the math. (I still count on my fingers… I suck at math. And that is NOT a belief- that’s a fact lol! That’s also a joke because beliefs control EVERYTHING in our life).
That’s a lot of negative beliefs we create about ourselves and store into our subconscious programming where we don’t even know it exists.

The subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful tool, and something we’ll get into at a later time.

But back to showing action, the other incredibly important thing you must be doing, is displaying a love relationship with yourself. You need to be acutely aware of how you’re acting in your relationship with self, in front of your kids. If you’re telling Sarah every day “I love you”, but then she sees you in front of the mirror with a disgusted look on your face saying things like “God! I look so old today!”, or “ughhhhh this shirt makes me look like a fat cow”… Guess what? You’re child is not going to believe a word out of herself, and she’s going to model behaviour that is unsavoury and incredibly unhelpful.

That term “role model” actually means something when you stop and break it down. We’re conditioned to just say words, and learn what it’s associated with, but not actually consider the meaning in its entirety. What is the “role” you are playing, and how is your child going to “model” it? They will copy your behaviour! So there’s really no point in telling Sarah you love her every day, if she’s learning to copy/model your behaviour in how you treat yourself.

When you stop and think about it, what was your mother’s relationship like with herself? Can you see some of that behaviour in yourself? I’ll let you sit on that for a minute…

No really! Take a few minutes and think about that.

But the good news is, the buck stops here. The reality is, you get to make a conscious decision to become your own best parent right now- right this second! As well as forgive your parents for whatever you felt was lacking in your upbringing. Because lets face it- we did NOT come out of the womb with a how-to manual. Our parents were doing the best that they could with the tools they were given. And now I’m passing some more tools onto you, so you can in turn do the best that YOU can with the tools you’ve been given. As well as increase your toolbox consistently.

I highly encourage any women reading this blog to come and join and us at GL18 in Las Vegas April 28/29th weekend for a life-changing weekend. One of the most valuable workshops I attended in my pursuit to become the world’s best teen whisperer when running Kamp Konfidence, was a program called Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA). NHA is a parenting framework that was created by a psychologist named Dr Howard Glassmen. Bless man was/is an avid horse whisperer, and realised that the same principles of energy that apply when working with horses, is the exact same as children. Specialising in, and designed for kids with adhd/asd, Glassmen created this framework which can be applied in not only parenting, but to all relationships. We’ll have a main stage speaker as well as a smaller breakout workshop in the line up at GL18. At GRRRL, we will continue to deliver life-changing and life-enhancing tools to help us all grow and co-create an INCREDIBLE WORLD!

YOU GO GRRRL! And we’ll see you in Vegas!

So what is all this talk of “International Day of Self Love”?

Formerly known as Valentine’s Day, International Day of Self Love is a chosen day to recognise and honor yourself as your numero uno in life.  In 2016 we rolled out the idea once we realised that there wasn’t a SINGLE calendar day that was dedicated to YOU.  We’re always giving praise, recognising, and supporting other people.  Yes, we get to talk about ourselves and be showered with gifts on our birthdays, but we wanted more than that.

It’s incredibly important for women, because as women we’re designed to be the care-takers.  We’re the nurturers.  We’re the ones that are wanting to fix everyone and everything else but ourselves.  It comes systemically programmed from raising children.  We’re designed by nature, as well as society, to be expected to tend to everyone else’s needs before our own.

My favourite example is the oxygen mask.  When you’re on a plane, the flight attendant gives you pretty clear instructions; Put your own mask on first before assisting others.  I’ve been on hundreds of flights, all over the world, and I can tell you I’ve never ONCE heard anything different.  This is simply because facts are facts- you simply CANNOT help other people if your ass is dead!  So put your oxygen mask on first!  Tend to you FIRST!  Love you FIRST!

This ceremony is an opportunity for you to outwardly, through means of ritual, commit to yourself that you are going to put you and your needs ahead of everyone else in life.  Even your own children.  Because if you aren’t able to be happy and free, your children are going to get a version of you that is 95%, or 85% or maybe even 50%.  Same goes to your partner, your friends, your co-workers and your family.  If you’re too busy saying “yes” when you really want to be saying “no”, to doing things that are taking up too much of your ‘me time’, then you’re going to be rundown, resentful and not close to hitting 100%.

Learning to cultivate self love is hard yards.  It doesn’t come naturally.  This is why you’ve got to get your ass to GL18 and learn some tools!  But first and foremost is you must first make the commitment that you’re going to do you-

So we invite you to get out your favourite dress.  Even get out your old wedding dress.  And if that shit doesn’t fit, cut or tie it so it does!  Go out and buy a new one!  We also encourage you to bake a cake.  Buy a cake.  A slice.  The whole cake- doesn’t matter.  But get yourself a morsel or something that lights up your tastebuds because it’ll be included in the ceremony.

The event will take place on GRRRL Clothing’s Facebook page as well as our IG Live accounts.

Feb 11th, 1pm PST (4pm EST) … (if you’re in Singapore, that’s 5AM MONDAY MORNING FEB 12TH lol)

-come dressed in your favourite dress/top hat/whatever makes you feel like the Queen you are
-get dolled up. Take the time to do what you do when you’d “go out” on a first date with someone else. Do that shit for you!
-bring a piece of cake, or whatever decadent treat you’d normally eat then punish yourself over
-bring a ring.  A new ring, and old ring, a rubberfknband.
-be by a mirror so you can look in it and repeat after me

 

So check this out…

On my IG I have a WAZOO of messages in my DM request folder.  I used to go in there once a month and have a scout for grrrls reaching out, but now I attempt to do it once every other day.  Today I found this message from a guy that taught me a little lesson.  Hence why I’m here to share with you.

Let me just paint a picture for you.  I’m having a horrible day.  Yeah, poor me.  But legit- being an entrepreneur is incredibly difficult.  Every single day is a new height, on a brand new roller coaster, that’s never been ridden before.  One day you’re at the top of it, laughing so hard you’re nearly crying, then 6 hours later your stuck upside down actually crying because you’re scared and you want the fuck off.  So today, I’m not in a great frame of mind.  Taking that energy with me, I opened up the DM request folder.

99 out of 100 DM’s are from blokes.  Either sending a shitty emoji in response to my story, which of course has disappeared so I’ve no clue what it was in response to anyway- or, saying how they want to do x, y, or z to me.  I rarely open them and look, and I usually always never reply.  But then I saw this fella, and thought “huh- he doesn’t look like your average guy trying to holler at me… let’s see what it says.”

Then I read his message.  I got to the last sentence, and saw “I will tell you more about me on fb messenger or email”.  I immediately thought, “the FUCK you will!  Who the hell do you think you are Romeo?”…. then for shits and giggles I clicked on to check out his feed.  I looked at a couple of the newest post, and Immediatly thought “should I bloke this bloke?”… But then I kept scrolling.  I watched the above video, and started to wonder if they guy was a bit psycho.  Then, for whatever reason, it dawned on me.  It dawned on me what his actual message said before that last sentence I chose to become fixated on, when I started drawing up my judgements about him.

He said, “I am 48 years old and have a fourth grade level math skills, this is what makes me unique”.  Then it dawned on me- maybe this guy isn’t trying to hit on me, or holler at me- and he simply is just looking for a goddamn fucking Friend.  

You see, perspective is a really powerful tool.  We always have the choice to look at every situation in a different light.  ALWAYS.  Yes, it’s incredibly important to follow your instincts and be switched on when scrolling social media, and block people who might pose a risk of being obsessive- but all in all- remember that you might have some lonely people out there in the world just looking for a connection.

Do the next right thing and be a decent human being.

October, 2013. Gold Coast, Australia.

As most of you know, the story behind GRRRL and how we got started, is direct pull from the teenage girl wellness camp I founded called Kamp Konfidence.  After 2 years of running the weekend program and 61 graduates who’s lives will never be the same, one of my partners became pregnant and needed to tap out.  (Seems to be a common theme in my life lol!). So in the down time, we decided to take the Vision and Mission of Kamp Konfidence and roll it into a clothing line that would reach every corner of the world, much stronger and much faster.

Now- somewhere along the way, I went to the Fit Expo in Melbourne.  I’ll never forget that weekend, as I had horrific gastro for the first time in my life.  It took the life of me to walk around that convention center and taking pics with people, without shitting my pants.  To make it even more interesting, was I had to try and not get to freaked out about going on NATIONAL TELLEY the next day to talk to Sunrise about Kamp Konfidence.  Funny story, really.  But whilst I was at the Fit Expo, a Friend said I should meet Dana Linn Bailey and tell her about Kamp Konfidence, and that she was really nice and would probably help us by posting something on social media.  So we decided to make sneaky moves, and cut off all of her fans and intercept her coming out of some hidden room.

I knew of DLB because back when I was competing, she was more or less starting out.  People would often send me her pics and say ‘you guys are so similar!’.  At one point in 2008, I even emailed asking if they wanted to do a shirt collab with my back then brand, All Natural KO.  Rob wrote me back and politely said they were too busy.

Back at the expo, we walked up to her and said hi, and asked if she’d take ‘the pledge’ with me.  I explained what ‘the pledge’ was, and proceeded to tell her all about Kamp Konfidence.  I told her how it was a weekend wellness program for teenage girls that taught the 5 habits, principles, and lessons that lead to the development of self love, and that the aim was to show these girls that they/we are born and bred to see each other as competition.  DLB took ‘the pledge’, I put a Kamp Konfidence bracelet on her, we hugged, I asked her if she could give @kampkonfidence a shoutout on her social media, she said yes, we took some pics, and off we went in our separate directions.

A few months went by, and I never saw a post from DLB, but what I did see after someone sent me a post from her, was she launched “Confidence Camps’ at our gym.

I was pretty fucking huffy at the time.  So at that point, I decided I was going to compete in physique and come after her.  That didn’t last Long as a few months into comp prep, she announced her retirement.  Oh well!

November 18th, 2015. Gold Coast, Australia.

GRRRL Clothing was launched.  So no worries mate, I started my own shit with an evolved Mission and Vision.

Fastforward to today, and I see this get posted in our closed GRRRLs group:

 

 

At first, I felt myself get angry.  Because as most of you know, last year we announced our second annual live event, GL18.  Which of course includes Meg Gallagher in the line up.  I sat and thought, “so now you’re gonna jump on the bandwagon and start ‘bringing women together’, are ya?!  How fucking convenient!”

Then of course, I stopped and took a breath.  Because I’m constantly checking in with my thoughts and observing what my self talk is saying, I caught the thoughts, and dismantled them so I could put the anger to bed and remind myself of the truth.  The truth is this:

#NotYourCompetition

At the end of the day, the more women who are out there trying to lift up and unite more women, the better.  This mindset of seeing other Brand’s as competition is old, and reptilian thinking (unless of course someone changes their logo and it happens to look eerily closer to your Brand’s, then it’s time to slam the desk).  It’s a male, ego-based energy that needs to die in the ass.  As Eckart Tolle talks about in his book “A New Earth”, the new world is a place where people collaborate together to both get to the end result, working as a team.  Not coming from a place of scarcity, worry and fear.  There is so much hurt and pain (and fixing that needs doing in the world), that it couldn’t possibly all get touched by one movement alone.

Chances are, DLB had her ‘confidence camps’ planned a year before she’d ever met me, and that her ‘taking My idea’ was purely my ego thinking I’m something or someone special.  And again, chances are she had this planned with Meg a year ago.  It is imperative that we put our ego to bed when we’re women in business.  We’ve got to stand behind ‘Not Your Competition’ through and through.

But I must say in case you see this blog DLB- you do charge a shitload for a tee shirt!  Good on ya mate!

 

 

So what defines success?

I’ll tell you what doesn’t; Achieving your “goals”, making hundreds of dollars an hour, or even finding your purpose.

I’ve done all 3. And yet I still manage to make myself feel miserable every day because it’s “not enough”. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out what it “is” I’m supposed to be doing on this earth. Even with achieving 8 years of continual sobriety and 7.5 off of drugs- Even having a business where I don’t have to report to a superior; I AM the superior- Even being able to travel and not wake up to an alarm clock- Even having created a brand that is actually changing the world and is going to be bigger than Nike in 10 years time- SOMETHING is always not right.

Our clothing isn’t fashionable enough. The website has a problem. I want to be spending more time meditating. I want to meditate period. I want to have a more developed VMO (the teardrop muscle on the inside of your knee). I want to grow faster.

And on and on and on.

The ONLY thing I’ve found in life that makes me feel successful is when I’m in direct service to someone else who is in true need. I’m not talking about in need of an email answered. I’m talking about someone who needs to be heard because they feel alone and like life is not worth living. Someone who can’t stop drinking or doing drugs. Someone who has a teenage girl who is cutting themselves and they don’t know where to turn.
THAT kind of service.

The only challenge with that, is for me that’s difficult to measure.

So the other day I was doing something I hardly do anymore because when you devote every cell in your being to your enterprise- to your WHY, you can easily lose your libido.

While I was in the shower- I realized that even after 7 years, I’m more attracted to my husband than I was when we said our Do’s. I wasn’t thinking about someone else. Or needing to watch other people. I simply closed my eyes and thought about my husband and blew the roof off.

So what is the definition of success?

Is it a certain number hitting your bank account every day? And even then will that truly make you happy?  Will that change and is it ok for that number to change?  Or is success finding your voice and leaving a miserable relationship?  Is it coming out?  Or is it having a child?  Or do you just ‘think’ that’s what success is because society tells you that’s what we’re supposed to be doing as women?

My point is this; Everyone has a different deferent version of success. What’s important is that YOU figure out what that looks like to you. Not society. Not your parents. But YOU.
And by finding out that means DO SOME WORK!  Put pen to paper. Isolate yourself and do some writing. Ask yourself some important questions. Take time. Don’t rush it.

You deserve to connect with your innermost self and find out what that success looks like unattached by what everyone else around you ‘thinks’ it is. Too often we let our heads (thinking) define success and not our hearts (feeling) what success is.

Because I’ll tell you what: That O face sure FELT like success to me. And the O looked like my significant other.

Here’s to many more successful days grrrls!

Comment below what success looks like to you.

 

A lot of our Grrrl Army members probably won’t catch much of this story if you’re outside of Australia, but I’m going to write about it anyway.  In fact, I was going to write a blog about rape culture a week ago, and dropped it on draft because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to write it at the time.

2017 has been one helluva year.  We all thought it was going to be dookie with POTUS Dick Splash stepping into the role for the next 4 years.  I don’t like to talk poltics because it divides us.  But lets face it- anyone who pushes anti-abortion rights and jurisdiction over a women’s body, is not revered in my book.  Yes President Dick Splash has actually done some decent things, and if you’re a bit of a conspiracy theorist like I am, you’d find that all President’s, no matter what side- are merely puppets.  But that is neither here nor there.

2017 has turned out to be ‘not too shabby’.  Sure, it was the MOST stressful year of my life, to BOOT- between finances with the business, launching our first live event, getting diagnosed with Graves’ disease, living in a brand new foreign country, for the third time in less than 3 years… it’s been intense.  But all and all, with what’s transpired with the #MeToo campaign, I can say that this has turned out to be a launching pad for what is about to be OUR FKN YEAR Y’ALL!

We are NOT putting up with anymore shit!

Or are we?

So let’s get to Jarred Hayne.  Jarred is a star Rugby player down in Australia, who was drafted to come play in the USA for the San Francisco 49ers.  According to the last article I read, it sounds like Jarred was a ‘good ol’ Mormon boy’ up until he signed on with the niners.  To which point he started partying and ‘acting a fool’, if you will.

Within the last 24 hours, Jarred has been accused of rape.  Read the excerpt from an article below:

On the Sunday afternoon, the woman, identified only as “Ms V”, attended the 49ers game at Levi’s Stadium.
After the game, she and friends went to a restaurant for a meal and drinks, and then went to a bar.
Santa Clara County Court documents say that one of Hayne’s friends was texting and messaging the woman to find out which bar she was drinking at with her friends.

Hayne and his mates then joined the group and, as the documents say, her friends “had never seen [the young woman] so intoxicated”.
What happened next is what will be contested in the civil suit.
Ms V says in her court documents that in the early hours of Monday, December 21, 2015 “despite having minimal interaction that night [Hayne] took the now heavily intoxicated [woman] back to his home in San Jose via Uber”.
It was in his apartment the alleged incident took place with the woman who says she had never had sexual intercourse previously.

The documents say she felt pain, and the following morning woke up among bloodied sheets.
She then took “an undergarment” because she allegedly felt people would not believe the incident had taken place, and for police to test.
Through his legal representatives, Hayne unequivocally and vehemently denies the allegations.
Five days later, Hayne was again promoted to the 49ers’ 53-man roster after guard Alex Boone suffered a knee injury.

Hayne announced his retirement from the NFL on May 15, 2016, and joined the Fiji sevens team in hopes of playing in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.
In May 2016, the young woman reported the alleged assault to San Jose police.
The District Attorney’s office informed the young woman that “there was not enough evidence to prove the crime of rape beyond a reasonable doubt”.

The thing that makes absolutely zero sense to me, is the part that says “She then took “an undergarment” because she allegedly felt people would not believe the incident had taken place, and for police to test.”  Which would have been somewhere shortly after the incident on December 21, 2015.  But then the article jumps to some bullshit history about what Jarred’s next moves were, then “In May 2016, the young woman reported the alleged assault to San Jose police.”

OK…  Like what the hell happened between January and April?

And when was “Ms V” informed:  “The District Attorney’s office informed the young woman that “there was not enough evidence to prove the crime of rape beyond a reasonable doubt”.?

And as far as the news outlets in Australia?  The tone from officials in the Football leagues:

“Boys will be boys”, and “let justice serve it’s purpose” and “innocent until proven guilty”.. well in America, you’re guilty until proven innocent. So not sure what the fuck happened there.

This is just typical, bullshit club behaviour- basically.

Reminds me of a time many years ago when my Husband was the CEO of the Gold Coast Titans, the team Jarred was last playing for upon his return back from rapeville, USA.  For a brief stint of 4 weeks, I was the assistant strength training coach for the under 20’s until a reporter found some topless photos of me on the internet, and decided to write an “article” framing me as ‘ex porn star’.   The article of course went into the fact that I’d been raped when I was 17, and that I was a reformed drug addict and alcoholic.  But the article turned out to be a massive “scandal” and caused an immense amount of bullying and slander online.

However- the year prior when a New Zealand rugby player married a porn star, the entire country was congratulating him on his ‘success’.  

At the end of the day, Australia needs to take a page out of Hollywoods book and stop glorifying professional athletes as if they’re some sort of Greek mythical God who cannot be touched.

And for any of you grrrls who’ve been down the soul-destroying path of sexual harassment or rape in your past, hopefully this video helps:

https://www.facebook.com/KonfidenceByKortney/videos/1591649067534816/

2018 is our fkn year grrrls!  GET YOUR BATTLE CRY OUT AND READY-

XOMFCEOKO

Have a look below at my highest “liked” (engaging) post on IG to date from my personal account.  It seems like people in general are really ready to embrace the new dawn of strong, powerful females.

 

Because comic books 📚 Back before we launched @grrrl_clothing I was working on a concept. “Ms. Leggy”- Her superpower was making any man fall in love anytime they gazed upon Her anaconda legs. A hard, strong personality like The Rock but an animalistic one when it came time to get down to business. Of course she silenced with her legs. Her job was to infiltrate corrupt monopolies where women were mistreated, seduce the highest ranking officials then 💥 🍉💦💀. Not all is lost – @figlesiase and I will get back to the drawing board eventually. The world needs more media that sits ‘outside the box’ so we can create a new box. One where females aren’t the ones getting raped and assaulted. Movies, books, ads, music videos- all media plays heavily into societal beliefs and what we grow up thinking. Look out homeboy- Ms. Leggy’s coming for ya 🐍🦖 And of course we’ll holler @therealstanlee
Hard to believe but I specifically asked @charleslowthian not to airbrush or photoshop my body when shooting. He’s just that good. And yeaaaaaaaaaa “Leggy” needs heels. She may have the world’s deadliest Thighs but they short like Kevin Hart. Plus the stripper heels turn into daggers 🗡
#comics #fantasy #supershero #killer #concept #legslikekortney #marvel #figure4 #anaconda #comicbooks #comicbook #female #empowerment #womenempowerment

This blog might be the shortest read with the tallest reward you’ve had to boot- As a female entrepreneur, I will always endeavour to bring you tools that have changed my life for the better, and helped me find strength and power in relationships. Not power over someone else, but power over my own reactions and how I conduct myself. Society says that females are “weak and too soft for business”, but I call bullshit. We simply need to teach each other simple tools like the following. Enjoy!  And YES!  Share it!
MFCEO KO

Business Leadership: How to give someone bad news.

Do you have a parent that you need to break up with? Or a Boyfriend you need to kick to the curb? I mean, let down gently… Or how about an employee that needs to step up their game, but you’re not sure how to let them know in a constructive manner?

Grrrls- I present to you, the sandwich method.

The sandwich method was actually taught to me by one of my best life Teachers, my Husband. In fact, it was in the midst of him telling me that I needed to chill the fuck out, and stop stressing on everything because it was driving him nuts. Bless his heart-

Here’s how the conversation rolled:

(Positive)
“Honey- you are such a beautiful soul. You’re so caring and loving towards everyone and everything. I’m not sure you understand how much I admire you for that. I’ve never met someone with as much heart as you. It’s truly a gift.

(Negative)
However, sometimes our greatest gifts can cause us the most misery. You’re tendency to overthink and over stress details of things, and how others might perceive your intention, is having a bit of an effect on my own personal wellbeing. It’s bringing an extra layer of stress that I’m having a hard time coping with.

(Positive)
But I will say I’ll never meet another person on the face of this planet that I’d cope with as much extra shit for, than you. You’re my soulmate, and I would do anything for you. Not ‘damn near anything for you’, but anything for you. Because there is no one on this planet I admire, cherish and adore more than you.”

You see what he did there?

He started with a positive. He fed in the negative. Then he ended on a positive.

When you deliver information in this format, it allows the other person to take it onboard, and then end on a good note. As opposed to sitting someone down, and saying “Look Jane- you fucking suck. I appreciate you trying, but you’ve gotta do something different”… When you start out with a negative, the other party will shut down straight away. So start with a positive. Then slip in the part that needs addressing, fixing, or negative. Then end on a positive so they feel supported and encouraged to do something constructive, and not in a framework of feeling defensive.

I had a beautiful grrrlarmy member message me over IG and ask me how she could break up with a parent, as she remembered reading a blog months back on my personal brand’s website.

I suggested she could start with a letter first, or move into a convo.
I said something along the lines of:
“Start with the positive, put in the negative, end on the positive- so it sounds something like this: I love you because x, y, and z however I’m working on myself and need to surround myself with positive strong women. I feel disrespected with the way you’ve treated me lately. I will always love and appreciate everything you’ve sacrificed for me, and I hope you find happiness because you deserve it.”

Proof is in the love heart emoji. This shit works.

The reason why I wanted to write this, is this is the simple shit we aren’t taught in school. Come to think of it, effective communication is INCREDIBLY challenging, and yet the most rewarding tool to have in your tool belt. This is why I have insisted on doing a powerful, life-changing keynote on this topic at #GL18 April 28th in Las Vegas. The entire value of your ticket will be worth this one keynote alone, as I’m about to change your life and set you free. Buy your goddamn ticket here if you haven’t already! You deserve it!

Normally I applaud people for going against the grain and calling it how it is. But this, however- is NOT calling on anything but absolute shite. The Mommy Activist isn’t that foolish to produce something so outlandish- she knows people like myself are going to share and help her get exposure. But at this precise moment I’m too upset to not share my thoughts.

https://www.facebook.com/theactivistmommy/videos/1491494530968691/

She’s claiming that women who’ve participated in #MeToo, and have shared their story of being “a victim”, are in fact NOT a victim and that we (because I was in the MeToo camp before it was a ‘thing’ or a ‘trend’ as she calls it) should have known that our bosses didn’t want us up in their hotel room to discuss giving us a raise.

Let me break it down for you “Mommy”-

At 17 years old- and being clean off meth for 3 Days (despite being the ASB President at a Catholic High School, in a Christian rock band and bound for Stanford… although I knew to “Just say no” to drugs, like my Mommy told me- it didn’t work out that way), I was a lost messy soul. As recommended by my school counselor, I attended a boxing class to meet my new boxing coach to help mentor me and stay off meth.  After all, the root of my wanting to use was because I felt fat, so boxing was a good solution.  Or was it?

Despite the fact my mother taught me “all of the things she teaches her 6 daughters”, I still didn’t know where to draw the line, and at 17 years old let a 72 year old man lure me into his home because I was going to be his “last world champion before he retired”. (I Guess that’s me getting lured into his hotel room to talk about my raise)

Shortly after arriving, he drugged me and I woke up with him inside of me. For the next 10 years I sucked myself down into a world of pain and misery because I believed it to be my fault. I must of lead him on.

This woman claims that those of us in the MeToo camp are prostitutes and not victims.

The most prominent story that comes to my mind is Monica Lewinsky. Imagine being an intern, an impressionable, young woman with the President of the United States showing you attention and interest. Until you’re in that position, and get “sucked” in too close to the fire to be able to use your voice and say no- you couldn’t possibly understand.

The answer isn’t making more women feel like Absolute shit for not knowing the right tools– and in fact I can’t think of a more unhelpful piece of media in my 36 years on this planet.

I am proud of my past. I WAS a victim. But I am NOW a victor and use my experience as strength to help other young girls become grrrls and avoid situations like I’d gotten myself into.

Keep showing up and telling your story and be PROUD of wherever you are in your journey. And remember- “No one has the authority to make you feel inferior without your consent” -E Roosevelt