Krista Bednarz for GRRRL

‘Find a man who treats you like a queen.’ – A statement girls everywhere out there tell their girlfriends, and their girlfriends tell them… But what happens when a guy your seeing just CAN’T?

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Meeting (or, to be more specific, catching feelings for) my guy, C, was one of the most unexpected things to happen when I swapped locations for my job. At the start, he was NOT what I would usually go for, actually the complete opposite to my ‘type’ but I felt the vibe and just went for it. However, knowing nothing about him, we agreed to the ‘friends with benefits’ thing… Even though (being a woman AND and empath) the vibe and chemistry I was feelin’ was likely to turn into THE FEELS. Which, of course, they did…. Before we had even started being friends with benefits.

Now, I straight out told him I was feeling it, and I said to him ‘there’s not a doubt in my mind that you don’t feel the same way too’. This conversation sparked one of the 500 conversations of ‘THE TALK’ we’ve had so far (it’s only been like 3 months? But that’s just me!!) where he initially told me ‘nope no way never going to happen’. But I stuck to my guns and persevered through it all and just stood back and waited, all while the regular insecurities set in AND he left his job at DJ’s where we both worked. Spark MAJOR insecurity and anxiety and abandonment issues (ha!) So fast forward a month and we’re hanging out and talking more than we did when we worked together: phone calls to one another 3 times a day minimum, shit talking, advice giving, crying and stressing over silly shit (me) and catching up to do poor people things since we are both so broke right now.

ANYWAY, back to the queen treating. I’ve written before about knowing that a man likes you by how much effort they put in- this STILL stands! But, don’t get me wrong, everyone is different. Also, sometimes clingy men are REALLY fkn annoying! My guy is still fresh-ish out of a long term relationship, which involved a young child… And a partner who hurt the poor muffin. Now, I know there are two sides to every story, but from my end and my understanding, the last relationship DEFINITELY impacts on any future partnerships… Especially in the early days of being single. (It also explains the slow pace of this ‘relationship’ haha!) I wasn’t expecting myself to get feelings for C at all… Let alone want him to be my boyfriend (which I’ve vowed to wait around for while he gets his own stuff together). Some may say I’m stupid. Even sometimes I think I’m stupid myself for waiting around for a guy…. A guy who sometimes distances himself. A guy who admits to insecurity. A guy who is no good with romance or affection. A guy who has 2 children. But so be it.

Everyone is different. Sometimes, when a man puts all he has into a relationship- all of his heart and soul, thinking ‘this is the one’, only to be told ‘I love you, but I am not IN LOVE with you anymore’ – the way he approaches a ‘next’ relationships is surely going to be a lot different than the way he approached the first one. He is going to be sitting there thinking ‘if I put all of my love and effort, heart and soul into a relationship the first time around and ended up putting my life into 2 suitcases and being crushed with that reality… Then fuck that!’ And I get it. I fucking get it. His whole definition of the word ‘girlfriend’ is changed. Tainted. Damaged. Ruined. So, it is only natural to back off a little when another girl is chasing you and wants to be your girlfriend. Fact, he won’t be out there treating you like a queen just yet. You, my dear, have to be the one to treat him like a king. Because as I said before, EVERYONE is different. Sometimes, our partner or potential partner speaks a different LOVE LANGUAGE to us. And that’s ok!

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By ‘love language’ I mean the way we express love. Some say it, some express it through affection or other gestures… Like ‘treating a woman like a queen.’
But sometimes, when you see something in someone you have never seen in someone else, and you have basically everyone in your life begging you to give the fuck up on your guy but you still continue to wait because you know it will be good when you get there, you take the mini wins. Like him answering the phone when he’s with the kids to talk for 5 minutes… Or him just calling to ask how your day is… Or him just holding your hand while walking around the lake when you know he hates hand holding, or him opening up little by little, or him expressing that he trusts you… Those mini wins are my favourite.

It’s important to redefine the ‘girlfriend’ label to guys who have been hurt, and who’s trust has been damaged. And to be honest, I can’t wait to show C just how different I am and how different I can be, to completely turn the ‘girlfriend’ label on its head and create only a positive experience for him…. Stay tuned beautiful! X

 

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