Sisters. 

As we’re rolling into GL18- I thought I’d share some thoughts with you. 

This screenshot of my personal accounts are all negative balances except my checking account with $184.07 in it. 

The $25,000 loan and my credit card just bridging $7,000 are all expenses from GL17. 

I’m not financially irresponsible, just uneducated.

My dad got me my first pretend checkbook when I was 14?  But when I started using drugs and drinking at 17, needless to say I wasn’t the most financially responsible person. I remember the first time I learned I owed my bank $1200 from the mysterious “reserve line” I wasn’t even aware I had.  Apparently when you deposit a check, only $100 of it is available for the first 24 hours until it clears.  #whoops. I also remember when I bought my first house, and after the first year, I looked at the actual statement, and noticed that I had basically paid zero off the principal of the loan, and that my mortgage of $2300 was going towards interest.  I was gutted.  I hate owing people money, I hate being late on payments, and I always do my best to keep my credit score in at least the Low 700’s.

Anyway, I digress…..

Financial insecurity has always been a ‘thing’ for me.  I grew up in a hard working middle class family.  I never went without anything, but I was always feelings like we never had enough.  Could potentially be alcoholism, but I don’t have the mental capacity to go into that right now.

This picture was yesterday, 12 hours at a desk working on the event, but I’m actually writing this blog from the back of a van, with bags of inventory piled around me in trash bags as myself and my two wing grrrls, drive towards Vegas for 2018.  I still have a lot to do leading up to this event which is only FIVE DAYS away from happening now.  But at least unlike last year (our first year), I wasn’t just diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and sleep deprived for 2 weeks!

But as we roll into GL18, I look at the debts I took on from my personal account, to pull this event off.  We took out several loans, and have spent the majority of 2017 paying them off, but have yet to touch my personal debts.  The credit card was used for AV costs, and the cash flow manager loan was used to pay The Artisan hotel, to take over the hotel.

Clearly, we had to learn that lesson the hard way.  After GL17, there were SEVERAL times we nearly rolled up our doors due to the inability to get ahead.  But of course, we’ve always found a way, and looking back on our recent IGG campaign, YOU all found a way……

So now, with GL18 just days away, I noticed that I’m starting to get on edge, and had to question why.  Of course there is a lack of preparation.  We spent 10 days from April 8-18th packing up our warehouse and shipping out 700 orders.  Not great timing in retrospect to be doing that RIGHT before your second annual event.

But I realised that a big part of this edginess comes from that rooted fear of financial insecurity.

But the reality is, financial security is an illusion.  And this is why I’m writing this blog.  If you’re like me, you can easily look at numbers in your account, and let that dictate your mood, or feeling of success.  I can quickly look in my personal account and become overwhelmed and think “what the actual fuck are we doing?”.

Then I think back to the 8 year old who came and met me yesterday after talking to her on the phone a little over a month ago about why she should love her body, and not feel like she is anything less than perfect.  I think about the tears that rolled down her face as we finished saying The Pledge together, and I know that financial insecurity is an illusion.  I think back to the day prior to that, and look at the footage we captured of Amber Gallegos interpreting (signing) a video for us, and explaining the importance of bringing awareness to the deaf community and how we need to do better as a society.

I also think of every member of the grrrlarmy who has had her life changed by this brand.  And whilst my Grandmother might not see the value in what we’re doing because all she ever hears about is how tight money is, and my partner and I are fighting, and my health is declining.  But what a lot of people don’t understand, is that entrepreneurship is rewarding beyond not having to wake up to an alarm clock, being told what to do by someone else, and getting to set your own schedule.  It’s about having the opportunity for creating real, substantial change.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re a business owner, or contemplating starting your own business, do not let financial insecurity deter you from chasing your passion.  These numbers in my personal account are temporary.  And even if they kept getting bigger, who the fuck cares?  We’ve created an army of women ready to FIGHT for any one of us.  GL18 is doubled in size from GL17, and we learned by making A LOT of mistakes the first time around.  If we let that keep us back from doing it again, there wouldn’t be any magic.

When I die, I’m not taking any of these numbers with me, positive or negative.  Interest rates and the ‘Federal Reserve’, have a fascinating history if you ever get time, look up how the institution got started, and who’s behind it. “The Thrive Movement” is a good place to start on youtube.

Once again, I digress….

So much is about to go down next weekend.  I can’t even articulate.  But had I let fear creep in, and financial insecurity hold me back, a lot of lives wouldn’t be evolving next weekend.  Which of course will have a ripple effect on many more.

So to all of you who have made the sacrifices to get out here, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and know that GL19 will be even more untouchable.  With that many more lives impacted.

Love

MFCEO

Hey Kortney,
I just got my first ever item from Grrrl. I visited the mailbox, tried on my bomb as FUCK new jacket, and read the tags pinned to it at just the right moment !
I have spent the last year doing wonderful things with my body (trail running, rock climbing, playing Division 1 rugby with a team of killer ladies in Denver, and skiing). I have also spent the last year fighting an eating disorder fueled by PTSD and a lifetime of a shitty body image. Today was especially hard,like sit-in-the-grocery-store-parking-lot-for-20-minutes-before-I-got-up-the-courage-to-go-the-fuck-inside hard.
It sounds ridiculous. It was. Walking to the mailbox, my logic was bargaining with the destructive side of my mind, trying to keep my dinner in my body. Putting on a piece of clothing that fit me perfectly was a good first step to turning the evening around. Then I read the pledge on mtge tag. There was a part that made the bitch who lives in my head (the one who is never pleased, the one who said “15 lbs gone? Now 10 more? More.”) sit down and shut the fuck up for a few blessed moments. “I am having a POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD”.
My worth is not tied to a meal, a number, a size. Every time I step on the rugby pitch, or run, ski, and climb, I am building my body and giving my mind the fucking break it deserves. If my mind and body are taken care of, I can take care of those around me and leave the earth better than it was before I arrived. I can’t do any of those things if if I’m actively working against my body and constantly degrading myself. I read the pledge again.
Then I got up and made my lunches for the week. And you know what? I’m going to eat them too. Its just food. It’s not something to control – it’s fuel, plain and simple. I will put this pledge on my bathroom mirror. I will continue to move on and up. I will learn to love myself. I am going to achieve my goals. I’ve always known all of this, but it has been buried deep.
Thank you for what you’ve done with all that is Grrrl and GrrrlArmy.
Reporting for duty

 

Hey everyone it’s Kelly AKA The SpunkyCanuck checking in with the scoop on an awesome GRRRL fairy tale.

Recently, I had the pleasure of catching up with Lizzie and Suzy two GRRRLS who have an amazing story to share. I was familiar with part of their story catching bits and pieces of it here and there in our closed FB group and on Instagram. But, after spending some time with these ladies, I experienced first hand the love that they share for each other.  It’s evident that this couldn’t have happened to two more deserving women. After our talk, I was left feeling inspired and hopeful that real life whirlwind, butterflies in the stomach type of romances actually do exist and still happen.

Lizzie, 26 a sweet fun loving pastry chef from Christchurch New Zealand and Suzy, 37 a passionate children’s daycare worker in Chicago IL, had no idea that their lives were going to be completely transformed in EPIC proportions when they became a part of our closed Grrrl Facebook group. I must  say that I did get a little emotional putting together this interview. It’s just really nice to see genuine beautiful people fall head over heels in love and come out on top.

Kelly: Tell me the story about how you each found GRRRL Clothing.

Lizzie: I came across Grrrl while I was looking for some new gym wear. I had just started going to the gym with an Olympic lifting friend who was slowly getting me addicted to lifting heavy shit! I loved the clothes so much and through them, I found the Facebook page. I fell in love with the vibe  in the group and all the amazing Grrrls. I started talking and interacting with Grrrls and made some really cool friends around the world. Jumping on the Grrrl page felt like coming home.

Suzy: I found Grrrl through a close friend whom I used to Crossfit with. I was down dark path and at the end of bad relationship. I was Literally starting my life over again after a 5 year relationship. One day my friend says to me  “Have you heard of Kortney Olson?” and I’m like “who?” and she was like “ what you have never heard of Grrrl?” I hadn’t so I quickly checked them out on Instagram and was added to the FB group shortly after. I was in awe!! I was amazed at all the strong females. And even though I was in the group, I didn’t feel quite up to par. There were so many lovely Grrrls commenting and building me up. Slowly, I was finding my way and.making a couple Grrrl purchases at a time. Even at my heaviest, I was sporting around in shirts that exposed my sports bra and all my jelly rolls. I didn’t care because I represented a brand that was about something. I even attempted to get a Grrrl tattoo  however it was spelt accidently with and “ I” in it. I didn’t care, I was invested in this movement. I was a Grrrl!

Kelly: How did you guys meet?

Lizzie: One day I was just cruising around the group seeing what everyone was up to and this Grrrl posted about her donut shorts. She shared about how she wore them to the gym and felt self conscious and awkward. So, I commented about how I have the same shorts and I understood the feeling. She looked amazing in them and I wanted to offer her some support. A little while later I saw she had posted again and I won’t lie, in my head I was like. “she is freakin hot!” After a while seeing her posts and commenting back and forth, I added her as a Facebook friend.

Suzy: I began friending girls slowly and getting to know them a little better. I friended a cute girl named Lizzie who was full of energy and life. I noticed that I could always relate to her quotes about life and relationships. We were literally FB friends for 6 months before we actually spoke to each other!

Kelly:  Can you tell me a little bit about how your relationship developed?

Lizzie: We continued commenting on each others posts but, we barely talked at all for several months. Then one day Suzy posted about a dinner voucher she had and that she needed someone to go with her to this dinner. So, I cheekily commented that she should take me on a date! The comments went back and forth about this imaginary date we were going to have. I decided to send her a private message to continue the conversation. I didn’t go to sleep till about 4am that night. I just wanted to keep talking to her. She was so interesting and funny. I was worried if we stopped talking that day, we wouldn’t talk again! How wrong I was!

The next day we just kept talking and to this day the talking hasn’t stopped. We slowly got to know each other. We got good at the time differences and at remembering each others schedules to maximize our talk time. We got up early and stayed up stupid late just so we could talk longer. We started sending each other music to listen to. All of our favorite songs and bands. The music became love songs and the conversation changed from our friendship to something more.

I remember one day I was wondering what her voice sounded like. I sent her a little video just saying “hi”. This is me and my kiwi accent, i’m wondering what you sound like.”  This poor little sausage was so nervous about sending one back. It took some encouragement, but she did it for me and a little while later she was comfortable enough to video chat in real time. We started having little dates on video chat. We talked about life and what we both wanted and cared about. It felt crazy to be falling for someone on the other side of the world, who I have never met. It happened so naturally and so easily. I never imagined that it would actually become something. When I realised I had fallen for her, I knew that I had to do something!

Suzy: In June of last year I posted about a birthday voucher and how I needed someone to come with me for dinner. I had no idea that my whole world was about to change. After chatting through a private message with Lizzy I knew I had found a solid friend. I honestly had no intention of finding love at this point. I had been talking to someone for a few months who lived states away. That relationship was pretty much at its end when Lizzie and I started chatting. I was very upfront about my situation. I had been in a dishonest relationship previously and didn’t want to hurt this dear person that I had just met. But, as we continued to talk everyday. I found myself not being able to get through my day without finding out what she had been up to, or what funny things she’d say. She was so very funny and so very charming. Our conversations consisted of real things. Hopes and dreams. She was also encouraging me to go back to school. This girl was amazing and I couldn’t get enough.

Kelly: Can you guys tell me the story about how you first met in person?

Lizzie: A friend of mine sat me down and basically told me that I needed to just go for it! I needed to go and meet her for real and find out if this woman is going to be my forever. My friend set up a crowdfunding campaign to help pay for my flights and my parents helped out a bunch. I have never traveled further than Australia (3 Hour plane ride). Traveling to America by myself was huge!! I was so scared but also crazy excited!  The trip was amazing and I never once felt alone. I knew the Grrrl Army was behind me and commenting on my journey as I was sharing it with them. It felt like all the Grrrls were there with me.

Suzy: I never wanted a moment to happen more in my life. To have this girl with me whom I barely knew, but was so quickly was falling for.

After months of talking, I knew I wanted to spend my life with this girl. Me!  The person who has been so scared of the whole marriage thing. I wanted nothing more than to make this girl my wife. I wanted her to help me raise my children. She is definitely one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met. I wanted a house and the whole nine yards. I wanted it all. Many would consider us crazy because there is 17 hrs between us. But, to be honest there was never a question of will this work or How will this work? Those questions never crossed my mind. All I knew is that she was mine and I was hers. I was going to make this work. I would do whatever it takes.

When I met this girl at the airport and I held her in my arms for the first time and kissed her lips. It confirmed everything I had been feeling for the previous three months. If I had a ring at that moment, I would’ve proposed  to her right then and there. Having her in my space was the best reality I have ever experienced. She was there with me. It was everything. She is my everything. Later on, when I made my journey over to her it was just as exciting! Her world is so awesome and so are her friends and family. I can just tell they helped shape her into the beautiful person she is today.

Kelly:  I’m getting all the warm fuzzies just hearing you guys share from the heart. What a beautiful story. Lizzie you mentioned a crowdfunding campaign and the #GRRRLARMY being  behind you during that first trip. Can you tell me a little more about how that evolved?

Lizzie: The friend I mentioned earlier secretly messaged the MFCEO and asked her if it would be okay to get the Grrrl Army involved in a crowdfunding campaign to help raise the funds for my trip. Kortney set it all up and started sharing it everywhere. All these GRRRLS who we’ve only known online, sent money and left messages of encouragement. It was so incredibly humbling. I couldn’t believe how much people cared about us.

Kelly: That’s extremely heart warming and amazing. It’s so cool to know that this trip lead to your eventual engagement! Congratulations! Who proposed? And how ?

Lizzie:  Suz and I are super romantic, so I wanted her to have the big heartfelt romantic moment. When she booked her flights to come out here to New Zealand and meet my family, I planned this wee picnic in the garden for us. I had a ring made by this amazing kiwi jeweler, it’s one of a kind. When I proposed, about 5 seconds later Suz pulls this frickin ring out of her pocket ! She had the same idea!!!!

Suzy: Yes absolutely!!  She beat me to it!

Kelly: How incredibly special! And now in less than two weeks you will be getting married at GRRRL Live in Las Vegas! That’s insane! How are you guys feeling, are you nervous?

Lizzie:  I am crazy excited! My dress is just having a few final touches this week and everyone at my work is counting down the days with me!

Suzie: I’m super excited! However i’m a worrier. I worry about traveling and making sure everything will go alright.

Lizzie:  I know like we were planning on meeting for the first time and going on a date in Vegas and now we’re getting married!

Suzy: Oh how things have changed. It’s like they say when you know -you know and with Lizzie, I have always known.

Lizzie: I read this thing a while ago about how there are 2 types of people. Jumpers and toe dippers. I have never found another jumper before until I met Suz. Like we just went for it!

Yep, they sure did go for it. It’s amazing what a group of determined women can accomplish when they want to get something done. We’ve seen it with our even more recent crowdfunding campaign, The Self Love Rebellion Project. Grrrls are changing the world. I am very much looking forward to watching these two get married and sharing in that moment. It will no doubt be memorable. I am honored to be involved in sharing their story. I am honored to be a part of  an amazing group of women who are making shit happen every day! Stay tuned, I will be writing a follow up on these love birds after the wedding!

 

Peace love and Lolipops

Kelly

 

Hey grrrl heyyyyyyyy!!

MFCEO here to give you a play by play of what to expect for GL18 for those of you who’ve dug deep and found a way to get to THE absolute life-changing female empowerment event of the year.  For those of you reading this who are unaware of what the hell GL18 means, let me break it down for you.  GL = GRRRL LIVE 18= 2018.  Last year (our very first event), GL17 was (in my eyes) “meh”.  However, ask anyone who attended and they’ll tell you otherwise.  Take Cassandra Cuskelly for example.  She was so inspired after the event, she hauled off and got GRRRL tattooed above her eyebrow, along with several other grrrlarmy members who also got the brand tattooed.  Shit brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it now!  I look back at the event, and as a perfectionist, saw it as just “meh” because:

A) Everytime you do something for the first time, it isn’t going to be up to your standard,
B) I was just diagnosed with Graves’ disease right before departing Singapore and legit hadn’t slept for TWO WEEKS prior to the event (lol).  Not to mention on the flight over from Singapore to USA, I read an email that all of our leggings that had just finished completion to sell at the event were one size out, and I needed to somehow magically pull thousands of dollars out of thin air in less than 12 hours.  So there was that….. #startuplife

But in true GRRRL spirit, we ALWAYS find a way.

Now onto the excitement that is GL18:

Before I get into the event details, lets talk about ‘what to pack’.

Everyone needs to pack a ‘fancy dress’ if you plan on attending our red carpet event, which is the premier of our amazing documentary GRRRL: Beauty Is The Beast.  VIG and OG ticket holders will have access automatically.  For our general admission ticket holders, we’ll be announcing how to gain access during the general session Saturday morning.

Aside from a fancy dress, you really don’t need to pack anything except your favourite GRRRL gear!  Dress code for the general session is GRRRL clothing or functional and comfortable clothing, if you don’t own any gear (yet, lol). Don’t forget, you will be participating in an activity based workshop on either Saturday or Sunday, or both days.

For our OG ticket holders, be sure to pack something “sultry” (whatever that may mean by your own personal definition) to wear in your ‘boudoir photoshoot experience’ Monday morning.  You’ll need to arrive Monday morning with hair and makeup done if you want to glam it up for your shot.

Now – event details:

First off, unlike last year, everything is under one roof: The Golden Nugget.  For those of you who’ve not yet booked a room, the Nugget is damn close to sold out, but there are plenty of surrounding hotels around that have availability.

We recommend getting in Friday afternoon, and get yourself an Uber.  Unless you plan on driving out to the dessert at midnight over the weekend and watching shooting stars, there is absolutely zero reason to get a rental.  The Golden Nugget is in Downtown Las Vegas, the OG part of where Vegas was born.  Outside the Nugget, there are plenty of places to eat within walking distance with a ton of variety.  Also, the Nugget itself has a ton of places inside, including a dope buffet for $13USD.  Everyone from carnivore to vegan  can make the buffet work.

Depending on where you are staying, get yourself checked in, then head to our registration desk which will be located in Pebble Beach 3, which is in the conference space at the Carson Tower. You will see signs at checkin in the Carson Tower, or just ask when you check in. Be sure to register on Friday, because that’s where you will get your entry pass for the Pool Party.

At registration, our team will get you registered, get you your swag bag (make sure you bring your bag with you Saturday morning to the general session!), check you in for the pool party (which you can purchase tickets on site, or prepay here.) confirm your workshop elective, and double check your status for whether you want to compete in the deadlift/stronggrrrl competition Saturday late afternoon immediately proceeding the workshops.

After you get registered, you’ve got to check out the retail store!  Not to be a tease, but we have some of the raddest gear in the herstory of our GRRRL life hitting the event this year.  Please believe there will be no emails the week before the event informing me anything is mis-sized lol.  Believe that!

After you’ve shopped, grab your new GRRRL suit and head over to the Hideaway Pool at 7p for our takeover pool party!  From 7p – 10p we have the entire pool area taken over for just our grrrls.  One of the biggest pieces of feedback from last year, was that everyone had a little wish to have the opportunity to mingle and bond beforehand. So ask and you shall receive!  With your entry to the pool party, you’ll have a whole hour of free flow alcohol for 21+ and an array of different foods to nibble from while you chop it up with each other!  Three of our Ambassadors, Stephanie Brown, Stephanie Polluck and Isah Mazing will be there waiting to welcome you with lots of hugs and excitement! Anyone who bought their admission ticket before the end of October last year, will have the pool party included in your admission. If you bought your ticket after November 1st 2017 there is a cover charge of $30 to cover F&B. You can grab a ticket here…..

For those of you traveling alone, please don’t trip!  Everyone gets anxious going into new social settings.  But as soon as you meet the registration desk, you’ll feel right at home, and even more so once you get in and amongst your sisters.

After you’ve had your full share of chilling by the pool eating, drinking and laughing, get your ass to bed and ready for an early start.

Now, here’s a breakdown of the agenda in a real basic flow:

Saturday and Sunday morning both have an optional, full body workout in the grand ball room from 7am – 7:30am with Stephanie Polluck and Chantel Glesman.  Doors will open 6:50a so you can come in and occupy some space!  The workout is suitable to all levels, and if you have any injuries or concerns, be sure to let the one of the coaches know.

Then get back to your room and shower if need be, grab a bite, and get ready to come in when doors open at 8:00am with your swag bag.

Let the show begin!

Saturday’s theme is “finding self love through the eyes of our sisters” and Sunday’s theme is “inner reflection; learning tools to empower yourself from within”.

On both days, from 9am until roughly 1pm, we’ll have mainstage speakers interspersed with activities and opportunities to learn and grow. After lunch Saturday, we’ll have a fun section of movement called Wrestle Mania which will include a series of stations for you to experience some laughs and learning, whilst getting your body warmed up, along with your goddamn smiles!

After that, the workshops will commence.  We have Rose Namajumas teaching MMA on one side of the room, and the Deadlift & Stronggrrrl workshop on the either, with Meg Squats (along with her Bodybuilding.com squad) doing the technicalalities of the deadlift and Britteny Raynor and her squad doing the stronggrrrl workshop.

Following the workshops after a short break, we’ll get straight into the competition series of the deadlift and stronggrrrl events!  These competitions, along with the workshops, are designed for all levels, and provide an excellent opportunity for those of you who’ve always wanted to “check out” strength sports, but never felt comfortable enough to just rock up to a facility or step foot into a “gym”.  Whether you’ve never touched a barbell or sandbag before, or even walked onto the mats at an academy, all workshops are suited for the freshest of newbies, or the most vintage of pros.

After the competition series is over, we’ll roll into a dinner break.

For our VIG ticket holders, dinner will commence upstairs in one of the conference rooms at the Golden Nugget.  You’ll be advised upon arrival where that will take place, and dress attire is come as you are.

Take some time to eat, chill, and process your learnings from the day, then get ready to glam it up and walk the red carpet for our documentary premier!

From 9p, we’ll have the red carpet and media set up for the documentary cast, crew, celebrity guests, VIG and OG ticket holders will have access included in their ticket. Following the documentary, the night is yours to either crack on or get to sleep.  But be advised that Sunday is even more powerful than Saturday, so highly recommend you get a good night sleep. 

Sunday’s workshops will be a choice of:

-KO: teen time (for 11 year olds up to 19, join me in the Penthouse for 1.5 hour life changing talk and activity!)
-self defense with the Ramos sisters
-body confidence (a triad of dance: belly dancing, sexy chair dance, and twerking!)
-plant based living with Jacq from Get Planty
-NHA intensive with Andrea Parker (following her mainstage keynote on NHA. Highly recommended for mothers or Administrators working with high functioning children.  However, this valuable information is applicable to all relationships)

Following our workshops, we’ll again have a dinner break and then reconvene for our final closing keynotes, and event: Our grrrl + grrrl wedding!!!!  

Following Lizzie and Suz’s wedding, there’ll be an optional celebratory event on site, with us wrapping up the event with an ETA of 7:30pm Sunday night.

Now, for our OG ticket holders:

Monday morning, you will report to my Penthouse and join me along with Felicia Searcy, for a life changing series of experiences.

Upon checking in, you’ll find out the details of what Penthouse to report to onsite, with hair and makeup ready for your mini boudoir shoot with Bridget Raftery which will happen upstairs, while the rest of us drink mimosa’s, eat fruit, and get to know each other’s story on a deeper level.

After our morning session, we’ll have a beautiful catered lunch, then  spend the afternoon with Felicia diving deep into a 3 hour workshop on exploring and understanding how to create your ultimate dream life, followed by our final activity of axe throwing at Axehole (which is a few blocks down from the Golden Nugget) from 3-4:00pm, with the facitility rented out to us grrrls!  After the exhilarating axe extravaganza, we’ll head back for hugs, pictures and farewells, until we meet again.

So that is it my sisters.  Prepare to have one of the best weekends of your life, and we’ll see you soon.  Let the countdown BEGIN!

XO MFCEO

Most of you probably caught my IG story about visiting Julie . I initially put the call out because I was looking for a photography studio to simply borrow someone’s white seamless canvas and shoot some leggings. Bridget was going to be traveling with me. But plans changed, and all of a sudden I was asking Julie if she could shoot the leggings. It also happened to be my husband’s birthday and I wanted to do something ‘special’ for him since I have been away. His favorite color happens to be red. I just so happened to have red heels and a red thong body suit. Hahahahahaha!

Long story short we shot the leggings and got straight into a mock boudoir shoot. It was the first time I’ve ever done a shoot like this and I can’t tell you how amazing of an experience it was. When I arrived at Julie’s studio I was blown away by her level of detail. I can only describe it as a “woman’s touch”. For example, she had a sign that said ‘welcome Kortney’ sitting on the table. She had sultry R&B playing at the right volume. The lighting was amazing and she offered me a drink straight away.

We quickly started talking and she told me about how she got into doing boudoir. A lot of her clients are rape survivors or escorts. She explained how the photo shoots are empowering experiences for both herself and her clients. She struggles with body image on a daily basis and experiences healing through other women. She can still remember back in junior high and high school how her dad used to say “God you have the body of a linebacker” and her mom saying ” you’ll never get a husband if you eat like that”

Of course by time I was ready to leave I had her hooked in with some local Virginia GA members. Like K.P. to help her get started with Powerlifting! I mean Julie has THE PERFECT body type to lift some MASSIVE numbers. Thighs to DIE for. She’s just adorable, So personable and easy going. We both had a lot of fun.

So here’s the crazy thing. Since I was 21, I’ve been doing some kind of modelling. Back in my younger days I used to do a lot of implied nude and shooting with dudes to build my portfolio before social media had really become a thing. Model mayhem was the end all and be all. Over the years I’ve only worked with maybe 2 female Photographers. Even then it was just to shoot clothing for GRRRL and years back the odd shoot here and there. Like the iconic shoot with Jessica Frint in Humboldt County. But, ultimately it’s always been with male photographers. However over the past 4 years I’ve only shot consistently with one of my best friends who goes by the name “Tchalla Hawk” in the public eye. We’ve been shooting for a decade now and he’s one of the only Photographers who doesn’t see “flaws” as “flaws”. I’ve decided our goal by the end of this year is to release a semi-autobiography pictorial book that showcases our work and growth over the past decade without the use of photoshop or airbrushing.

Today was a radical change in experience. Having a woman direct me on how to pose in a sensual way was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Having modeling experience, I’d get into position and she’d tweak it ever so slightly then yell out “oh YES! That’s brilliant! Perfect hold that right there! GORGEOUS!”

Hearing compliments from another woman is life changing. It’s an energy that I cannot really explain. Those of you who’ve utilized the pledge cards and written a compliment to complete stranger which resulted in some kind of experience will know what I’m talking about. In the past I’ve taken A LOT of risque and racy photos in tiny outfits to show off my muscles. I always flexing and showing some kind of definition. But today was very different for me. I felt soft, and overly feminine. I almost felt strange. My entire life I’ve felt like I’m not worthy or sexy if I can’t see actual muscle definition. It’s a long-story as to why.But I’m acutely aware of it.

While traveling here in the United States I’ve worked out 3 times in the past month. So feeling like I’m not ‘ripped up’ and putting myself into poses that didn’t involve me flexing muscles, felt rather odd. However, when we went back and looked at some of the photos I was truly mind blown! It was like seeing myself though another lens. And this is exactly what I believe boudoir photography is designed to do. It’s not vanity, but more of an avenue to self acceptance. You get to see yourself in a powerful position (because lets face it Darryl Hall & Oats were singing ManEater with conviction in the background!) of sex appeal that you can chose to use, or not to use. Finding yourself exotic, enjoyable, desirable, fabulous.

I’m still having a hard time with the concept of where you draw the line between being a “good role model” for the NextGen and showing them that we have a power that needs to be harnessed and used at OUR will. Why do we sexualise women’s nipples but not men’s, when in actuality ours serve a function? They feed tiny humans. And also show them that there is nothing wrong with sexuality. Naturally humans (kids primarily) want to do what they’re told “not to do”. So if you’re exhibiting yourself in a position where you’re making a statement. This is me loving me. I’m not here for your approval. I’m not here for the likes on the pictures. I’m here to say goddamn I’m a stunning goddess and when shot through the eyes of another woman I can get a glimpse of my underlying power! Whether that power is rising up your masculine energy or feminine! Whatever your journey is you can find it whilst doing a boudoir shoot.

So. Much. Love.
Feeling content, accomplished, unafraid, and unstoppable with the GA charging forward.
MFCEO

It’s interesting, this is the first time in my entire life that I’ve gone more than 3 days without working out.  I’ve been in a gym since I was 17.  I’ve been taking some form of a stimulant like ephedra (when it was still legal) or pre workout, since 1999.  For the entire month of March, and the first week of April, in total, I’ve worked out 3 times in a gym.  I’ve had pre-workout once.  Usually, I could go 2 days, 3 at most, without working out before my body image issues would start to raise their nasty heads.  (I say head’s plural because I have a lot of fun voices in my head)

But for whatever reason, I’ve found that I’ve been ok being ok in my skin.  I’m not sure what’s happened, but I can tell you what has definitely helped: Being around a deaf person for the past couple of days.

I’ve been fine in general without working out.  But over the past two days, I’ve really started to notice how self-centered and insignificant my negative self talk is due to the fact that I’m staying in someone’s house who is deaf.  My wing-women is Tori.  She’s married to a gent who lost his hearing completely around the age of 7.  He can read lips and ‘had’ a cochlear until it died a few months back (costs $10,000 to replace since they have a monopoly on it). I didn’t realise how privileged I am, until I see (no pun intended) how much of an impact not being able to hear has on a person’s life.

Tori and I have been talking about how many people have been shot by the police for not responding to commands like “freeze” or hearing sirens, and have been blatantly shot in the head.  Speaking about it gets me all fired up, and my wheels turning, like what could we do to help identify people who are deaf?  But when you do that, it makes deaf people a target.  ….. 

Here is this man in his late 20’s, who walks around smiling, and is so pleasant all the time, not dwelling on his situation.

I’ve decided that when I get to Vegas, Thursday evening April 26th, I’ll be standing on Fremont Street in a bikini holding a sign saying “will flex for a cochlear”.  Stay posted and stay focused on moving forward.  Our body does not dictate our worth.  Be grateful for what we have, and not what the media programs us to feel like we “don’t” have….

It’s 11:35pm, and I’m sitting here in my blOfish jocks, and no shirt on. Hair looking like Kid N’
Play- trying to adjust to 2 days of jet lag before I get back on a plane and head from DC to
Alabama so we can pack up our warehouse and get it over to a 3rd party over in Los Angeles.

After seeing everyone rise to the occasion, and SMASH through our Indiegogo campaign goal, I
seem to be kind of all out of whack. It was such an emotional 50 day period. From getting the
campaign in a position to roll out (two weeks worth of solid work from dusk till dawn), to then
pushing the campaign live, then needing to tweak it because we just have SO much and TOO
much information to share, to then watching it dwindle out a little bit, and feeling like we weren’t
going to hit our goal, to THEN seeing the grrrlarmy MAKE. SHIT. HAPPEN!

It was a remarkable finish. Everyone went to battle, and holy ship did we WIN. Granted, I still had
fleeting moments of “oh shit- now we have to get all these orders sorted, and programs filmed,
and and and and and and’…. oh AND get the rest of GL18 finalized. and and and and and …

I digress.

But you can see how easy it is for myself (and I’m sure you can relate) to only experience fleeting
moments of joy. I bask in the sunlight for about 45 seconds (yes I’ve timed it), then my thoughts
quickly turn to “what’s next”… it’s shocking, really.

But, tonight I had a moment of clarity and joy. And it’s lasted for longer than 45 seconds. When
you’re a goal driven person, the type of person who THRIVES on checking shit off a to-do list, it
can easily become overwhelming to find inner peace. I’m told meditation is the answer. But I
haven’t gotten there yet. It’s only been 7 years that I’ve been working on incorporating a regular
practice, but hey! I’ll get there eventually.

Again, this evening my mom had sent me a video of a lady named Rene Hollis, asking if she was a
relative of another person we know from the town I grew up in. I had already been sent the same
video by another grrrlarmy member from the town I grew up in, and funny enough I had asked her
the same question. Then a week later, my ex Sister in law stopped by my parents house, and she
started talking about how great this Rene person is. She has recently listened to her audiobook of
her reading her journal called “girl wash your face” I believe. As she sat and spoke about her,
after I had just finished talking about our documentary that’s about to roll out, I started to feel a
little jaded. Having thoughts of “clearly I’m not doing enough”… “I’ve had 2 books I’ve semi
finished for 4 years now. Just sitting.. “I never finish anything I
start” *bullshit* *bullshit* *bullshit*

Anyhow, tonight when my Mother sent me the video, I decided to visit this lady’s Facebook page.
I saw she had a blue tick, and she has over 700,000 followers. Now, normally I would think “why
the hell can’t I get this stupid blue tick? Like who did I piss off? I only have 110,000
followers, who are mostly men who want me to flex or speak ESL.” But, tonight I looked at the
overall engagement of her posts, and just sat back and smiled. I finally felt like I didn’t need to
compare myself and my work to someone else who seemed to be doing ‘better’.

The engagement I witnessed yesterday with the amount of footwork by our soldiers in the
grrrlarmy was enough to blast the roof off the interest as far as I’m concerned. We have a life
changing documentary coming out at the end of April, and by Goddess, I JUST SPOKE TO THE
FBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My journey is just beginning. I truly feel my place is on a stage. Speaking my truth, in front of
1000’s of women, inspiring and sharing the real ness. Doing what we’re going with this road
show. Doing what I just did. I don’t need a blue tick. Or 700,000 ‘likes’, or an audiobook. I’m
doing epic shit every day. There is absolutely no reason to compare my journey to someone
else’s, just as the same goes to any of you reading this blog.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m so happy for this other woman. Like SLAY GRRRL SLAY! But my point
is, I am not feeling inferior, or as if I’m not doing enough. I feel like I’m manifesting my dream. All
these big visions of rebranding Kamp Konfidence into GRRRL Guides (or whatever we call it) so
our GA members can give back directly and be of service, all of these BIG visions will come to pass. I simply need to be patient, trust that I am EXACTLY where I’m meant to be on my journey,
and remember GoalsNotControls.

GL18 will be perfect so as long as I keep asking for guidance on a daily basis, show up, and do
the next right thing. (And of course show up clean and sober lol. (That ALWAYS helps.)
Goals don’t happen overnight. As you’ll learn in the Self Love Success Academy- there are short
term and long term goals. Today I went to meet with a staff member from Diane FeinStein’s office
to discuss these bigger goals. Nothing tangible happened, but you have to start somewhere.
This leads to that, leads to this, and back around.

As you all repeated after me, “I believe”.

So. Much. Love.
Feeling content, accomplished, unafraid, and unstoppable with the GA charging forward.
MFCEO

It’s time to call attention to why GRRRL Clothing exists. It’s time to look past the clothing and truly understand the heartbeat of GRRRL and what can be accomplished through our Self Love Rebellion Campaign.

GRRRL clothing exists to create change for a generation of struggling young women who are currently and will eventually be leading this world. The struggle is so real that our youth are dangerously crippled and lost. We need your help. Our clothing is the vehicle we use to get the message out. It’s the flag we fly and banner we raise to rally the troops who will stand for change in a marketing world that would rather look the other way and profit from female dysfunction. Our vision is much greater than the clothes on our backs.

To quote Ceo of GRRRL, Clothing Kortney Olson, in her emotionally moving video for the self love rebellion project, “History tells us that we need HERstory. A stronger female influence. But how can that happen when women are consumed by an epidemic of self-harm, self-doubt, self-hate, fear, and prejudice? The annual healthcare costs for eating disorders globally is 1 trillion dollars. One in 3 women will experience domestic violence. One in five will experience depression. One in 5 teenage girls will suffer from body image related mental illnesses. What is the answer? Self love. All the research shows that self love is the personal pillar that underpins the achievement of potential. It fosters unity, disengages prejudice and fosters equality. It is the key that unlocks potential and personal happiness.”

1 in 5 teenage girls will experience depression before they reach adulthood.
7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school, and relationships with friends and family members.
Over 70% of girls aged 14–17 years avoid normal daily activities, such as attending school, when they feel bad about their looks.
Eating disorders are the 3rd most common chronic illness in young females.
Self-harm hospital admissions have increased by more than 68% in the last 10 years, with teenage girls 50% more likely to self-harm compared to teenage boys.
The incidence of eating disorders has DOUBLED in the last 10 years.
75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities such as cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.

We didn’t create the the Self-Love Rebellion Project because we want to sell clothing. Yes, our clothing is award-winning and awesome. Plus, when you support us by contributing to our growth, you will receive amazing GRRRL gear in return. It really is a win-win situation. Your contribution will enable us to visit 5 cities in America to provide access to our life-changing self-love event absolutely free of charge. You will be changing lives and rocking amazing gear.

Based on the eye-opening statistics I shared above, chances are that if you’re a woman reading this, you’ve been directly or indirectly affected by one or several of the issues mentioned. If you’re a male reading this, there is most likely a woman in your life right now who is silently struggling. You can make a difference.

We can help. We want to arm women with the tools they need to conquer their inner demons and rise above. It’s alarming that we live in a culture where self-love is considered rebellious and that standing up against mass media marketing to normalize all body shapes, colours, and backgrounds is considered courageous.

Ask yourself who you have allowed to influence your beliefs. Have you ever thought about how your thoughts have been influenced by the media? We typically accept our thoughts as truth without thinking about where they came from and why. Companies profit from negative self-images while women destroy themselves. Hating yourself is considered acceptable and normal behavior. What is most alarming is that these behaviors are expected and encouraged. Can you imagine how many companies would go out of business today if women simply started loving themselves? There is so much work to be done, and it starts right here with The Self-Love Rebellion and you.

This is our pledge. We intend to change the world one pledge at a time, one woman at a time.
I solemnly swear to the best of my ability to refrain from talking negatively about myself as well as other Grrrls.
I am an equal amongst my peers, and see myself as neither better than nor less than them.
Through this pledge of non-judgment, I understand and embrace that I am having a positive impact on the world and furthering the global revolution of body acceptance.
I take this pledge.

It’s time to change the game. It’s time to change our inner narrative as a society. It’s time for healing to begin. Come read our story. We invite you to become a vital part of the rebellion. We invite you to help us mobilize an army of change.

Remember as Eleanor Roosevelt said. A woman is like a tea bag-you cant tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Keep fighting the good fight
SpunkyCanuck