I had the craziest moment happen today. It was what I’d call a “God Shot”. As most of you know, years ago I used to get paid a lot of money to make videos to do random ‘features of strength’. Whether I was beating men arm wrestling, picking them up and carrying them around, or being dominate and bossing blokes around, it was great money. It was also an incredible eye-opening experience for me, because it was at this point in my life that I started to realize the world was not at ALL what I thought it was. For a full deep-dive into this, visit www.grrrlfilm.com and check out our documentary.

So, one of my friends from recovery from way back in the day reached out and asked if I had a few words of inspiration to try and help her guide her 14 year old Daughter. She was having a hard time navigating the whole “be skinnier” challenge, and wasn’t sure how to best approach it. So speaking of documentaries I of course said, “Right- go to www.grrrlfilm.com and watch this documentary with her. This will give her context as to who I am and what I’m doing. Then I’ll talk to her myself after you have watched it.”

A week went by and I got a message. They had watched the documentary and they loved it. We arranged a time to connect on the phone.

Doing what I love to do  and what I was born to do, I got on the phone with my new 14 year old little Sister. I spoke to her straight from the heart and from the hip for a good 20 minutes. I gave her a plan, a purpose, and connections. Then made a date to meet in Vegas for GL19, and explained how Friday night we were having a special teen session with myself and size Brionii, aka our NextGen leader.

Then, after we hung up the phone it dawned on me that I had actually met her! I said, “O.M.G.!!!! You’re not going to believe this. But I believe I recall meeting you briefly when you were just a tiny baby!”. I said, “well- you watched the documentary. The world is not what you think it is my Friend. And you were actually a part of my journey in discovering this for a second in time!”. Her dad had volunteered to star as one of my “victims” in a commissioned video clip, and needed to bring her over to the house with him. She started crying at one point, so I had to pick her up!

You see- when you are authentic and have “been there/done that” and have a message of truth and real-ness, teens listen. Not just teens, but people in general. Being authentic is freeing.

So there you go… 13 years ago, I was still abusing pain pills, trying to navigate my way through recovery, hating my body, making money in this new world that made absolutely zero sense to me and holding babies. Now, these babies are talking to a leader who has a specific role for them in this revolution we call GRRRL.

See you in Vegas babygrrrl!

CEO on the go.

 

A few weeks ago I was in Hong Kong on business. In a mad rush, I went to initiate an international bank transfer in the amount of $25,000. I stupidly put the transaction reference ID number into the field where the account number was meant to go. With it pouring rain outside, I grabbed my purse and dashed out of my Eco hotel to make another meeting.Later that night, I received an email from the bank. Due to suspicious activity I needed to submit some information in order to unlock my account. This of course was an issue, because I had a tiny window of time to make this transaction happen. Which is par for course when you’re running a global operation on a shoestring budget… EVERYTHING is a tiny window. Timing is everything.

Because I was overseas, I needed to submit paperwork, my passport, and Drivers license. After doing my best to stay calm, I managed to get the front desk to print out some paperwork, take some photo copies, and arranged a call back with the bank an hour prior to my next meeting the next day. Come to find out, my Drivers license had expired 3 days prior, and now they needed a copy of my bank card.

Took another deep breath.

Got another hotel desk to photocopy and fax internationally. Got another call right before my meeting, “the copy needs to be darker”, and my window has practically shut, costing me a couple of thousands of dollars in exchange rates.

Long story short, I managed to barely slide in and get info submitted, stuff unlocked, orders paid for, and all meetings on time whilst keeping composure. There’s nothing more frustrating to me than being in a foreign country with little money, little time, and the inability to communicate.

By time I made it to the airport, I had a MAJOR case of the fuck-its. Blazing through security, I got to the terminal and discovered I had zero food choices. So, I went with the “lets buy every piece of chocolate I can recognise and pronounce” option, and proceeded to eat my body weight in a garden variety of candy bars. Legit,

Malt teasers

Brick of Toblerone

Kitkats

M&M’s… peanut butter filled (yeaaaaaaaaaa I kno datsssssss right!)

Sport Riser, hazelnut

And finally, a variety bag of mini Hershey’s chocolates!

In the 20 minutes I had before boarding my flight, I ate damn near all of it except the variety bag. And the Sport Riser.

About 3 hours into the flight, an hour before landing, I ate the Sport Riser, then had a few more mini Hershey’s. Then it all started to set it. I started to actually process my binging experience, and what caused it. I reflected upon that it’d been almost a year since I’d done something similar. Last October, I went on a binge fest eating nuts in the middle of nearly divorcing.

Historically, I was never a consecutive binge eater. I either would restrict calories, and then purge off of eating the smallest thing. I’ve gone through different phases since high school, which primarily consisted of meth, cough syrup, and narcotics to change the way I felt about my body and damper my appetite. I’ll leave it at that, because the issue with discussing too much detail with eating disorders, is that we give each other ideas. This is why group therapy is tricky in ED recovery.

But, the point of this blog, was I had a bit of a breakthrough moment. For the first time in nearly forever, I didn’t sit with feelings of guilt, followed by “how am I going to work this off tomorrow?”, thoughts. Aka, punishment. I sat there in my 3 row of empty seats laying down, with a book on my lap, and thought about how lucky I was to even have the opportunity to buy all that chocolate in the first place. I thought about how much shit I had made it through that day, and that I stayed clean and sober yet another day. 8+ years ago, I would have crumbled and gone straight into the bar.

I didn’t sit and think thoughts of needing to justify why it was ok, or wasn’t ok. It just was! As I continued to lay on the seats, I decided that I’d keep a handful in the freezer for those non-vegan days where I felt like having something tasty. I also decided that I was going to stop by the homeless man who sleeps outside on a piece of cardboard around the corner of my house, and place a couple by his head while he slept. Instead of looking at that chocolate episode as some kind of tragic event, or justify it- feel guilty about it… I simply thought how grateful I was for everything that I have, and that I was free to make the choice to even buy it all (arguably when you’re in that mode as a binge eater, you don’t have a choice- until you learn tools). I was excited to share my chocolate with my homeless Friend. We’ve never spoken. We don’t speak the same language. But whenever he’s woken up when I was walking home from the gym, we always smile and laugh with each other.

I kind of knew that he’d know that I left it. And although they were bars and not kisses, I’d hope that he knew someone was thinking of him.

If you are experiencing issues with binge eating and need help, I highly recommend attending GL19, June 1-2nd weekend 2019. Debbie Lichter, author of Freedom From Food Addiction . Com and the congruence code, will be holding a mainstage presentation along with 2 breakout workshops. Click the link here to visit the GRRRL:Live page.

CEO on the go.

Hey everyone!  GRRRL Clothing is nothing without you. The history of this amazing brand starts with your personal GRRRL story! I am making it my mission to share your stories by featuring one special GRRRL each month!  Lets see what Amelia  had to say in this edition of #GRRRLTALK.

SPUNKY: How did you discover GRRRL?

AMELIA: I honestly don’t even remember. I think it may have been on either a FB group or Instagram. Someone recommended GRRRL and I had to go check it out.


SPUNKY:What made you want to become part of this movement?

 

I just loved what it stands for. Every other media message we get is about targeting other women and how we are needing to always be one-upping each other. That is so exhausting.  I really loved the sizing concept.  I love how it empowers women of all sizes to identify with a badass woman rather than whatever concept a letter or number size gives. I also value how open and honest KO is with all of us. She doesn’t hide behind her company or make excuses. If she’s going through a tough time we know about it and can support her, which makes her more relatable to the community. She’s very open to feedback as well, both positive and negative. You don’t see that much from a CEO. 

 

SPUNKY: What was the first thing you wore?

 

AMELIA: The first GRRRL item I ever got were the donut shorts. I was so excited when they came I wore them all the time, and when the donut Next Level leggings came back in stock in my size I had to order those immediately as well. Now I have several tank tops and I just got my rainbow pants in and I can’t wait to wear them!

 

SPUNKY: How did finding GRRRL change your life?

 

AMELIA: The GRRRL private Facebook group is one of the most supportive communities I’ve ever been a part of. I love that so many different women are represented whether from different sports or just walks of life. I love that the community doesn’t shy away from discussing the difficulties all women face. Even when there are differences of opinion all conversations are  handled with courtesy.
 
SPUNKY:What would you say to other women out there right now, what do you think they need to hear?

 

AMELIA: Stop following people that make you feel bad about yourself. Surround yourself with people who will support you but,  also give you a reality check if and when you need one. Be kind to yourself. We are so conditioned to focus on what’s “wrong” with us and that only causes harm. Support other women in your life, whether its emotionally or financially or whatever the case may be. Do no harm but take no shit, if someone is toxic to you, cut them off. I think personally and a lot of other women I’ve talked to feel this way as well, the focus is to take care of others first. But,  if you’re not in a healthy place that is so much harder to do. So take care of yourself. Listen to people who are different from you, especially if you have privileges they don’t. Do not discount their experiences or tell them they are wrong. Just shut up and listen which is often hard to do, especially if you’re used to having a platform to speak up.

 

As always I love hearing from you GRRRLS
Keep fighting the good fight
 Spunky