Oh my GOD!

I wish you could see me typing this blog right now.  I’m literally on all 4’s with my ass up in the air.  I have the WORST stomach pains at the moment, and cannot for the life of me figure out why.  OK- so now that I’ve set the scene up for ya, let me explain the “harsh realisation”…

As most of you know, I’m 34.  I can hardly be bothered putting on makeup but maybe, once… possibly, twice a year.  In fact, just last month I sold my entire makeup collection that I’ve been adding to since early 2000’s.  I had close to 40 mac eye shadows!  Most of them used maybe 3-4 times.  This wasn’t because I had a shopping problem by the way-  I’d usually get my makeup done at a mac counter before a photoshoot.  When doing so, you have to buy a certain amount of product.  Anyway….

Earlier this morning I was putting on makeup to get ready for a product shoot for GRRRL Clothing.  In case you’ve been under a rock for the past 6 months, I’m the MFCEO-  and I decided that we weren’t using any goddamn photoshop on our models.  ZERO!

As I was brushing something on my face (can’t remember if it was eye shadow or foundation), it suddenly dawned on me that I looked fucking old today!  Since I hardly look in the mirror at my face (I usually only look at my body and what muscles are visible!), I was surprised to feel this way about myself.  Then after a few seconds, it dawned on me that I could recall feeling this way about myself since I was in my early 20’s!!!!!  I remembered back at a handful of times where I distinctly felt like my face was no longer this beautiful pallet (hope I spelled that shit right, and didn’t spell ‘pallet’ like a pallet of hay! hahahahaha!) of one colour.  I’d see broken blood vessels on my cheeks from smashing my face into the mats doing BJJ.  Or other times I’d notice brown spots from the sun and birth control.  Or feeling like I had ‘crows feet’ around my eyes.

But today, I could see heaps of different marks on my face, and thought, “fuck! I thought this shit was bad 10 years ago!  I can’t believe it!”.  Then I had the harsh realisation that it is so disheartening to think that such a young person could think they weren’t enough.  That she was ‘too old’ ‘too wrinkled’ ‘too spotty’, too whatever……

To be frank, I didn’t really give a rats ass that I looked old today.  I had to question if that was because I’ve found my soul mate.  I’m married to a man who wakes up after 5 years, and will still get tears in his eyes over “my breathtaking beauty” (yeah then that shit goes out the window as soon as I smile and rip ass! hahahahahaha!!!!! )((this is why you can NEVER compare your life to someone else’s on social media!  might look amazing from the outside looking in, but you can’t smell anything in cyber space, can ya?!))

Then I had a little wonder about all the other women out there who haven’t found a partner who happens to be their best friend, and lover- and who shows unconditional love each and every day of their life towards the other.  I had to wonder how she copes with these feelings of “getting old”.

It’s just amazing to me how programmed and conditioned we all are as human beings.  Well, most of us in western, first world societies I suppose.

This is why we created GRRRL.  This movement was created to celebrate the fact that ALL females are beautiful regardless of size and looks.  There is nothing “perfectly imperfect” about fucking any of us.  It’s called “real life”- and not these false, air-brushed, fake ass images we’ve been brainwashed with since conception.  If women weren’t so busy worrying about how they looked, we’d be busy bonding and not seeing each other as competition.  Then we could get on with improving the state of the planet-

If people truly understood how much power all forms of media and advertising had on the subconscious mind, I believe we’d have a much more liberated world.

Everybody is waiting for somebody else to go first.  And going first can be difficult sometimes.  Seeing yourself and putting yourself out there, as you are- can be risky.  But you know what?  I’d rather be a risk taker than a drone amongst a pack of drones, following a crowd of drones.


This, was a shit blog.  As soon as I get over to my new country next week and settled, (oh wait)… I get settled then head back to Merica!  Ok, as soon as I get moved, take my trip over to Merica, THEN get back and get settled, I assure you I’ll have my blog roll back in full force.


The post Harsh Realisation appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.


Good Day GRRRLs!

I have a lot to say in response to this recent article:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3459560/Ashy-Bines-compares-Tess-Holliday-model-Instagram-post.html

And here it is:
(it’s quite long. sorry/not sorry in advance)


That’s it.

As women, we’re bred to judge other women.  Men, are bred to judge other women.  But how often do we see MEN judging MEN about their looks and body image in public forums/social media? FUCKING NEVER!

So I say to you, our GRRRLARMY- lets start the stop.

Judge our own shit.
Because I’ll tell you what…. whoever hopped on the bandwagon of judgement without first knowing that Ana Carolina Reston passed away from anorexia some years ago, will feel like a complete bag of dicks.

That is all.


Hello Friends!

This June/July 2016 I will be attempting to swim the lower 120 miles of the Hudson River! This summer is the 6th annual N.Y.O.W 8 Bridges Hudson River Swim. It is the longest marathon swim in the world. It is a bridge to bridge swim with an average distance of 17.2 miles per day, over 7 consecutive days. For you geography/bridge buffs, it includes: Rip Van Winkle | Kingston-Rhinecliff | Mid-Hudson | Newburgh-Beacon | Bear Mountain | Tappan Zee | George Washington | Verrazano Narrows Bridges. The Hudson River has played a fundamental role in the rich history of our great nation, and during the swim I will be passing iconic sights such as: West Point, Manhattan Island, and The Statue of Liberty (huge motivation)!

The 8 Bridges Swim promotes the health and enjoyment of the Hudson River. Swimmers can sign up to swim as many days as they want… or they can attempt “The Odyssey,” all 7 stages over 7 days. This swim is a new challenge for me, and one where the recovery training is just as important as the swimming training itself.

After swimming the English Channel in 2014, my dear parents, brother and I needed to have a year to recharge, organize, and graduate from our respective colleges (Cam from University of Washington, and for me, Smith College), before deciding on a new swimming challenge. After much consideration and planning, this summer provides the best opportunity to do a big swim.

I have been training for the past few months, and am proud to be sponsored by  GRRRLVOMAXVermont Peanut Butter Co.BRL Sports Nutrition.

I will keep this blog alive (even though its still called theenglishchannelgrind.wordpress.com) and continue to give updates and answer questions! Thank you so much for all the support, and I look forward to taking you along on this journey!

Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 4.17.55 PM

IMG_4169Hudson River via The Bear Mountain Bridge near The Hastings Center (where I did my bioethics  fellowship late 2015!)



Keeping alive the Seven Sisters tradition (started by Emma Reim and Mackenzie Bradley from Smith College and continued by Ika Kovacikova from Wellesley, all whom I consider my Channel godmothers) is to write a brief synopsis of the swim. Enjoy!

If there is one thing that I have learned these past 12 days it is that even the best, most well trained and prepared swimmer can never be 100% ready for what the channel has in store for them. There is a reason that only 1 out of every 10 individuals who attempt the crossing make it. You are not only fighting the obvious: winds, waves, and fickle weather, but also hypothermia (a big risk for me due to sheer size), jellyfish stings, swelling/burning of the lips and throat due to salt water, chaffing, exhaustion, sea sickness, mental thoughts and the cruel illusion that is the French coast  (visible at the halfway mark, only to appear the same distance way for 6 hours, no matter how hard you feel you are swimming).

But this challenge is much more than the swim itself, it is the mental tax of waiting day after day for weather that will cooperate for 12-16 hours. Bad weather, not good, is the norm in Dover. The decision is solely the captains. You live in 12-hour windows. No matter where you are you can get called and told you must be ready because you will be swimming the next night or day, which means you could swim the entire course in the dark if that’s all the weather provides you with.  We (my dedicated family, coach and support swimmer) experienced this at its finest with 2-3 false starts. My official window was August 17-24, we arrived on the 12th, and the very last day of my window I finally got my chance. As the swimmer, I knew what my job entailed, but I can only imagine what my coach and parents had to go through…. Simply grueling.

Once we arrived to the dock in the morning I met my boat captain for the first time. Captain Oram was as I had expected: hardcore, opinionated and ready to do whatever it takes to make the crossing successful. My former Smith Swimming captain Emma Reim had also had Mike, and told me that”he is the best for a reason, you may not want to hear what he has to say at times, but know that your success is his success”. Thanks Emma 😉

Jumping out of the boat and swimming to Shakespeare beach (for the official start) was very surreal. Four years in the works and it was finally my time. While standing there and waiting for the captain to sound the alarm indicating the start of my journey between two countries, my heart was pounding, those are the moments you live for.

The first mile I was burning off total adrenaline. The channel has the reputation of giving you the early rounds, knowing that you’ll tire later in the match. There is absolutely no gimme here. My strategy was to take the swim in pieces rather than any thoughts of the entirety: swimming from the beach to the first shipping lane- 6miles, swimming through the first shipping lane-4 miles, through the transitional lane-1.5 miles, through the second shipping lane- 6miles, and finally to the French shore- 5miles. The English Channel shipping lanes are the busiest in the world. You have to contend with the supertanker and cargo liner’s enormous displacement of ocean and wake. This was every 25-30min.  Captain Oram remained in constant communication with all vessels as well as the British and French coast guards.

My swim position was always on the wind-less side of the boat. Captain Oram did his best to keep both heavy wake and wind from affecting my forward progression. This was not possible at all times and I had to get used to the high swells at 3-4 meters, created by the passing ships wake.

The transitional zone between the Channels shipping lanes is known as “jelly fish alley.” Up until that point I thought I had maybe dodged this well-known nuisance. Then, the stings began. Their greeting was a light reminder, then followed by more potent assault on any exposed skin- face, chest, hands, legs.  I counted a total of 48 seen, from the size of a baseball to a basketball. Because there is no shipping traffic, the jellies flourish here. I picked up the pace, as I was cattle-prodded through.

Into the second shipping lane (about hour 5-6) I found it more difficult to hold down my liquid nutrition on the 30-minute by 30-second feeding intervals, due to the roll and tumble of the waves. Seasickness had taken its grip. My hope was that I would be digesting whatever I could to prevent a dreaded “bonk” due to insufficient caloric intake. I was so nasceous. The liquid designed for me was a combination of high carbohydrate, some protein and some caffeine. Most importantly, the solution needed to be at a stomach osmolarity of 30 or less which allows for quick absorption. Occasionally I would try to devour and digest a Twix or Mars bar due to the high caloric value of both. The Brit’s seem to favor Mars bars.

I don’t recall ever doubting my ability to finish the swim, however the tides, water temperature, winds and physical capacity would determine that fate. I just needed to move forward trying to remain in a thought process of success. Communicating with my support crew became more vital as the hours went by. Human connection and positivity were so key into the later rounds of this challenge, and that was my support crew’s specialty. Coach Bierwert definitely gets the best supporting role as he stood dutifully along the boats rail for the full 12 hours and 55 minutes I swam (the channel official said, “how can one go so long without using the restroom?”). He was incredible.

At hour ten, the sun began to set as I felt whatever warmth it provided begin to dissipate- it was like the channels last chance to break me, the dreaded hypothermia challenge. There was no denying it; I was beginning to get cold. I was well aware of Susan Taylor’s 2013 Channel attempt and resultant death at this very point in her swim, hallmarked by initially by her decreasing stroke rate, and eventual collapse in the water resulting in her death. I fought those thoughts back as much as I could. My dad and I talked about how this may feel, as the body goes into a survival mode; blood drains away from the extremities and the brain, you become incoherent, confused and then motor weakness to loss. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t frightened at this point. The support team continued to raise the temperature of my drinks, but the effect was short lived.  I did not want an astute observer or Captain Oram to suspect a chance of hypothermia and stop my attempt, which by right they could and will do at anytime. At this point in the swim, the challenge is all above the shoulders. I told myself that I just needed to pound this out and reached for the last bit of energy I had, “not much longer, not much further, I am strong and I can do this.”  I remembered the repetitions of positive affirmations one of my Channel godmothers, Ika Kovacikova had done at this point. It picked me up in a way that was indescribable.

At hour 11 my support swimmer Mackenzie Bradley (Smith College ’13) was called in to swim alongside, but never ahead of me (your support swimmer is crucial at a time like this). The rules are very specific, she is not allowed to lead the way, so she remained two feet behind but still making eye contact. Mackenzie deserves a badge of honor for not only entering the dangerous waters of the Channel again, but for also being a constant source of positivity throughout. I will be eternally grateful for her generosity and dedication. From his cockpit, Captain Oram began to snap the whip, I knew I was closing in on Wissiant beach, further south than Calais, France, due to the end of a Neap tide raising its ugly head once again- thus the serpentine swim pattern typical of a crossing. Captain Oram knew that picking up the pace would allow a soft sand finish, but any longer could cause me to drift further south onto the large, sharp rocks of Cap Gris Nez, France. With a voice that could be heard all the way back to Dover, Captain Oram yelled, “1800 yards, get your a** in gear.” I knew I was on the homestretch when the boat stopped moving forward, as that is as far in as they can go without striking bottom.

Like an opponent accepting defeat, the beach waves of Wissiant pushed from behind at the last 50 yards as I felt my knees strike sand. I stumbled to my feet and cleared the water, onto dry beach, turned and faced the boat and signaled with both arms up that my bout with the channel was over. I was emotionally and physically exhausted as the boat blew the triumphant horn, done for only successful crossings. As I looked back at the boat, I could see the silhouettes of my coach, my family, my observer and the boat captain with their arms waving. This swim was truly one part Paige; three parts the support of my team. The flurry of thoughts and feelings were just overwhelming as I stood there is France realizing I had beaten the Channel. I was one of less than 350 women who have actually done this,…. No WE did this.

I promise this will be one of the FEW food posts I write on here! I hate food blogs as I am NOT a foodie at all! I just NEEEEED to clear up some thangsssss! 


Since my weight loss comparison pic, I’ve had an influx of people messaging me, asking about my food and recipes (happy to share some of the recipe’s I used to use!!) all my food is carefully monitored (in phases) by coach Stephanie Parsons. To be honest, there are no ‘recipes’ per se, my food comes to me in a rigid plan (just the way I like it) and I follow it, simples. This is a day of food for me (during phase 1) Roughly 1780 calories. Steak, kangaroo, chicken and vegetables. And yes, that is BUTTER, not cheese.

I have dabbled with so many different methods of food and I think it’s great to keep the body guessing! I’ve most recently used IIFYM (if it fits your macros) and as much as I love this method and the notion of being able to eat ‘what I want’ so long as it fits my macros (protein carbs and fats), underlying binge eating issues were rising for me. I just can’t have ice cream or chocolate in my house. Even if I’m weighing it out to precision, I still know it’s there In The freezer… Give me a stressful situation and I’ve eaten that entire bar of chocolate or tub of ice cream in 15 mins without even realising. So until I fix my food issues, I’m not going to go back to IIFYM. I prefer a cleaner alternative with what I’m eating laid out for me daily, however, everybody is different. What I’m eating may not suit the next person. My BMR is different to everyone else’s and unfortunately I’m not yet qualified to write anyone a plan or tell you which option would be best for you… But as I said before I’m happy to share older recipes that are clean and delicious if you are looking to swap to a more cleaner way of eating 🙂
Clean foods make my body feel lighter and, well, ‘cleaner’. Much like when you put premium petrol in your car you can feel the difference, when you eat cleaner food you feel the difference. Mentally and physically. My energy levels are UP, those 3PM crashes are over and my metabolism seems to be on fire.
Also, yes meal prepping is a bitch. It bores me, takes up space in my kitchen and I’m so OCD about shit on the bench, and there’s plenty I could be doing with my time rather than sweating my hole out cooking steak and steaming broccoli, BELIEVE ME! But then again I know I am prepared for the coming few days and it makes it worth it. Please don’t use the excuse of not having time, I’m usually up to midnight meal prepping because I generally work 9-7 5 days a week, plus school 2 nights a week and all day Saturday. If you want something that bad, no excuse will be strong enough. Stay up that hour later, wake up that hour earlier, meal prep when your baby is sleeping during the day. Skip drinks with the girls (or boys) and get it done. Be stronger than your excuses 💜💜

do you really need to ask how I feel about ‘Valentine’s day’ ? It’s a money making ‘hallmark holiday’ that we have been conditioned to believe is the ONE DAY we SHOULD show over the top love for someone special…. Why are we not showing that kind of love DAILY?…


Anyhow, since this is MY blog, I am going to share a lil conundrum I am having at the moment, and I called upon my lil special Mentor today to help pep talk me out of the negative headspace I was in. Soooo.. There’s this guy (isn’t there ALWAYS?!) whom I’ve become quite attached to, the sexual tension is there, it’s great, we get along like a house on fire, I told him I liked him, he (sort of) says it back blah blah . Anyway, there seems to be all these excuses; some valid, some seem a bit ‘cop out’ style and some just hardly make sense to me… But for the past few weeks I have felt like he’s pulled away a little, so we have the conversation and he fully whips out the ‘no relationship’ ‘no strings attached’ deal, which I FULLY admit, at the start, worked for me too, but as I got to know him, my feelings grew (typical female, eh?!) .However, he doesn’t want anything serious, so, I wondered to myself ‘what could possibly be wrong with ME?!’ And I’ve been doing these epic head miles for about 2 weeks now, fully convincing myself that I am not good enough. Telling myself ‘I need to change allllll these things about myself  to make him like  me’.


Krista, Krista, KRISTA! What?! Listen to yourself speak, woman! Why are you letting the woman you built yourself up to be, question herself? Better yet, why are you allowing a MAN to let you question yourself?! So, I realised, the more insecure I got, the more clingy I got, and the more he ultimately kept putting space between us. The way Kortney explained it to me, was that I was striking him with lightening. Wanting something so damn badly, and manifesting it so powerfully, you add a bit too much snap, crackle and pop and you end up smothering the shit out of them and keeping them away with demmmm powerful lightening strikes.. Like the most annoying person to ever walk the planet who keeps messaging you and you just stop replying because they WONT. GET. THE .POINT? Yeah, that’s how bad my lightening was getting… Cool the fuck off!


However, one massive thing I am learning here is not just that ‘I am indeed good enough for him, I am actually OVERQUALIFIED for him’ but just to love myself and to become secure with who I am and exactly what I want. Because, to be honest I don’t know what I want? I’m 23, I’m a baby! I’m studying, working full time, training, prepping to play football, spending time with family and friends and just getting to know myself. Without saying too much about this fella, he doesn’t really fit in there. To be honest, I think I just wanted sex and someone to cuddle me afterwards? Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen.


The big lesson here is to just learn to love me. To Love Krista fucking Bednarz. To become so secure with myself and what I want, that it won’t matter to me if the person I like isn’t interested or doesn’t want to be with me or what-have-you. I won’t need to chase. To put my energy into finding myself and not chasing after a crystal when I KNOW I deserve a diamond. I read this the other day; ‘don’t remove jewels from your crown of it gets to heavy for your man to carry. You don’t need a smaller crown, you need a man with bigger hands.’ ain’t that the truth?!


The past 2 years I have learned to love my own company 💜 it’s fabulous. I was my own Valentine this year and it was amazing! However, developing yourself as a person and truly finding out what makes you ‘tick’, what you’re really into, likes, dislikes, sexual preference, and indeed sorting out some very old skeletons in your metaphorical closet that make you so uncomfortable to even think about… That’s where the real power is. Having developed yourself into this amazing person who is unbreakable, and has a shit-tonne of bounce back-ability!

Today, I read someone’s status that said ‘I found the love of my life when I stopped trying to fix others and fixed myself instead’. Read above. Fixing yourself, and finding who you truly are is the best thing you can do. I’m a massive empath, It’s a trait of mine to always go after ‘broken’ people in the hopes of being able to CHANGE them, or help them in some way, ultimately giving all of who I am… And in the end I ‘fail’ because (let’s be honest) people can and will only change when it comes from THEM. They will only be ‘fixed’ when they decide they want to be fixed.. Interesting thought, isn’t it??


Another thing I would love to add about being insecure about yourself and being in a relationship is… It ALWAYS shows up. It ALWAYS brings the drama. It ALWAYS causes fights. Later on, I will touch more on the subject of self love BEFORE a relationship, but for now, I will say this; THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER BE ABLE TO ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE IS IF YOU FORST LOVE YOURSELF. Cliche bullshit? Sounds like it… But the truth? 100 fucking percent. I bet anyone who is in an insecure relationship right now is stressing out that your partner just liked something on Instagram that offends you (ie: liking another girl’s picture)  when you should be saying ‘he likes me every day- why does one picture matter?’ Believe me, I’ve been there 😉

Anyway, my little rant is over, I’m tired and need to meditate. #sorrynotsorry for all the little pics that depict my situation. Anyone else just save them up and display when the time feels right? HAHA! I’ll leave with just ONE more… image





I suppose just reading the title of this blog could have pissed a few of you off.  Why I hate Valentines Day, is the same as to why I hate every Hallmark holiday.  Let me break it down for ya real quick like-

The man in this photo here, as I’m sure you guessed, is my soul mate.  He also happens to be one of the most creative, talented marketing professionals in the world.  One day early on in our relationship, we were having a conversation around the power of the media.  We somehow got onto the topic of Christmas.  It was from that conversation he taught me a little history surrounding “Father Christmas”.

I knew I’d seen images of Santa wearing a red suit with GREEN trim, somewhere before in my childhood past.  But could only visualise Santa with a red suit and WHITE trim.  So what’s the go?  Well, coke-a-cola back in the day, decided to take over Christmas, and changed Santa’s get-up to red and white, to resemble their brand colours.

I’m not sure at what age I started to frown upon holidays, but it certainly was a while ago.  I feel like it’s sad that we need a designated day to take time out to tell someone, or show someone how much they mean to you.

I also dislike holidays because it is such a screwed up construct for people to mentally feel like they are alone in the world.  It heightens feelings of depression beyond the stratosphere.

Ah, look- I’ve ran out of time to write more on the topic, but if you are alone today, PRAISE AMEN AND REJOICE BITCHES!  YOU GET TO SPEND TIME WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, Y O U !!!!!!!!!!

In my experience, once I stopped looking for someone to fix, and decided to completely focus on fixing MY shit- the man of MY DREAMS fell into my lap.  Well, technically he stepped on my foot in a coffee shop in Melbourne, but you must be picking up what I’m laying down.

<3 and if no one has told you today, I love you.

The post Why I Hate Valentines Day appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

The woman who crushes watermelons with her THIGHS… and jokes her fearsome strength scared off pro-rape creep ‘Roosh the Douche’ from Australia

  • Fitness guru Kortney Olson crushed a watermelon with her thighs
  • The Gold Coast crushed the fruit in a five second Facebook video
  • She took aim at ‘pro-rape’ blogger Daryush ‘Roosh’ Valizadeh
  • ‘He saw my watermelon video and cancelled plans,’ she said
  • The video has had more than 5,700,000 views on Facebook


PUBLISHED: 16:53 EST, 10 February 2016 | UPDATED: 18:46 EST, 10 February 2016



View comments

She was Australia’s first female arm wrestling champion, but Kortney Olson’s strength extends beyond her bulging biceps.

The Gold Coast fitness guru has shared a video of herself crushing a whole watermelon with her bare thighs in an incredible show of strength.

She posted the video alongside the hashtags #YourHeadHereHomeboy and #RooshTheDouche in an apparent attempt to scare ‘pro-rape’ blogger Daryush ‘Roosh’ Valizadeh who planned to visit Australia.

When ‘Roosh the Douche’ abandoned his trip, she wrote: ‘he saw my watermelon video and cancelled plans’

Kortney crushes a whole watermelon with her THIGHS
Show of strength: Kortney Olson posted a video to Facebook of herself crushing a whole watermelon with her thighs

Show of strength: Kortney Olson posted a video to Facebook of herself crushing a whole watermelon with her thighs

'Quads of the Gods': The fitness guru was able to turn the fruit in to juice in just five seconds

‘Quads of the Gods’: The fitness guru was able to turn the fruit in to juice in just five seconds

#RooshTheDouche: She said her watermelon video is what prompted 'pro-rape' blogger Daryush 'Roosh' Valizadeh to cancel his plans to visit Australia

#RooshTheDouche: She said her watermelon video is what prompted ‘pro-rape’ blogger Daryush ‘Roosh’ Valizadeh to cancel his plans to visit Australia

Kortney posted the video to her Facebook page on February 5 and it has gone on to be viewed more than 5,700,000 times.

She captioned the video with a watermelon emoji and a series of hashtags.

‘#watermelonGRRRL #legs #likeAgrrrl #watermelonthighsqueeze #quadsofthegods #legsfordays #yourheadherehomeboy #rooshthedouche #returnofthequeens #LDB #legdaybitch,’ she wrote.

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So what are my Afterthoughts And Aftermath Of Competing?

Well, pull up a piece of carpet and I’ll tell ya….

You may recall from one of my last blogs on the topic, that I was deemed “too big” for the IFBB Physique category.  I had a little rant about it there.  I also had a little rant about competing a month or so prior as well, and had decided that competing was a ‘good thing’ after weighing up the pros and cons.  But- history would prove that I’ve gone and done it again: I’ve changed my mind.  FULL STOP.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you’d know that I’d decided to try my hand at the “physique” category in the IFBB federation.  Back when I started competing in 2009, that category wasn’t a thing.  However, toward my last show, it started to emerge.  But it was too late for me at that point.  I’d already had enough with body building, since I couldn’t compete with the non-tested girls, and I found the tested federations were ran like a bunch of ass clowns.

Anyway-  I dieted and trained with 110% intensity and commitment for 8 months.  Then, November 28th, competed in Australia’s first ‘olympia’ and was shocked to discover that I was “too muscular”.  November 30th, I stepped on a plane, and flew back home to California to organise and execute the launch of our newly released clothing line, www.grrrl.com alongside our epic sponsored athlete, Holly Holm (yeah…. pretty unreal.  Have a listen to an interview here http://smallbusinessbigmarketing.com/holly-holm-sponsorship/ ).  Once touching down in Los Angeles, we basically got wind that operations in the US were not going so well.  In fact, they weren’t going AT ALL.  It’s a long story, but needless to say, when you’ve been trading for nearly 2 weeks and a single item hadn’t been shipped, it’s not really a time of optimism.

All I can say is, I will forever have my family’s back.

OK- so from December 1-11th, was one of the most stressful times of my life.  Add in the holiday’s, traveling with working from 7am – 1am in the morning, consecutive days in a row, and not training, I picked up a new habit of eating, and eating whatever I damn well pleased.  Usually, it takes me 4 days to start a new habit.  So by time we landed back in Australia December 13th, I was well and true into my “new habit”.

For the first time in my life, I truly lived the silly season.  Because I’d dieted so hard, and for so long, I ate pretty much every food I’ve denied myself since I was 15.  Then again, it wasn’t like I denied myself, I just didn’t have an interest in shit food because I never ate it.  Therefor never craved it, never missed it.

So on top of slowly putting weight back on (and wouldn’t you know, I gave away a ton of clothes that I’d “never wear again” because I felt like I’d be 10 kilos lighter for the rest of my life), and not having much motivation to train anymore, I also didn’t take into account that I’d abruptly stopped taking oestrogen blockers the day after my show.  #notsmart  I’d done a fair bit of research, and knew that it was best to tapper off of the stuff, but didn’t really have a choice in seeing that I was traveling internationally the day after my show.

This was also the first time I’d taken them, and have had no previous experience in the rebound from it.  I read about it from several sources, that no matter what, all women rebound hard from taking them, but that didn’t really sink in.  So here I was at the end of January, at the heaviest I’ve ever been, and wanting to blow my head off.

Females in particular, are brought up in a society (in western culture) where our worth is determined by the shape of our body.  If we don’t immolate what is presented in mainstream media and advertising, we grow up thinking something is wrong with us.  If we don’t conform to society’s standard of ‘what the fuck’ beauty is, we’re “weird”, “gross” or “need help”.  Think back to when civilised society started taking shape… it was seen as a sign of wealth and prosperity if you were overweight.  It was sought after in women…. (this blog isn’t about that- I digress…)

Psychologically speaking, competing is a mental mind fuck.  But come to find out, the aftermath is WAY more of a mind fuck that the actual preparation.  It’s funny, because previously in my experience, I never had “post blues” because I wasn’t taking anything, and wasn’t so militant with my food (hence why I never “won” lol!).  I’ve always had great mass in my legs (duh), but never really focused as much as I had for this last round of shows.

But now that I’ve gone through the ‘post blues’, I’d have to say competing is DEF something you need to have a coach for to take you out the other side.  If you plan on competing, do NOT go all the way through with a show, then stop working with your coach.  Your “de-prep” is just as important as your prep, maybe even more important.

Personally, I’m finally able to close the door on it.  I always toyed around with the idea of physique, did it- and can now say “fuck that shit!”.  I belong on a mat or a table, where things are black and white.  I dislike being judged by someone who looks like they haven’t stepped foot in the gym themselves in years, and happen to be coaching and/or fucking my competitors.

Oh, and I might end on I’m still craving brown rice.  All day, every day.  Like I want to bathe in it.



The post Afterthoughts And Aftermath Of Competing appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

Never allow the opposite sex (or your ‘love interest’ whether you be straight, gay or bi-sexual) determine your self worth. Please, just don’t. 


First of all, anyone making shitty, cop out excuses is never worth your:  time, energy or tears (especially when, as a woman, I pay $58 for a mascara.) stop giving away your power, doll!

Know YOUR personal worth and stand up for what you believe in. Have high standards and never settle for anything less… Even if your ‘potential’ is a totally babe but they are presenting red flags, yet you believe “but he/she looks exactly how I want my partner to look!!” DO NOT fall into that trap.

You are literally worth so much more than to settle for someone’s looks; it is very important to realise that beauty will fade with time, but nothing will ever crush a beautiful heart, mind and soul… And I’m sorry, but integrity shits all over superficial shit and sweet nothings. PLEASE remember that.


🏃🏽ANY person in life who makes you feel intentionally jealous is not worth having. 🏃🏽ANY love interest you may have (who admits it’s ‘mutual’) should never be making you ask questions about where you actually stand. Just know that if someone truly has feelings for you, they will make like Beyoncé and ‘put a ring on it’ (OK, Metaphorically because it’s weird if they’re proposing in the early dayzzz. That’s a red flag, stay away from that!) However, they will make it VERY known to you that they do like you. They’ll make that time and effort in the early stages. They put in the work. Driving or getting transport out to you is not an issue at all. For instance, this guy I like…. He will happily drove 45 mins out of his way for a ‘fuck buddy’ but won’t bother with a (probably equal amount of time) trip to come see me just to hang. 🙅🏽 THAT’S a red flag. And it says more about him than he knows. Actions speak louder than words… This is alllllll the truth and whoever once told me actions spoke louder than words, and I dismissed it- I am so sorry! You were right!



I just want to make it known to you, Incase nobody has reassured you… You are an absolute King/queen and you deserve that attention and affection that you believe you do. None of that shit should be half assed. AND IF IT IS????  SWERVE! Dump that and go on a quest to find someone who actually appreciates YOU and all that you do and are (and has better grammar and punctuation skills, HA!)! Or better yet, just do you. Love yourself and let that self love radiate to the world and show others how you SHOULD be treated. Work on a project you love. Have a facial. Start to study something you really want to study. Go for a walk, have coffee with a  friend, go on a road trip. Learn to love who you are. Truly, madly, deeply.


Honestly though, in the end, if you don’t believe in yourself and love yourself..who will?