Hey GRRRLS hey! I’ve spent a lot of time over the last year sharing the stories on your experiences at GRRRL Live 2018. Just head back through the blog and check out all the memories! But, as you can see, I’ve neglected to share my own! As I make my plans to attend this years event which is just around the corner at the beautiful Palms in Las Vegas this June. I’m reminded of so many sweet an cherished moments experienced last April. I don’t even know how to begin expressing into words the deep and lasting impact that is GRRRL LIVE. How do you write a feeling. In my case it was more in the subtle things, the undercurrent and energy of it all. So, I will try my best to put those feelings into words for you so that you can understand.
For example, I had never seen a real life palm tree before. I know it’s such a simple little thing but, I grew up in Canada and was a troubled teen. I dropped out of school very young and left home young. So no fancy family vacations growing up. I had to grow up way to fast and in some ways not fast enough.Traveling for pleasure and adventure was never an option. If I traveled anywhere it was out of necessity and usually to get away from one bad situation and into another. I had never really been on an actual grown ass woman trip. Traveling to Vegas was INCREDIBLE for me just for those reasons alone. I had missed out on so much in my past and little did I know that this particular weekend would become about reclaiming so many things that I didn’t even know I had lost.
I’ve been a part of the GRRRLARMY for about three years, not quite one of the OG ladies but almost! I discovered GRRRL on Instagram shortly after I had started training to become a competitive powerlifter. My friend Kim whom I had met on Instagram through the powerlifting community shared GRRRLS powerful message with me and once I had discovered Kortney Olson it was all over. I knew that I had plugged into something different and the sisterhood quickly became a deep and profound influence in my life. Who knew how much this involvement would catapult me into woman I am today! The Spunky you all know and love!
Kim and I had been friends on social media for over two years by the time I got my ass to Vegas in 2018. We had supported each other through our lifting, competing and life’s ups and downs. We became very close friends and up until that point had never met in person so this trip was already epic because she was my roommate!
A lot of tears flowed the day I walked into the GRRRL sign in and meeting room! I cry easily these days, but man I cried that day. I was already so emotionally charged by the significance of just being present in that room. The epic-ness of everything it took to get me there for that one particular moment. I almost chickened out and stayed home!! I had almost convinced myself that I would not belong. The event hadn’t even begun yet but, I had already won my prize. It was like my life was coming full circle and I was stepping into something completely new as an adult woman. This was for me and it was significant and real.
One thing I enjoyed immensely is that the entire weekend was like this ENORMOUS girls sleepover. The reason I enjoyed this so much was because this type of interaction is completely foreign to me. I never experienced anything like that when as a young woman. I never had those slumber parties where a bunch of girls got together and braided each others hair while watching chick flicks laughing and talking about boys ect. I never had that because I never really had a normal teenage life. I was robbed of those necessary experiences and I didn’t connect with other girls my age. I was not the type of girl that fit in with other girls growing up and they made that abundantly clear to me. It was quite odd at 40 years old to have this epiphany! I had been living my entire life with this HUGE hole in my heart. I didn’t even know it existed because I had never understood the deep, necessary and natural relational experiences I should have had as a young woman.
Now, we didn’t sit around in our rooms braiding each others hair and talking about boys but we did experience deep meaningful conversations and morning dance parties in our hotel robes. We had wonderful meals and deep laughter. We had late night reflections and just a general sense that we were doing something bigger than ourselves together. It’s actually taken me until just recently to unpack exactly what that weekend meant to me.
I had spent the better portion of my life believing the lie that I didn’t belong. I spent it believing that I was not intelligent or worthy of having these types of interactions. But, here I was surrounded by a huge group of women who collectively were there to support my growth and wanted nothing more than to see me succeed and thrive. It was a completely safe,loving, supportive and nurturing environment. Where everyone was just content in being themselves and the insecurity was checked at the door when you walked in. We were the manifestation of the complete and total opposite of what we are told a group of women should be like and it was the best thing ever!
When I originally started writing out this blog I wanted to touch on all the quality speakers and sessions that I attended because KO spends a lot of time and effort to bring you guys the very best of the best and she delivers! You definitely need be sure to take advantage of everything that is presented to you because it is all so valuable! But, in light of that, I just feel like GRRRL LIVE was so much more than the information, tools and workshops.
For myself the experience was profound on a level that reaches down deep into a woman’s heart. It wasn’t anything tangible on the surface but more the pulse or the life blood running through everyone that weekend. It was the collective energy. It was a sense that I was coming home to something that I never realized I was missing, that so many of us are missing
When you come together with a group of like minded women such as the GRRRLARMY there is a sense of wholeness and completeness. This quiet unknown ache and desire for true and honest connection and interaction deep down that we can’t seem to put our finger on, is fulfilled so beautifully. When you return home you’re different. You’re stronger because of it and you feel less alone because you know you’ve made lifelong connections. I don’t know how you could possibly not be changed by the energy that is created in that environment. But, I do know that every day I try to emulate it and expand my world because of it.
GRRRL LIVE instilled in me the courage to be the change that never came to me as a young woman. That is the most epic thing that could have ever happened to me. Even now, I find that I lack the words to adequately describe the feeling in my heart. You will have to just go and experience it for yourself! I look forward to seeing you all there!