Warrior

Women bear children. Her function dwells on reproduction…becoming a mom. If you have forgotten this important role, do not fear strangers, family, friends, and acquaintances will serve as personal reminders. “Oh honey you are going to have beautiful children” or “you are going to make a great mother.”

Society defines women’s successes by the spawn generated from our uteri. If one child strays away and follows the road not taken, their mother has failed.

Rewind. What happens when a woman cannot fulfill society’s role? She becomes tainted goods. No, no a female must have children that is their main purpose. Culture offers options to fix the defect: surgery, hormones, egg harvesting, surrogate,  implementation of eggs from another properly working lady. Children are the biggest accomplishment of your life.

FUCKING. PAUSE. I am my biggest accomplishment. Society casts the label misfit. I embody the title warrior. Men view me as dysfunctional where as I view them as unequipped to handle a fierce, independent woman not defined by reproduction. I am not a deficiency. I am Chelsea Cullen.

Hey grrrl heyyyyyyyy!!

MFCEO here to give you a play by play of what to expect for GL18 for those of you who’ve dug deep and found a way to get to THE absolute life-changing female empowerment event of the year.  For those of you reading this who are unaware of what the hell GL18 means, let me break it down for you.  GL = GRRRL LIVE 18= 2018.  Last year (our very first event), GL17 was (in my eyes) “meh”.  However, ask anyone who attended and they’ll tell you otherwise.  Take Cassandra Cuskelly for example.  She was so inspired after the event, she hauled off and got GRRRL tattooed above her eyebrow, along with several other grrrlarmy members who also got the brand tattooed.  Shit brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it now!  I look back at the event, and as a perfectionist, saw it as just “meh” because:

A) Everytime you do something for the first time, it isn’t going to be up to your standard,
B) I was just diagnosed with Graves’ disease right before departing Singapore and legit hadn’t slept for TWO WEEKS prior to the event (lol).  Not to mention on the flight over from Singapore to USA, I read an email that all of our leggings that had just finished completion to sell at the event were one size out, and I needed to somehow magically pull thousands of dollars out of thin air in less than 12 hours.  So there was that….. #startuplife

But in true GRRRL spirit, we ALWAYS find a way.

Now onto the excitement that is GL18:

Before I get into the event details, lets talk about ‘what to pack’.

Everyone needs to pack a ‘fancy dress’ if you plan on attending our red carpet event, which is the premier of our amazing documentary GRRRL: Beauty Is The Beast.  VIG and OG ticket holders will have access automatically.  For our general admission ticket holders, we’ll be announcing how to gain access during the general session Saturday morning.

Aside from a fancy dress, you really don’t need to pack anything except your favourite GRRRL gear!  Dress code for the general session is GRRRL clothing or functional and comfortable clothing, if you don’t own any gear (yet, lol). Don’t forget, you will be participating in an activity based workshop on either Saturday or Sunday, or both days.

For our OG ticket holders, be sure to pack something “sultry” (whatever that may mean by your own personal definition) to wear in your ‘boudoir photoshoot experience’ Monday morning.  You’ll need to arrive Monday morning with hair and makeup done if you want to glam it up for your shot.

Now – event details:

First off, unlike last year, everything is under one roof: The Golden Nugget.  For those of you who’ve not yet booked a room, the Nugget is damn close to sold out, but there are plenty of surrounding hotels around that have availability.

We recommend getting in Friday afternoon, and get yourself an Uber.  Unless you plan on driving out to the dessert at midnight over the weekend and watching shooting stars, there is absolutely zero reason to get a rental.  The Golden Nugget is in Downtown Las Vegas, the OG part of where Vegas was born.  Outside the Nugget, there are plenty of places to eat within walking distance with a ton of variety.  Also, the Nugget itself has a ton of places inside, including a dope buffet for $13USD.  Everyone from carnivore to vegan  can make the buffet work.

Depending on where you are staying, get yourself checked in, then head to our registration desk which will be located in Pebble Beach 3, which is in the conference space at the Carson Tower. You will see signs at checkin in the Carson Tower, or just ask when you check in. Be sure to register on Friday, because that’s where you will get your entry pass for the Pool Party.

At registration, our team will get you registered, get you your swag bag (make sure you bring your bag with you Saturday morning to the general session!), check you in for the pool party (which you can purchase tickets on site, or prepay here.) confirm your workshop elective, and double check your status for whether you want to compete in the deadlift/stronggrrrl competition Saturday late afternoon immediately proceeding the workshops.

After you get registered, you’ve got to check out the retail store!  Not to be a tease, but we have some of the raddest gear in the herstory of our GRRRL life hitting the event this year.  Please believe there will be no emails the week before the event informing me anything is mis-sized lol.  Believe that!

After you’ve shopped, grab your new GRRRL suit and head over to the Hideaway Pool at 7p for our takeover pool party!  From 7p – 10p we have the entire pool area taken over for just our grrrls.  One of the biggest pieces of feedback from last year, was that everyone had a little wish to have the opportunity to mingle and bond beforehand. So ask and you shall receive!  With your entry to the pool party, you’ll have a whole hour of free flow alcohol for 21+ and an array of different foods to nibble from while you chop it up with each other!  Three of our Ambassadors, Stephanie Brown, Stephanie Polluck and Isah Mazing will be there waiting to welcome you with lots of hugs and excitement! Anyone who bought their admission ticket before the end of October last year, will have the pool party included in your admission. If you bought your ticket after November 1st 2017 there is a cover charge of $30 to cover F&B. You can grab a ticket here…..

For those of you traveling alone, please don’t trip!  Everyone gets anxious going into new social settings.  But as soon as you meet the registration desk, you’ll feel right at home, and even more so once you get in and amongst your sisters.

After you’ve had your full share of chilling by the pool eating, drinking and laughing, get your ass to bed and ready for an early start.

Now, here’s a breakdown of the agenda in a real basic flow:

Saturday and Sunday morning both have an optional, full body workout in the grand ball room from 7am – 7:30am with Stephanie Polluck and Chantel Glesman.  Doors will open 6:50a so you can come in and occupy some space!  The workout is suitable to all levels, and if you have any injuries or concerns, be sure to let the one of the coaches know.

Then get back to your room and shower if need be, grab a bite, and get ready to come in when doors open at 8:00am with your swag bag.

Let the show begin!

Saturday’s theme is “finding self love through the eyes of our sisters” and Sunday’s theme is “inner reflection; learning tools to empower yourself from within”.

On both days, from 9am until roughly 1pm, we’ll have mainstage speakers interspersed with activities and opportunities to learn and grow. After lunch Saturday, we’ll have a fun section of movement called Wrestle Mania which will include a series of stations for you to experience some laughs and learning, whilst getting your body warmed up, along with your goddamn smiles!

After that, the workshops will commence.  We have Rose Namajumas teaching MMA on one side of the room, and the Deadlift & Stronggrrrl workshop on the either, with Meg Squats (along with her Bodybuilding.com squad) doing the technicalalities of the deadlift and Britteny Raynor and her squad doing the stronggrrrl workshop.

Following the workshops after a short break, we’ll get straight into the competition series of the deadlift and stronggrrrl events!  These competitions, along with the workshops, are designed for all levels, and provide an excellent opportunity for those of you who’ve always wanted to “check out” strength sports, but never felt comfortable enough to just rock up to a facility or step foot into a “gym”.  Whether you’ve never touched a barbell or sandbag before, or even walked onto the mats at an academy, all workshops are suited for the freshest of newbies, or the most vintage of pros.

After the competition series is over, we’ll roll into a dinner break.

For our VIG ticket holders, dinner will commence upstairs in one of the conference rooms at the Golden Nugget.  You’ll be advised upon arrival where that will take place, and dress attire is come as you are.

Take some time to eat, chill, and process your learnings from the day, then get ready to glam it up and walk the red carpet for our documentary premier!

From 9p, we’ll have the red carpet and media set up for the documentary cast, crew, celebrity guests, VIG and OG ticket holders will have access included in their ticket. Following the documentary, the night is yours to either crack on or get to sleep.  But be advised that Sunday is even more powerful than Saturday, so highly recommend you get a good night sleep. 

Sunday’s workshops will be a choice of:

-KO: teen time (for 11 year olds up to 19, join me in the Penthouse for 1.5 hour life changing talk and activity!)
-self defense with the Ramos sisters
-body confidence (a triad of dance: belly dancing, sexy chair dance, and twerking!)
-plant based living with Jacq from Get Planty
-NHA intensive with Andrea Parker (following her mainstage keynote on NHA. Highly recommended for mothers or Administrators working with high functioning children.  However, this valuable information is applicable to all relationships)

Following our workshops, we’ll again have a dinner break and then reconvene for our final closing keynotes, and event: Our grrrl + grrrl wedding!!!!  

Following Lizzie and Suz’s wedding, there’ll be an optional celebratory event on site, with us wrapping up the event with an ETA of 7:30pm Sunday night.

Now, for our OG ticket holders:

Monday morning, you will report to my Penthouse and join me along with Felicia Searcy, for a life changing series of experiences.

Upon checking in, you’ll find out the details of what Penthouse to report to onsite, with hair and makeup ready for your mini boudoir shoot with Bridget Raftery which will happen upstairs, while the rest of us drink mimosa’s, eat fruit, and get to know each other’s story on a deeper level.

After our morning session, we’ll have a beautiful catered lunch, then  spend the afternoon with Felicia diving deep into a 3 hour workshop on exploring and understanding how to create your ultimate dream life, followed by our final activity of axe throwing at Axehole (which is a few blocks down from the Golden Nugget) from 3-4:00pm, with the facitility rented out to us grrrls!  After the exhilarating axe extravaganza, we’ll head back for hugs, pictures and farewells, until we meet again.

So that is it my sisters.  Prepare to have one of the best weekends of your life, and we’ll see you soon.  Let the countdown BEGIN!

XO MFCEO

http://www.scarymommy.com/principal-to-high-school-girls-no-leggings-unless-youre-a-size-zero-or-two/

So peep game !!

I woke up to the above story and lost my shit.

As the MFCEO of GRRRL, I encourage each and every one of you to take to your social media.

Put ON leggings.
Optional top on or off.
Middle finger in the air.
#STRATFORDGRRRL
Then encourage all of your female followers to do the same

In a nutshell, the PRINCIPAL of a high school, told her female students that if they were anything but a size zero or size two, and they wore leggings, they'd look fat.

This is exactly why I started smoking meth as a 17 year old. I was the ASB President of my high school, heading to Stanford, aiming to be the first Female President of the United States. Captain of the cheerleading team, in a Christian rock band, stared the first girls gold team, you want me to keep going?

I did it all. Perfect student. Who on the outside was SO put
Together. Driven. Fucking GOING PLACES. But yet on the inside- HATED MY BODY AND WAS DESPERATE TO BE A SIZE ZERO.

So you can understand my rage.

GRRRL Clothing was created for this exact reason.

No sizing. No photoshop and airbrushing. No bullshit. All body types.

Thank you for sharing.

#grrrlarmy

From the desk of the MFCEO.

Some of you may know of me as a teen whisperer. It's true. I have a knack with them. But it's not rocket science. And my goal is to personally train and develop mentors all over the world.

Below find a post from a mother who has a 13 year old daughter who recently experienced bullying.


So why the blog? Because I want to show off and prove how fucking awesome I am?

I don't think so.

It's an attempt to get the word out there that if you or anyone else you know who might have a teenage girl in your life who needs help- MUST get to GRRRL Live 2018, April 27/28th 2018 in Las Vegas.

This year we'll even be offering a package ticket for guardians/single fathers who want their precious cargo to have an opportunity to empower a life.

Website will be updated and ready to rock in a couple weeks. So stay tuned.

X KO

GRRRL Live 2017 was such a huge success that we've already kicked off Planning for 2018! Last event we had 150 grrrlarmy members from all over the world attend with 400-500 expected next year for #GL18 !!

We had members so moved, that we've counted 6-7 tattooed that we know of!

Check out well known member Cass getting GRRRL tattooed right above her eyebrow!

We can't wait to see you all in Las Vegas April 27th and 28th!

Special hotel rates and packages coming soon, so please don't book anything yet! The event will be held at the hotel this year!

XOKO

In response to criticism of GRRRL in respect of our recent dealings with Cris Cyborg, we consider it is necessary to present the background to what SHOULD have remained a private matter in respect of our commercial sponsorship of Cris.

 

A little over a month ago we entered into a 12 month sponsorship agreement with Cris, to cover a personal appearance at our GRRRL:Live event in Las Vegas combined with an ongoing 12 month commitment through Cris’s social media channels.

 

Unfortunately, within a matter of hours of appearing and speaking at our event, Cris was involved in “battery” of another fighter on the street outside a UFC retreat. Cris’s conduct in this regard has broadly been condemned by the fight industry and the organization by whom she is contracted as a fighter.

 

As a company with representation and brand ambassadors amongst girls as young as 6, we cannot publically condone this behaviour especially as the behaviour is directly in conflict with the messages Cris shared at the event, one of our speakers on cyber bullying and our company message to promote female harmony and unity.

 

This conduct has the potential to diminish the tireless work by our amazing network of women throughout the world to support female harmony and unity.

 

As a consequence of these matters, it is with regret that our sponsorship of Cris has come to an end.

 

We wish Cris well with her continued professional career. And every success in the future.

 

We are unable to comment any further in respect of this matter as it is now being handled by our legal team.

Grrrl has withdrawn its sponsorship of Julianna Pena over Ronda Rousey comments.

pena
GRRRL CEO Kortney Olson has withdrawn her clothing line’s sponsorship of UFC athlete Julianna Pena over her public bodyshaming of former UFC champion Ronda Rousey.

Grrrl is the first clothing label in the world not to feature sizing, instead helping women to match their body-type to a range of global female athletes’ figures. It also has a manifesto unparalleled in its commitment to right the glaring wrongs in the fashion industry.  Kortney today commented, “At the end of the day, GRRRL clothing exists to empower women. Not to sell more tshirts. I was extremely excited to bring Pena on-board, as I believe she has the fierce spirit of a champion. And has the potential to dominate the division for many years. She’s hard as nails, but unfortunately, her nails are rusty.  

To call another fighter ‘fat’ completely contradicts who and what we stand for as a brand. And while it may cost us to miss out on the publicity of Julianna winning a world title, we think it’s more important to stay true to what we believe.  There will always be an element of trash talking between fighters. It’s a big part of the lure of the sport. Humans love drama. However, calling out a woman by referring to her “fat arms” when she’s experienced bulimia is unacceptable and I won’t have a rusty fucking bit of it.”

Kortney added, “Active wear and sports wear brands like to present themselves as empowering women. In reality, it’s just a cynical marketing ploy by corporations, mostly men, that do nothing for women other than reinforce stupid, harmful stereotypes. And we want no part in that. As much as we believe in Juliana as an athlete, we have to look beyond that.“The very brands that pretend to support women in our industry are actually abusing, demeaning and holding women back. If you think I’m exaggerating, I suggest you google Chip Wilson of Lululemon, or fat shaming and Lorna Jane.”“We’re tired of billion dollar companies masquerading as female-friendly. We’re tired of the hypocrisy of brands presenting as female-focused when they’re perpetuating female stereotypes.” #grrrlarmy #integrity #GRRRL #ufc GRRRL Clothing

The post Grrrl has withdrawn its sponsorship of Julianna Pena over Ronda Rousey comments appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

This, is a public apology for posting a picture of your dick.

Because I live that ‘spiritual life’, I’m responsible for my actions.  I take regular inventory of myself and call myself on my bullshit when necessary.

Dick pics.  Lets talk about them.

Now some of you may have noticed I turned my messages off on my Facebook fan page.  Reason being, is on average, I’d get 2-3 different dick pics a day.  That’s not such  big deal, right?  But when you add it in with the countless messages from men I don’t know (wouldn’t matter if I did know them to be frank), about how they want to:

-plow my big ass with their cock
-have me smash their dick between my strong legs
-etc etc

It gets old.

I get it.  Men are programmed to be aroused differently.  Us women want to have a deep and meaningful conversation while we stare into each others eyes, then hope you start out by kissing our neck gently.

dick pic

 

That has always remained the same.  But- somewhere along the way after the birth of the internet, there’s been zero education on how to ‘act right’ online, via computer, phone, or any other piece of technology.  Now with virtually anything accessible at your fingertips, life’s a very different place prior to before the internet.  It’s become ‘normal’ for men to talk this way to women they don’t know.

Now, I do my best to not judge.  As most of you know I spent close to 3 years in the ‘muscle fetish underground’ world as a ‘muscle goddess’, getting paid to stand around and flex, or demonstrate features of strength.  Nothing surprises me anymore.  And most of my ‘fans’ I got to know extremely well.  I don’t see anything as “weird” or “gross”.  Just “normal”, great men with a fascination or obsession with “different” aspects of arousal.  The only thing I do know now, is that life is not what it seems.  ALL people wear masks.  Whenever I get pulled over by a cop, or need to stand in front of a judge again (hopefully those days are gone forever since I quit drinking 7 years ago lol) I can silently sit and think to myself “ah- yes… I know what you like to do when you get off work behind closed doors…. put on women’s pantyhose and get slapped around!”.  Or even the dentist…

I digress.

The point is, the dick pics get old.  And they aren’t getting you anywhere.

Now, here’s the apology. Kinda-

A few months back, I had a one-way conversation start in my personal Facebook messages with a guy talking about his dick.  Along with pictures of it of course.  I didn’t see it for months, because I can’t keep up with my inbox.  I hardly catch my dad’s messages.  I’m actually contemplating shutting messages off on my personal page as well.  Anyway, I gave this guy a really good reply, and decided to share it in a closed group of women whom I lead, since the topic of dick pics came up (again).

Not a problem, right?  If you send me a picture of your dick and continue to message me without me replying, that’s fair ground to put your shit out in public, isn’t it?  Well to some, maybe.  At the time it seemed fine to me.  But that changed.  And it only changed when the guy potentially found out about it, as he messaged me again and asked if I “blasted him on Facebook lol”.

Without blocking his name from the picture, this opens him up to anything.  And who knows, maybe he’d take his own life out of embarrassment by women being able to go and look him up publicly.  Although he has one of the most common names in the world, and his wall is covered in posts about the enormous size of his dick, the point is, all of my actions have consequences.  Potentially none to him, but other women may see that move as a display of character and that they might not be able to trust me.  So often we do shit without thinking all the way through.  Kind of like when I was still drinking…… “if I take this 10th cocktail, I miiiiiiiiiiiiiiight end up getting behind the wheel and running over a family of 4 walking down the street while singing to Prince too loudly whilst in a blackout”.  Never really thought about that shit!

Whilst I focus my life on empowering women not to judge other women, and more importantly, not to judge ourselves, I can’t have my cake and eat it to.  I can’t live my principles, and only apply them to certain classes of people.  As one of my teachers said, ‘by creating enemy’s we create separation”.

I don’t know this man.  I don’t know how he was raised.  Potentially without a strong mother figure.  I don’t know if he’s a drug addict seeking attention or help.

Upon taking regular inventory of myself, I can see when my actions don’t match up with how I’m aiming to live my life.  If I’m striving to be the best possible version of me, I have to address this stuff as it comes up, and realise the only reason why I checked my actions was because he potentially found out.

Lastly, a word of advice on dick pics.  Just as I said to this young man, “don’t bother”.  The single most attractive trait women find appealing in a partner, is quiet confidence.  I told him, “don’t attract women who just want you for your massive dick”, “whip it out when the time is right and surprise the shit out of her”…

In fact, here’s exactly what I wrote:

“No, i don’t think you’re sorry you sent a dick pic. i don’t know why i was compelled to look at your profile. you love toting that you have a big dick. let me let you in on a little secret: women love quiet confidence. stop chasing women who’d be interested in your big dick. much more satisfaction to hook up with a girl for reasons other than having a big dick. THEN whip it out (when the time is right) and surprise her. when you brag about it, it makes you look like a mark. confidence is the HOTTEST thing in another person. you have a big dick- and only you need to know that. rest assured in the silence that you have the biggest dick of all the land. and a lucky women MIGHT get to see it. don’t whore yourself out. Namaste”

As I read in a article the other day, it was suggested by this woman that men send pics of their dick as a power play.  They do it knowing that we can’t un-see it, and more than likely wouldn’t want to.  If you think about it, it’s not like a dick is a comparison of a beautiful bouquet of gorgeous smelling flowers.  Unless you’re a cougar who’s been locked up in a cage for years, and you’re in your prime, we aren’t going to view your dick pic as fresh meat.  Women’s brains aren’t programmed that way.  Yes there are some freaks out there who LOVE a dick pic, and that’s absolutely awesome.  But for the majority of us, it’s a strike out.  And we’re more than likely going to draw pictures on it and send it to our friends.

Namaste Bitchesssssssss!

And to the mystery man with the penis that hangs down to your knee, and Facebook wall with public posts about how massive your dick is, I apologise.

 

The post A Public Apology For Posting A Picture Of Your Dick appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

If you’re not

A) a woman or,
B) human

then you might not have cellulite.

But, chances are, you are both, therefor having some amount of dimple or ripple.  Some of us have more than others.  diet, genetics, and level of activity all play a part in the amount.  for myself, I’m extremely active.  I work out 6 days a week, eat clean, haven’t drank or done drugs in 7 years, take probiotics and a lot of other supplements, drink pure aloe vera juice every morning (even on an empty stomach), sleep 7 hours on average a night, and more or less love my life.  However, I still find that I have a fair amount of cellulite on the back of my legs.

I know that a majority of it, in my personal situation, is genetic.  I also know that I create a lot of self perceived stress, and stress is the root of all evil in my life lol.  I also know that I take too many stimulants and have jacked up my central nervous system over the past several years.

I write this to remind you that a lot of us forget this simple fact, that most women have it.  It’s just that most of us are not brave enough to post pictures of our ‘realness’ because we’ve been programmed to see it as repulsive, unsightly, and unattractive.  So what most of us see, are images of ‘perfectness’ from every other female out there besides ourselves.  For example, here is a photo of me in the bathroom, from the side.  Looks pretty amazing right? (lol) <little too much side boob, sorry. get over it->

FullSizeRender (11)

 

But from the back with different lighting, it’s a completely different story, isn’t it?

 

FullSizeRender (12)

 

These particular pictures were taken in August, 2015.  For me to get to the above photo, to the below photo, took a lot of ridiculous hard work.  Work that no one should ever have to do (aka, competing in a physique show lol).  I’m talking 45 minutes of fasted cardio every day, strict dieting, and aggressive weight training 5 days a week, for 4 months continuously.

IMG_6533

 

But point being, this didn’t last long. After a few months, the normal cellulite came back, despite the fact that I’m still to this day doing everything that I mentioned in the first paragraph.  So sometimes, this can mess with my head because I forget that

A) I’m a woman, and
B) I’m a human being.

:-)

The post Cellulite: We All Have It appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

How I started a clothing company is not a simple feat.  Let me tell ya!

But, what I can say, is I NEVER saw it turning out the way that it has today.  You see, the problem we have when chasing our dreams, is that we give up simply because things don’t turn out the EXACT way we thought they would.

We do what Mike Dooley calls, “getting caught up in the cursed hows”.

Let me start at the beginning.

2009-2011 I stumbled into the “muscle fetish world” where I discovered an entire planet of men who would pay ridiculous amounts of money to experience some form of female strength  across the globe.  From arm wrestling, to wrestling, to being picked up and carried around, I had first hand experience that strong, powerful women were truly a “thing”, and that perhaps, all the Calvin Klein ads had been lying to me as to what is considered “beautiful” in society.  Ironic that happened to happen to a girl who had spent her entire life hating her body, her powerhouse.  Eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual assault…

2011-2012 I launched a brand called Konfidence By Kortney where I could start making videos empowering women about all the truths I’d learned along the way.  Also sharing my tools from 12 step recovery and battling addiction.  I started realising that women were systematically being programmed by ‘the elite’ to see each other as competition, as well as to keep us preoccupied with being concerned around losing or gaining 5LBS so we’d stay distracted to the issues that mattered the most.  Never mind global warming and women’s rights- be concerned with Kim Kardashian.

I also spent WAY too much time on youtube researching conspiracy theories. (lol)

2013 I started Kamp Konfidence: A prevention based wellness program for teenage girls.  The vision was a world free from all forms of self harm for females.  The mission was the educate with the 5 habits, principles, and lessons that lead to the development of self love.  Then, creating a sisterhood of bonded sisters. www.kampkonfidence.com 

Here is a screenshot of 2013, where I messaged our designer and dear friend, Kelda from Hjello Designs, about creating shirts for the kampers:

SHIRT DOCO

The Kamp was extremely successful.  One of the initiatives we rolled out during Kamp, was this thing called “The Peldge”.  After we did the ‘body awareness’ workshop, where the girls learned the truth behind media and advertising, and listened to Jean Kilburn lecturing with “killing us softly”, the girls would take the pledge in front of their peers, then get a special wristband:

pledge

Kamp K went for a good year and a half, before one of my two partners fell pregnant, and we put it on hold.  I continued to pursue my network marketing business, as I thought THIS was the way I was going to fund Kamp Konfidence. No more relying on outside funding, AND I’d get to empower women to make money on their own terms along the way.  I did however, find out network marketing wasn’t for after a long ass year of trying too hard.

2014 My partner got a “vision” driving home from the office one day about creating a clothing line of athletic wear specific for each sport.  We would have “run like a girl” “hit like a girl”, etc.  5 days later, the #likeagirl campaign rolled out from US based feminine product company, Always .  Next day we went out and registered, “Like A Girl Clothing” pty ltd.  It sat and did nothing for the entire year.

Along the way that year, I started collaborating with a colleague named Jed, about coming up with images of empowerment for Women.  I wanted to start reaching the masses, instead of just 8-10 teenage girls every other weekend in Australia, through Kamp Konfidence.

FullSizeRender (10)

Well, fast forward to August 2015 and that’s when it all happened.   www.grrrl.com

Now, today, we have a massive movement in motion.  Women all over the world are starting to realise that we are meant to be united, aka the #grrrlarmy . Women realise that there is strength in numbers, and that we must fight this war of equality together in order to win.

Below is a photo of our #grrrlarmy members in Texas with our “American GRRRL” muscle tees on, ripping shit up, and playing hard.

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“The Pledge” is now on GRRRL Clothing as a hang tag, available for all females around the world to take and upload a video as documentation when doing the pledge.

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So you see, things didn’t turn out how I initially envisioned in my head.  Along the way they kept changing, but one thing remained the same: I kept showing up with the end result in mind.  The end result of creating a unified group of females, all striving for the same thing.  Judgement free, supportive, loving, and caring.  Empowering one another to be strong, and break free from the programming of “not good enough”.  Helping each other realise our true potential collectively.

I can’t tell you how many times I got upset and thought, “FK THIS! THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN”.  But the truth is, the universe has a plan.  SO as long as we don’t get caught up in how we THINK it’s supposed to work out (the fine detail), it’ll work our eventually.  Keep your vision strong, and your muscles stronger.  And it’ll come to pass.  It might take you 4 years like myself.  It might take you 10.  But if you want it, and you don’t EVER give up, be 110% certain that the Universe has your back.

Namaste Bitchessssssssssss!

and PS, if you ever get a chance to see Mike Dooley do his “playing the matrix” seminar, I highly suggest you do so!

 

The post How I Started A Clothing Company: Manifestation appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

sorry

 

I’ve blogged about this a while back.  But apparently I need to write about it again.  Probably because I spent so many years of my life in the dark in regards to HOW powerful language and spoken word can be, especially on a subconscious level.  Come to think of it, I believe the last time I blogged about this topic, I wrote about the word “just”, and how women in particular need to eliminate this word from our vocabulary as much as possible.

In a nutshell, words we often use, we think have a particular meaning.  Then, after a while, they become habitual, and unnecessary.  Without awareness, we continue using words that aren’t even needed, and instead of getting our point across, they actually have an adverse effect.  For example, the word “just” seems harmless, but often it comes across to others that we feel like we have to justify ourselves for thinking or acting a certain way.  In business particularly, women can damage themselves with the overuse of this word.

Lets say you’re in a board meeting.  Conversations are going around what the next best move is for the company.  A couple of guys start chiming in with their opinion and you strongly disagree.

John: “I don’t think management needs to be policing these departments.”

You: “Can I say something, John?”, “I just don’t think these departments have the right leaders to not need policing from management.”

Instead of answering, “John, I don’t think these departments have the right leaders to not need policing from management.”

Can you see how much stronger the second reply is?

Not only are you not asking for permission to speak, you simply state the facts from your point of view without feeling like you need to justify why- In other words, you bloody matter, and your goddamn opinion is valuable, and doesn’t need justifying.

The same can be said for words like “really” and “very”.  Again, women in particular tend to overuse these words to feel like we need to hit home our point, and be heard.  When in actuality, these words take away from the point you are trying to make.

Your daughter: I beat a boy up at school today for calling my friend Sally a fat pig.

You: “I’m very proud of you Jessica Ann!”

Instead of answer, “I’m proud of you Jessica Ann!”

Can you see how very takes away from being proud?

Now, the whole point of this blog was to write about the word “sorry”.  STOP USING IT.  NOW!

When I was running Kamp Konfidence, and talking and texting to teens on a daily basis, I cannot tell you how many times I found myself repeating myself: “STOP FUCKING SAYING YOU’RE SORRY!  YOU DO NOT OWE ME, OR ANYONE ELSE AN APOLOGY!”.  (and yes, dropping f-bombs when talking to my girls, works for us. I apologise in advance for offending any readers, but I’m sure as shit NOT sorry!)

Lets say I sent my mini me, Courtney a couple of text messages.  I don’t hear back from her for 30 minutes.  When usually, as most teenagers do, respond right away because their phone is in their hand.

Me:  Hey shawty!  How was schoo?  Did you smash that math test or what bissssssssssch!?

Court:  Oh heyyyyyyyyy babe!  Sorry for the slow reply, I was in the shower.

Me: What the fuck are you saying sorry for?  I didn’t know you had to be sorry for taking a shower??????

Court: Oh my gosh!  I never even realised that!

Saying or typing “I’m sorry” without even needing to, subconsciously tells ourselves that we are in a constant state of, once again, needing to justify ourselves, explain ourselves, or any other unnecessary bullshit that takes away from our power.  The word “sorry” has become an empty, meaningless word most often used by people who are prone to speak passive-aggressively.

“Oh- I’m SORRY that you feel that way.  and I’m SORRY that you think I was a bitch to you-”

lol- you see where this is going.  Is that person truly sorry?  NO! Of course not.  Instead of taking responsibility and communicating like a win-win assertive person, and responding (not reacting) with “Oh- I apologise you feel that way.  Is there something I did to cause you to feel I was a bitch to you?  Because it certainly wasn’t intentional, and I’d like to resolve it straight away.  I don’t want to fight with you.  We both deserve to be free from guilt and all that other bullshiiiiiiiiiiit!”.

 

SO!  In conclusion, lets set some things straight:

  1. be mindful/aware when using the words “really” and “very”.  they are not needed most often and actually take away from what you’re aiming to express.
  2. eliminate the words “just” and “sorry” as much as possible.  Instead, if you actually owe an apology for something, say “I apologise”.
  3. pay attention to your self esteem.  when you take time to be aware of your communication style, the words you use, and tell yourself you ARE worthy of great shit, you will attract such.  (and I use the “foul” language from time to time when I write because I want you to know that I am an average woman, with not-so-average strength hahahaha!  I’m not some communications expert with a degree.  I’m simple a woman who wants to empower people to take control of their lives and help them realise that we are ALL worthy)

Namaste Bitchessssssssssssss!

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What’s up y’all!  I should probably be writing this on our GRRRL blog as the MFCEO, but I’ve got too many blogs.  99 problems and a drink ain’t one y’all!  Just my own thoughts causing me insanity!  hahahahaha!  ANYWAYYYYYYYY- thought I’d just share this little conversation I had between myself and one of our amazing GRRRL athletes.  This athlete, whom we’ll call “young blood”, is in her early 20’s, and has just set a number of world records with her powerlifting.

I love the GRRRL movement, and everything that we’re doing.  But I’ve got to tell you-  being a CEO/business person isn’t something I enjoy doing.  I enjoy teaching.  I enjoy connecting with people on a personal level.  Not on a transacting, business level.  I find it boring as bat shit.  (because I’m CERTAIN bat shit is boring….)

ME:     How do you feel? Have you sat down quietly and written or processed your accomplishment

Young Blood:              I’m good. But noooo

  • ME:      ok well time for big sister talk. while youre still in your 20’s, strongly recommend making a point to create small, sustainable little habits now that will help keep you “happy” as you move along. so often we just rush through life, either thinking about the past or the future, and not really sitting in the moment. you’re probs so busy writing back comments to people, people messaging you asking you for advice, people saying “thank you for changing my life, you inspired me etc”. or busy writing back sponsors, or planning your workouts and meets for the next 3 months. your food lolololololol. it’s important that you take time to go inward. like sit down, chill the fuck out for AT LEAST 5 mins, and sit quietly. process your achievements. connect with how it felt to stand up on that podium and take that picture. connect your mind with the emotion, and hold onto it. really burn that shit into your brain. because what happens, is we move so fast through life with so much shit to distract us, that we don’t really grasp the amazing shit we do along the way. like your big sister for example- I STILL haven’t fully come to terms with creating a revolution – I’m too busy working on the next thing. and setting the bar higher and higher. fucking what retreat I’m gonna plan next year. thinking about all the workshops and shit I’ve done with Kamp Konfidence that Im currently not utilising. instead of sitting and saying “holy FUCK! I’ve fundamentally changed 61 teenage girls lives for the better, I”M AMAZING!” I get stuck in that “oh shit what if i forget it all, what if it was a big waste of time? what if someone else does it bigger and better before I get a chance to roll it out again?” BLAH BLAH BLAH! you get where I’m going with this?

    because they don’t teach us this shit in school, it is IMPERATIVE that you learn these little things along the way so YOU can pass them on. otherwise we’re all gonna go crazy! hahahahahaha! and aint NOBODY got time fo dat!  I’m proud of you. (and notice I didn’t use the word “very”. no need to say “very proud” of you. it takes away from the word proud. it doesn’t need any emphasis. I’m fucking proud of you is suitable however.) xo

The post Processing Our Accomplishments appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

Ladies and Gentlemen….

I present to you….. a ticking time bomb.

I don’t have the patience, nor heart to write this blog right now.  But I’ve got to get this out.  My hope is that every parent, every sibling who has a younger sister (or brother for that fact- boys are just as high at risk as girls), or any person who has a friend that is incredibly insecure, shares this blog.

As most of you know, I spent nearly 3 years in the trenches developing and running a program for teenage girls called Kamp Konfidence, out in Australia.  I’ve seen and heard it all-  Times have changed from back in the day when I was in high school.  And although I and my fellow leaders had the same pressures of trying to fit in, and feel worthy, we did not have the issue of social media looming over our heads.  In fact, I believe this is why the educational system has not gotten up to speed with incorporating the appropriate curriculum (such as Kamp Konfidence) into junior high and high schools, because us adults haven’t really grasped the full impact social media is having on young people’s lives.

Today I came across an app that absolutely ripped my bleeding heart from my chest.  I literally became a photoshop expert in a matter of 30 seconds.  Below, you will find before and after photos that I created using an app (which I will not name because I don’t want this shit virus spreading any further than it already has).

The insane part of this little experiment, is that I used to look at these untouched photos I took with a best friend of mine last August, and see beauty.  Now seeing them next to this 30 second app hack wannabe photoshop job, it blatantly draws out all of the shit society deems as “aged”.  I don’t feel as “fresh”.  And the craziest part of it all?  I LOVE MYSELF!  I KNOW beauty is from within.  I’m beautiful because I’m a goddamn GOOD person.  Not because my eyes are shaped like tasty almonds, and my nose like a little button you just wanna squeeze.

But imagine a 14, 12, or even 11 year old girl who is scrolling across social media with ZERO level of self awareness and no idea what self talk is (yet).  How is she going to feel about herself, when someone as Konfident as I am, can look at these side by side and feel negativity run through my veins?  Despite consciously KNOWING it’s not real-

This app allows you to ‘stretch’, slim (makes your face thinner), cover acne/freckles, change tone, smooth (basically airbrush), and finishes off with INSANE filters that give your photos a look of something that just came out of freeze frame scene of The King of Thrones.

 

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Unless you actively are balls deep in the study of the impact ads and media play in our lives, and have your awareness switched onto it 24/7, these 1,000’s of ads we see on a daily basis, wreck havoc on our subconscious.  The mind is all powerful, and for most of us, is something we hardly look into in terms of how it actually works.  That being, how we create beliefs about ourselves, and how powerful our subconscious mind is.

Now, for us women born in the 1990’s and above, great news.  We are already semi scared, and most of us scared.  We ALL have this blueprint belief that we are meant to look like the photo on the left hand side (minus the third one down… screwed that one up lol. it is KILLING my OCD hahahaha!).    However, if from an early age we were brought up without seeing ads repeatedly of what success and beauty looks like, ……………….. you know what?  I’m done writing this.

I’m not feeling it.  AT ALL.  Most of you don’t need me to spell it out.  Please talk to your friends, kids, partner about this.  With apps giving people the ability to photoshop their “selfies” in under 30 seconds with zero skills whatsoever, we are going to see more and more of this ‘flawless’ fake, unachievable world.

If you are going to keep it real, and know that everyone else is waiting for someone else to go first, start using this hashtag.  And if you do post photoshopped photos (which I’m sure at some point in the future I’ll be on the cover of some magazine with RuPaul, and I know they’ll photoshop that shit! lolololol), at the very least take the vow to make a disclaimer.

#therealness

The post Learn Photoshop In 30 Seconds appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

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You know what?  I look DAMN good y’all.

That’s right.  It only took me until I was in my 30’s to figure this shit out.  I’ve been wanting to write this blog for a long time now, but haven’t gotten around to having someone “edit” this photo for the purpose of this blog.  I wanted to use this to point out the before and afters of a classic photoshopped image.

If you zoom in on my butt, you can see a few things:

A blemish/pimple/zit. Whatever you prefer to call it, each one sounds disgusting.

A fold under my left butt cheek.

A semi-circle on the right with what could look like a doughnut with some small nibbles out of it from a house mouse.

And if you get REAL close in, you can even see the hair on my butt.

Other areas that would be touched up would be my face.  All of the creases, dark spots, and veins are right in tact.  It’s funny, sometimes I get a vein that semi protrudes out of my forehead whenever I get excited, laugh too hard, or get tired.

The reason why I’m pointing all this shit out, is because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!

I cannot stand when people say, “perfectly imperfect”.  I realise that we often say stuff without really even stopping to think about what it means.  Just as a female trainer running a group class might say, “and if you find pushups too hard, you can go from your knees and do girl pushups”….

Clearly, she’s not going to say that to a group of people, with a majority more than likely being women (higher numbers of women in group training… we like to travel in packs biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!), intentionally belittling the same women she’s setting out to improve!  It’s just her programming causing her to regurgitate these words.  We ALL do it!
I remember sometime last year I watched Quenton Teratino (sorry not sorry about the spelling- I’m not his biggest fan) latest film… Hateful 8?  Anyway, there was a scene when a carriage pulling horses pulled up to a cabin and stopped, and a man came outside and said to the other guy driving the horses, “WOAH! hold your horses! HOLD YOUR HORSES!!!!!”.

I was like, “HOLY SHIT!  SO THAT’S WHERE ‘hold your horses’ CAME FROM! IT LITERALLY MEANT HOLD YOUR HORSES FROM BACK IN THE DAY!  IT’S NOT JUST SOME RANDOM SHIT MY MOM USED TO SAY TO ME WHEN I WAS ‘RUSHING’ HER!!!!!”……………….

I digress…..

The next time you go to call your perfect fucking self, “perfectly imperfect”, have a long hard think about what you’re actually saying.  Because at the end of the day, there is NOTHING IMPERFECT ABOUT ANY OF US!  The only reason why any of us think we are “imperfect” is because of the illusion that photoshop has created of what a “perfect” and “flawless” woman looks like.  When in reality  she doesn’t look like anything, because she doesn’t exist!

rant over.

Namaste Bitchessssssssss!
#GRRRLarmy
#Fphotoshop
#Fgenderroles
#notyourcompetition
#unity
#Gquals
#equality
#GRRRLSTRONG

photo credit: Tchalla Hawk. The bestie who’s been helping me pioneer the truth revolution since 2008-

The post A Real GRRRL: NO Photoshop appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

IMG_0454

 

So this happened yesterday…..

We were stopped, getting ready to turn across the road, and some bloke on his scooter bashed into the side of our car.  The challenge with that is, when you live in Thailand, if you’re white, no matter what the circumstances are (generally speaking), you’re more than likely at fault.

We immediately got out of the car and were relieved to see the driver get up straight away.  Then out of nowhere some elderly looking man wearing some kind of security uniform came shuffling over to ‘assess’ the damage.  Once the guy got up, picked up his scooter, and saw there was no damage, he then walked over to our car, pointed at the damage, shrugged his shoulders, then motioned with his hands for us to “move along”.

I was livid.  On top of a heap of others emotions.  I was relieved that this man was OK.  I was confused because how could he have not seen us?  I was shocked-

We then got in the car, and pulled into the parking lot and sat in silence for about 5 minutes.

I then realised how vulnerable I felt.  Here we are in a country where most people don’t speak English.  There is no real judicial system like in the west.  After all, I just read a story on the BBC yesterday of a woman receiving 26 years in jail for typing the equivalent of the word “ok” or “I see” in Thai, in response to a post her political activist son wrote on Facebook in regards to the King. I’ve been told that Phuket specifically has had a lot of corruption amongst their police, and have moved the military in to address it.  However, I hear stories all the time of white people having to buy their way out of miscellaneous traffic offences.

All of yesterday afternoon and evening, I was irritated AF.  Getting 2 hours of sleep the night before wasn’t helping either.  However, when I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was pray for guidance.  I prayed for clarity.  Then, off I went to train at my second home, unit 27.  After having an amazing ass kicking session by Frankie, I was driving home when the clarity hit.

So you ready for the clarity?  It’s a message you’ve heard me preach time and time again.  Especially when I was labeled the “ex fetish porn star” in global headlines in 2012.  Ya’ll remember THAT!  http://konfidencebykortney.com/work/kortney-olson-missed-pornstar-pay-check/

But the message still remains the same:  WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE- BE A VICTIM OR BE A VICTOR, and my favourite spiritual tool remains the same: ACCEPTANCE. 

I can either sit here and feel pissed off, and vulnerable, or I can do something about it.  I can either chose to accept that this is the way this country works.  Or I can move- SIMPLE.  So what am I going to do about it?  I’m going to take my ass to a language school today.  And I’m going to accept that this is how shit rolls over here.  If I grew up here, I would probably be trying to hustle tourists too.

I nearly forgot the other main reason of this blog!  The things we take for granted….. I never realised how much I enjoy interacting with people.  Especially strangers.  I’m an extrovert.  And when I can’t communicate with others, I feel isolated. In conclusion, count your blessings baby!  When you go to the post office, bank or grocery store today, make sure you say hi to whomever is helping you.  Use their name and make a point to ask how their day is going- You’ll transform both of your days.  And if you plan on moving to Thailand, make sure you have insurance of all sorts.

Namaste Bitchesssssss

The post Things We Take For Granted appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

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What’s up y’all!?

Wow- so clearly I have some deep shit going on in regards to the above screenshot from my Mom.  Just from glancing at this, I got a little teary eyed again.  As you’ve probably gathered from the title of this post, I’m going to give you a short and sweet rant on ‘how to forgive your parents’.  Or, in a lot of people’s cases, parent.

For those of you who’ve been following me for years, you’d have some background on my upbringing.  My mom and I have had an interesting relationship over the years, to say the least.  Growing up, she was sick AF in her illness/dis-ease of alcoholism.  No breach of confidentiality here people.  My mom and I come from the same page; We’re both open books when it comes to the topic.  After all, they say that alcoholism is potentially part genetic, and part learned behaviour.

Without going into my life herstory, understand a lot of us have a significant amount of mommy or daddy issues.  It’s rare that you meet someone who claims their “childhood was perfect”, and “Mom and Dad are my heroes”.

The interesting thing about our relationships with our parents, is one that most people aren’t even aware of.  From the ages of 0-8 , we’re the most vulnerable when it comes to creating beliefs about ourselves, as well as when we create most of our beliefs about the world around us.  Society, teachers and other influentials, play a decent role during those ages, but a significant amount of our beliefs (how we view the world), comes directly from our parents.  Again, most of us have a lot of issues on a subconscious level that we aren’t aware of.

Growing up with an alcoholic parent in my case, meant a lot of cray-cray times.  By  9, my parents split up.  I lived with my mom for a few years, until she moved out to whoop whoop with her pot growing boyfriend (bless his soul- RIP Marty).  I then moved in with dad, and his new remarried family.  By time I got to high school, my mom ended up living part time down the street from us.  She was the ‘cool mom’ and bought my friends and I alcohol in high school.  It wasn’t an every day event, but occasionally we’d party with mom.  This continued on through college after my mom ended up living in the same town.  Every time I’d drink with my mom, I’d lose my shit and start yelling at her for being such a horrible parent.  In between drunken sobs I’d shout out, “Do you remember that one time when I was 9 and you passed out on thanksgiving and I had to finish cooking fucking dinner?!”.

You catch my drift….

When I was deep in MY addiction/alcoholism around the age of 20, my mom went to rehab.   Soon after, right after I turned the legal drinking age of 21, I followed in her footsteps.  Years later, she and I THEN developed a pill addiction together.  #codependent……
Like I said, we’ve had an interesting relationship.  Although it was often turbulent, deep down I’ve always loved my mom.  I’ve always felt a strong connection with her.  It wasn’t until I turned 30, that I realised the best way I could forgive and love my mom, was to accept her as she is.  Instead of try and change her, I would love/accept her for all her crazy quirks and focus on the great things she instilled in me when growing up.  The forgiveness part came when I realised that she’s still trying to deal with her own childhood-

Anyway, my point is this: Our parents are doing the best that they possibly can, given the tools that they currently have.  It’s not like we come blasting out of the vagina with a “how-to” manual.  Often, our parents are STILL trying to deal with their own shit from ages 0-8, let alone trying to set a good example for us.  And the craziest part about it all, is that most have no clue what shit they’re even trying to process and cope with!

With that being said, it is up to us to break the cycle of hurt.  Or, at least that’s what I used to tell the teenage girls from our program Kamp Konfidence.  So many of them show up with issues, directly stemming from childhood.  And of course, their parents have not a conscious clue that they’ve had any kind of impact on how/why their daughter has turned out the way she has.

However, as soon as these girls realised that their parents are doing the best that they possibly can, given the tools they were handed down, they were able to move past the anger, and focus on how to be the best person they could be.  In turn, pave the way for the future generations after them.

Parenting is no joke.  It’s a full-time, underpaid, hard AF job.  It’s in our best interest to recognise that our parents are doing the best they can, given the tools they have.  Even the parent who beats his or her child, most often has some level of love.  They’re just lacking the tools to express their anger and feelings aside from violence.

Hmmmmmmmmmm- I hope this made sense on some level.  My jet lag is kicking my father f**king ass y’all!  (ps- you ever wonder why it has to be the mother who’s getting fu*ked?!) But remember, our number one core need as human beings, is to be loved and receive love.

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From the point of view of the victim, is domestic violence an addiction?

First of all, it’s a bit screwed up, that here we’re in the year 2016, and we’re STILL talking about domestic violence.  Is it safe to say, “WHAT THE ACTUAL F++K!!!”?  I mean, look how far we’ve come in the past 20 years……….

EVOLTION

Excuse me while I go off topic for a moment-

Think back to the car your parents drove around when you were growing up-  For some of us, those cars had 8-track players as the audio/media source.  Some had cassette tapes!  And then there are those of us who can only say they’ve experienced compact discs, aka “cd’s”!
Fast forward to today, and WOW!  WE DON’T EVEN NEED A DAMN CORD TO PLUG OUR SHIT IN!  We can wirelessly stream our PHONES to the stereo of our AUTOMOBILE!

Which brings me to my second example: YOUR CELL PHONE!
Dude- I remember back IN THE DAY my Mom was SUCH a pimp!  Her dope-growing boyfriend, who I loved dearly (RIP Marty), had a BAG PHONE!  Yeah!  You know the one… where the shit plugged into the 9-volt outlet of your vehicle to get the party started!  Literally holding a bag, with a wire that connected off it, to talk into a handheld receiver!  Wood chuck to grey squirrel ! hahahahahahahaha!

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You get my point…. Just one look at our current world, and EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT AND EVOLVED.  The largest taxi company (uber) doesn’t own any cars, and the largest hotel company (airB&B) doesn’t have any hotels!  YET,  we haven’t evolved on Women’s rights.  And I’m not talking about rights where equality is concerned.  I’m talking about GOD GIVEN RIGHTS OF SAFETY.

We are STILL living in a barbaric time, where the state of Oklahoma can pass a law where by if a victim is unconscious, then oral sex is not considered rape, and a time when men STILL think it’s OK to bash women.

(the face you make when being interviewed regarding #rooshthedouche from return of the kings)

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Before I go on, I want to add a note:  To any man reading this, who believes it is OK to bash the shit out of your wife, girlfriend, or date- You are not at fault.  Whoever raised you needs a swift kick in the CU$T.  (yeah, I said it-  I’m tired of playing around the bush… (no pun intended))

You are not at fault, but it is time to accept some responsibility and break your jacked up cycle.  Or- pack your shit and get OUT son!

This brings me to the whole point of this blog.  “Pack your shit and get OUT”………..

Now, here we are, circling back to the opening line: Is domestic violence an addiction?

It’s odd how sometimes things take a LONG time to sink in for me.

I’m not someone who has experienced domestic violence myself.  Sexual assault on the other hand, I can easily chime in on.  But when it comes to a man laying hands on me, and me sticking around for more than one go at it? Not in my book.  Therefor, when it comes to this topic, I’m not the best to discuss with.

Why is that?  Because, I don’t have the experience!  Or, do I? (getting there, keep reading)

The first time I was exposed to domestic violence was through a best friend in high school.  She started dating a guy who was a couple of grades ahead of us.  He was a “bad boy”.  Without going into too much detail, he used to threaten her all the time.  As far as I know, he never actually laid hands on her, but there was definitely pushing and shoving happening.  She would break up with him, swear him off, then ALWAYS wind up getting back together with him.  I could never understand it.  Until now….

I’ve never had any family members, or other close friends in my adult life come to me with this issue, until recently.  Since I stop and take regular inventory of myself: My actions, behaviours, goals, etc.  I can see that my response SUCKS!

The response in my head, towards a recent friend who returned to a partner who has a history of abusing her verbally and physically, was this: “What the FUCK is wrong with you!  You KNEW that he was going to do this AGAIN!  I give up!  I don’t know how to help!”…..

Then the hammer dropped-

The hammer dropped, and I realised that this is EXACTLY how people would respond towards me when it came to drugs and alcohol!!!  Or when society responds to drug addicts and alcoholics.  “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”  “YOU KNEW IT WAS GOING TO GET YOU INTO TROUBLE AGAIN” “I GIVE UP!” “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU”.

Well, well, well…… have a look at THAT!  There are extremely similar parallels when it comes to Is domestic violence not the same as drug and alcohol addiction?  We SWEAR IT OFF till the cows come home, “I’ll never touch that shit again, I SWEAR!”.  The shame and remorse are too unbearable.  I feel horrible.  THEN the emotions and fear set it, and we FUCKING PICK UP AND DO IT AGAIN!  The fear of not being good enough, being alone, being empty…. Or, like with domestic violence, the fear of not finding someone to love us, being alone, being empty, fear of him coming back so we better play nice……

WE PICK UP AND DO IT AGAIN, KNOWING!!!!!! WE KNOW THAT THIS TIME IT’S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT!  THIS TIME WE HAVE A HANDLE ON IT.  WE HAVE CHANGED.  WE CAN CONTROL IT!

Not knowing, that the only thing we can control is ourselves.  We are powerless when it comes to drugs and alcohol.  We are powerless when it comes to being back in the same shitty relationship. Although we 110% BELIEVED things would be different this time around……..

Do you know what the definition of insanity is according to Einstein?  Repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.  

So what is it?  There is no chemical component with domestic violence like there is with drugs and alcohol, right?  Or is there??????  What about the rush of making up.  Who here can agree that make-up sex is THE BEST!  The feeling of hope and reconciliation.  The passion………

But is it worth your life?  Is that high from smoking that last bowl of crystal meth worth your life?  As he holds you by the throat and with 110% power, smashes his knuckles against your face, breaking your jaw and teeth?  Potentially causing permanent brain damage?

I don’t think so-

So then, why don’t you “just stop”.

lol.  Because we can’t “just stop” once we start.

One thing I can say with 110% conviction, is you are not alone, and that the best form of support is to be around other people who have been where you are, and have made it out the other side.  Just as with drug and alcohol addiction, none of us STAY clean and sober on our own.  It’s a WE thing.  Not a ME thing.  You need to break the cycle, in my experience.  Stay off him, your drug of choice.  And plug into a support group.

In conclusion, until you experience something for yourself, you have ZERO right to judge someone else’s experience.  Just as I know from drug and alcohol addiction, it is not a matter of “will power”.  We are not ‘weak people’.  

Now that I’ve seen the correlation between addiction and domestic violence, I understand that there is some level of mental illness happening.  And all that means, is we all have mental health. And the opposite of health, is illness.  Abusing yourself via drugs and alcohol, or abusing yourself by going back into a toxic, and most often fatal relationship, is not healthy.  The best way out of illness, in my experience, is through the support and care of other people who are from your tribe.  People who have been there, done that, and have found a way out the other side.  They have zero interest in the things you have, the car you drive, or the job you possess.  They only have interest in helping you get safe.  Because people who have been to hell and back, want to help others find their way, because being of service and of purpose, is the best feeling known to man.

And you, you father fugging CRAZY WARRIOR BITCH- DESERVE TO BE SAFE AND TO BE LOVED.

 

 

The post Is Domestic Violence An Addiction? appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

7 steps depression

 

Funny day, really.  I’m a bit grumpy, and over life in a general sense. lololololololololol.  It took me quite a while to realise that the reason why I’ve been so shitty the past almost 2 weeks, is because I’m not sleeping through the night.  The air con in our bedroom broke a while back, and apparently I’m unable to sleep solid when my tits are sweating profusely.  hahahahahaha!

Earlier this afternoon, I was sitting on the couch with my laptop table, trying my best to wade through my list.  On top of running an international clothing line with little experience, little cash (everyone said “you need millions to start a clothing line”. they were wrong, but now I understand why they said it lol), and little sleep, I was doing my best to answer “fan mail” (I dislike typing/saying that because I sound like SUCH a douche) on my personal brand’s Facebook page.

Doing my best to quickly sift through the messages that ask for my hand in marriage, tell me I’m TOTALLY fuck-able, how sexy my thighs and ass are, and of course the occasional dick pic (blog being served on that topic next so stand by), to find the few that would be asking for help on how to win the battle with addiction or alcoholism, depression, and the like.  And of course any messages from other females.  That shit is like ice cream on a hot summer day.  What was once a rarity, is now starting to become the norm (grrrls reaching out to other grrrls to unite, pay respect, ask for help, etc.  VIVA LA REVOLUTION BITCHESSSSSSS!)

Already annoyed that I’m feeling over-tired, hungry (OK, basically hangry at this stage) and running out of time, I reluctantly replied to a message I had already replied to earlier in the week. This message was about someone looking for some ‘feedback’.  Long story short, this guy was battling depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, but has a young daughter keeping him here.

I started writing back, and then said, “ugh! too much to type…. you’re making me want to start a Facebook live right now on this topic, but I’m sitting here in my underwear sweating like a hog lololol” ….

I started out by telling him that A) 5 out of 10 people have the same thoughts nowadays and that he is not alone or unique by any stretch of the mile, and that B) “they” want to keep us all in a perpetual state of unhappiness so we continue to buy shit we don’t need, take drugs we don’t need, and consume everything else under the sun to try to fill the void.

I was attempting to tell this person my life story, and how many times I wanted to blow my head off being a slave to addiction, or being fearful that I had no path or purpose, or being afraid that I’d never make enough money to do the things in life I wanted to, or consumed with sadness because I hated my job and felt like life was not worth getting out of bed…. to then falling down the rabbit hole of conspiracies, and how that woke me up, but put me into a space of fear.  To then becoming empowered, and realising that at the end of the day we are all souls just having a human experience and that life is but an illusion.  I asked him if he’d ever watched the matrix, and explained that the movie is basically a depiction of our lives as human beings.

I told him that it took me a long ass time to grasp the concept that this life is an illusion.  I first read that in a book called “The 4 Agreements” by Miguel Ruiz back when I was in high school.  I remember thinking “what the fuck is this guy on about?”.  OK- that is a straight up lie, because that is FULL Aussie talk right there.  In high school, my thought would have sounded more like, “I wonder what this guy is talking about?  This book is pretty airy fairy”.

Anyway-

After explaining hits of things in the most ADHD manner possible, leaving out massive parts of my life that have contributed to my sanity and “konfidence”, aka finding self love- parts such as implementing the 12 steps of recovery into my life, staying clean and sober, and every book, blog video, and learning experience along the way, I then got straight to it, and started typing “The 7 Steps To Kicking Depression”.

(I decided to put that epic shit in purple in honour of Prince)

As you can see from the screen shot, I was throttled to see that my unconscious competence started flowing out from within.  All these 7 tools I use in my life regularly, as well as deliver to people who are in need of growing on a personal or professional level.  But I’ve never strung them together and used them as a process to kicking depression!

Funny enough, the 7th step is what I did here today: Be of service to someone else.  

Although I was tired, hangry, had heaps of “work” to do, and other people to reply to, by taking the time to help someone else without any expectation of getting something in return, I unpacked some unconscious competence, and now have a framework to give to others to practically and strategically find some inner peace in their lives.

And wouldn’t ya know it, come to find out, my favourite artist in the world was one of the world’s biggest humanitarians there ever was.  We just didn’t find out until after he passed.  After I roll these 7 steps out to my #GRRRLARMY on Sunday (Monday in Thighland/Australia), I’ll come back and write a blog on it so the rest of y’all can get some relief too, if you want/need it.

Namaste Bitchessssssssss!

 

 

The post Creating “The 7 Steps To Kicking Depression” appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

While compiling information and drafting “part 2” and the ending of my last entry: ‘what happens when the guy you’re seeing just can’t’ I smashed out this little banger because I had a few epiphanies 😉

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Can I be honest? I was just reading over my last blog post and I feel like a complete dick. I feel like a dick because I wrote about putting so much into liking someone else… And in that I’ve realised, in being vulnerable, I’ve forgotten how secure I need to be within my own person- especially when I’ve decided to wait who knows long for something that may not even happen (but I’m very hopeful 😘) – ie a relationship with C.

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They say what’s happened to you in your past affects who you are today and how you view things: Fact.
This past few weeks I’ve found my insecurity getting the best of me and a little bit of jealousy seeping through the tight walls I THOUGHT I had built, in being hurt over and over again. My secure sense of self was diminished. And I literally felt myself spiralling in these new whimsical feelings, however not allowing myself to fully be present as I was constantly thinking about the future and worrying about “what I would do if (insert crazy situation here)” and it was only upon talking to a friend who is also male to make me realise… This kind of thinking will always make a male back the fuck off.

I also strongly believe the way we react to what’s in front of us, is by extracting parts of our past and gluing it together for an ‘appropriate’ response- and by ‘parts’ I mean the GOOD and the BAD. For instance, I was in a situation where I was seeing an older guy- let’s call him M. So we started as friends with benefits, we hung out ALL the time like 3 sleepovers a week. And he was never wanting the ‘label’ like ever. Absolutely not. But the vibe was there. Everyone said M was the ‘eternal bachelor’. And One day we woke up and he said ‘nope don’t want this anymore. Let’s be friends though.’ So I got to sit back and watch him go out with other girls, his house was on the way to work, so I’d drive past on my way to work and see different girls’ from the town’s cars out the front. A part of me believes that if I had of gotten the “label” that it wouldn’t have happened. So my reaction to C not wanting the label right now…. Makes me think back to this time with M. It makes my skin crawl… Even the THOUGHT of C sleeping with anyone else just like the times I saw girl’s cars outside of M’s house. Even though c has told me he’s not seeing other people, my reaction to the ‘not having a label’ thing is the same as when I was being shut out by M. I feel like sometimes I’m on edge and I don’t know how to trust- because really, all we have is a benchmark of all the shitty relationshippy encounters we’ve had before OR we see the outside of what our friends have relationship wise. That’s ALL.

It’s hard to learn to trust someone new. It’s even harder to trust someone of the opposite sex when you’re so used to being shit on over and over again (great analogy ha!). I’ve now realised trust goes way beyond keeping secrets. Trust is HARD. And it’s a process.

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Now, I’ve never been someone to take things slow- I’m all about instant satisfaction and going like a bull at a gate. But this time, I’m learning patience.
I choose to wait with patience and with trust as I learn it day by day and take things as they come. I really just need to chill the fuck out and just realise that I know enough about C to know that if he didn’t want to talk to/ see me he would NOT. As I said in my last blog, I personally feel that he does what he can with what he’s got within his boundaries. And the truth of the matter is: I like him more than he likes me, simply because he’s not looking for the ‘label’ like I am right now…

But I end this intermission-style blog entry, the same Way I ended the last one; by signing off and saying that I’ll keep waiting around and keep tracking the mini wins for my own brain bank 😇. Oh, and just to learn to chill the fuck out and learn to trust a little more. Xo

‘Find a man who treats you like a queen.’ – A statement girls everywhere out there tell their girlfriends, and their girlfriends tell them… But what happens when a guy your seeing just CAN’T?

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Meeting (or, to be more specific, catching feelings for) my guy, C, was one of the most unexpected things to happen when I swapped locations for my job. At the start, he was NOT what I would usually go for, actually the complete opposite to my ‘type’ but I felt the vibe and just went for it. However, knowing nothing about him, we agreed to the ‘friends with benefits’ thing… Even though (being a woman AND and empath) the vibe and chemistry I was feelin’ was likely to turn into THE FEELS. Which, of course, they did…. Before we had even started being friends with benefits.

Now, I straight out told him I was feeling it, and I said to him ‘there’s not a doubt in my mind that you don’t feel the same way too’. This conversation sparked one of the 500 conversations of ‘THE TALK’ we’ve had so far (it’s only been like 3 months? But that’s just me!!) where he initially told me ‘nope no way never going to happen’. But I stuck to my guns and persevered through it all and just stood back and waited, all while the regular insecurities set in AND he left his job at DJ’s where we both worked. Spark MAJOR insecurity and anxiety and abandonment issues (ha!) So fast forward a month and we’re hanging out and talking more than we did when we worked together: phone calls to one another 3 times a day minimum, shit talking, advice giving, crying and stressing over silly shit (me) and catching up to do poor people things since we are both so broke right now.

ANYWAY, back to the queen treating. I’ve written before about knowing that a man likes you by how much effort they put in- this STILL stands! But, don’t get me wrong, everyone is different. Also, sometimes clingy men are REALLY fkn annoying! My guy is still fresh-ish out of a long term relationship, which involved a young child… And a partner who hurt the poor muffin. Now, I know there are two sides to every story, but from my end and my understanding, the last relationship DEFINITELY impacts on any future partnerships… Especially in the early days of being single. (It also explains the slow pace of this ‘relationship’ haha!) I wasn’t expecting myself to get feelings for C at all… Let alone want him to be my boyfriend (which I’ve vowed to wait around for while he gets his own stuff together). Some may say I’m stupid. Even sometimes I think I’m stupid myself for waiting around for a guy…. A guy who sometimes distances himself. A guy who admits to insecurity. A guy who is no good with romance or affection. A guy who has 2 children. But so be it.

Everyone is different. Sometimes, when a man puts all he has into a relationship- all of his heart and soul, thinking ‘this is the one’, only to be told ‘I love you, but I am not IN LOVE with you anymore’ – the way he approaches a ‘next’ relationships is surely going to be a lot different than the way he approached the first one. He is going to be sitting there thinking ‘if I put all of my love and effort, heart and soul into a relationship the first time around and ended up putting my life into 2 suitcases and being crushed with that reality… Then fuck that!’ And I get it. I fucking get it. His whole definition of the word ‘girlfriend’ is changed. Tainted. Damaged. Ruined. So, it is only natural to back off a little when another girl is chasing you and wants to be your girlfriend. Fact, he won’t be out there treating you like a queen just yet. You, my dear, have to be the one to treat him like a king. Because as I said before, EVERYONE is different. Sometimes, our partner or potential partner speaks a different LOVE LANGUAGE to us. And that’s ok!

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By ‘love language’ I mean the way we express love. Some say it, some express it through affection or other gestures… Like ‘treating a woman like a queen.’
But sometimes, when you see something in someone you have never seen in someone else, and you have basically everyone in your life begging you to give the fuck up on your guy but you still continue to wait because you know it will be good when you get there, you take the mini wins. Like him answering the phone when he’s with the kids to talk for 5 minutes… Or him just calling to ask how your day is… Or him just holding your hand while walking around the lake when you know he hates hand holding, or him opening up little by little, or him expressing that he trusts you… Those mini wins are my favourite.

It’s important to redefine the ‘girlfriend’ label to guys who have been hurt, and who’s trust has been damaged. And to be honest, I can’t wait to show C just how different I am and how different I can be, to completely turn the ‘girlfriend’ label on its head and create only a positive experience for him…. Stay tuned beautiful! X

 

What’s up y’all!  I know it’s been ages since I blogged.  It’s like I’ve been in a perpetual state of writers block for months.  Or suffering from a massive case of ICBB.  (I can’t be bothered)

Today was an interesting day.  Most of you have been following me from the early 2008 days when I was blogging as ‘all natural ko’.  You may recall my first photoshoot with Tchalla Hawk way back in the day.  Well, today we shot for the umpteenth time in a row.  Every year we get better.  He knows when I’m going to blink, and I know I’m going to roll my eyes when he tells me to run for a photograph.

It’s weird to think back at how much I’ve changed on a personal level.  I’m somewhat confused nowadays.  Almost like I’m losing my identity a tiny bit.  Going from someone who flaunted her body around with pride from all of my hard work, and doing photoshoots primarily for a male audience who were ‘into’ female muscle, to now somewhat strictly focusing on empowering women, can be a complicated business.

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On one had, I feel like women can do, be, say, and act however they want and not get judged for it.  If I want to post a photo of myself in a thong leotard, with my asscheeks hanging out, then so be it.  But on the other hand, and especially after spending time with one of our 8 year old athletes a few weeks ago during our last GRRRL photo shoot, I’m not entirely sure what the hell I’m doing.

I know a lot of you, my readers (“my”… you know what I’m saying….) are here because you love female muscle.  I also know that a lot of you are here because you’ve enjoyed my journey.  You’ve enjoyed my years of spilling my truths.  You’ve watched me go from ‘muscle fetish godess’ where I blogged about how mind blown I was to discover this ‘muscle fetish’ world.  A world where men wanted to pay me 400-500 an hour to experience my strength in various ways, or worship certain muscle groups, WITHOUT sex- and yet, I’d spent my ENTIRE life trying to make my legs smaller so I could achieve the look of a Calvin Klein model or Kate Moss.  You read my distraught thoughts, and disbelief.  You read how I kicked so and so’s ass on the mats.  Or arm wrestling.  You also read about my real life experiences happening at the same time, such as me admitting to you that I’d been high on oxycontin for the past year, along with posting that photo of me crying on my blog.

You read about my journey in moving to Australia.  You read about my journey in being bullied by the mainstream media where I was labeled an “ex fetish porn star” while my husband was the CEO of a national rugby team.  You read my heartbreak and victory all in the same day, after being told by Big Brother Big Sister that I couldn’t mentor for them, and instead decided to launch Kamp Konfidence.  You THEN read all about my experiences with Kamp Konfidence.  You even read how I thought starting a MLM business (isagenix) was how I was going to fund Kamp K since I couldn’t get a church or any other institution to give me a cent because of my google wrap sheet.  You then read about my highs and lows during comp prep after deciding to get back into competing since I walked out on it and 2011 to instead pick up BJJ and crossfit.

And finally, you’ve read about launching a revolutionary clothing line called GRRRL.

And now, today, I can say that shit has changed.  and thank Goddess it has-  I’m fortunate to have this blog, and to have learned tools in 12 step recovery like taking my inventory on a daily basis (or at least do my best to…. sometimes I may go a few weeks before I stop and write in my journal.  or months, as you know, before I blog again)…

But it’s through taking an inventory, I can realise things like today being a very unusual photoshoot.  Normally, I’m doing everything possible to flex muscles.  To show as much skin as possible.  To look ripped up and buff.  It’s been my driving force for as long as I can remember.  But today, knowing that I’m somewhat morphing into a “lady” … ok, more like a GRRRLlady, was a really weird feeling.  I’ve never done a photoshoot with the intension of just ‘being’.

Finding that balance between being 110% OK with being soft and feminine (and I might add, this is an ongoing process.  Finding self love is NEVER done, in my experience. For me, there are highs and lows.  Like taking pre workout with DMMA or without it- some days you’re cracked out, and some days not so much <<lol>> ).  I’m still able to exude strength and power, without flexing or being ripped up.  It doesn’t have to be LOUD.  It can be silently spoken.  I like to use the analogy of Holly and Rhonda’s demonstrated personality last November.  Holly didn’t need to say a single word.  I don’t need to be in a sports bra to show off my arms.  You CAN SEE THAT SHIT though those sleeves.  <lol> But, strength doesn’t always come in the way of muscle.  It comes in being humble.  It comes from having integrity.  It comes from endeavouring to empower ALL females, even when they are acting like a bag of dicks.   It’s continuing to fight for your mission and vision, without stopping no matter WHAT-

After seeing myself in dresses, and some dresses that weren’t really flattering whatsoever, I was somewhat surprised to find myself not feeling disgusted with myself.  As most of you know, if I don’t see visible muscles on myself, I feel un-attractive.  Hence, why I was driven to launch Kamp Konfidence, and now GRRRL.

It’s crazy- I have so much IP after running Kamp Konfidence.  All of the stuff I taught to teenage girls, is completely applicable to women.  I’m happy we put it down to launch grrrl, because I truly feel that the two are meant to be intertwined.

I see so many other women who have had the SAME exact experiences and hardships as I, and know that they will make amazing facilitators for Kamp.  I enjoy being the MFCEO at the moment, but soon I’ll be ready to hit the road. My heart is sharing and teaching.  I am ready to share this IP with females across the globe.  Teaching them the 5 habits, lessons and principles that lead to the development of self love.

It’s time to change the game.  Just as I can now morph into being photographed in dresses and be OK with seeing myself not defined with bulging muscles, women across the world now have confirmation (that there are HEAPS of other women who “get it”) and permission to unleash their inner beast, safety (because you know there’s safety in numbers), and collectively find self acceptance and awareness, and finally, self love.  Collectively-

Wow…. this blog is a hot mess.  Now knowing that I have more women on my side than men (you know I love the men…. and most days I think I am one lol!), I feel like my mission has finally hit a tipping point.  I feel like we’re moving forward, full steam ahead.  I cannot wait to start filling auditoriums full of women, and sharing ALL of the information and experiences that I’ve had to help them (you) move forward in your journey in finding joy.

I love you grrrl.  And of course, all of you mens out there who have undoubtedly supported me year after year.

xoKO

The post First “Normal” Photoshoot appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.

It’s almost 10pm here in Phuket, and let me tell you: It’s been one weird ass day.  I can’t recall the last time I had such a low and such a high in the same 5 hour period.  This must be what  bipolar feels like….

First off, the day kinda disappeared into nowhere.  By 6pm my husband and I were ready to get out of the house.  We decided we were going to go check out what “a massage by a blind person” was all about.  In Phuket, there is a massage joint about every block.  Often, 2 in 1 block is not uncommon, but a massage by a blind person?  Hadn’t experienced that one yet.  We pulled out of the driveway, and turned the corner.  About halfway down the neighbouring street to us, we see a woman in the street on her knees getting bashed by a man.

Now, over the past nearly 6 years, my Husband and I have come across a handful of incidents were we thought we may have smelt foul play.  Often it was when we were leaving an event later in the evening, and happened to walk past a bar on our way back to the car.  Most times, there would be some kind of drunken lovers drama, but nonetheless, if a man seemed to be getting aggressive in the slightest bit, he and I would step in.  Never have we had to get physical.

Tonight was a bit different.  This man, who wasn’t too much bigger than the woman (minus his beer gut), was standing in the street with a can of something in his right hand, and a belt in his left.  We stopped in the middle of the street about 100 feet before them.  Looking around, there was only one other person outside, who happened to be a man washing his truck.  He didn’t seem to pay attention whatsoever to this ‘situation’.

As we crept closer, we watched this man kick this woman in the face with a front kick, then proceed to whip her with his belt.  She wasn’t crying, or making any noises.  As we got closer, I could see he had a phone in the same hand that had the belt.  At first it almost looked like he was recording the whole thing, but then it appeared like he was showing her evidence of something.  My husband and I sat there in shock.

The woman got up and walked off, then was whiped back into getting on her knees.  Still, no cries for help.  We started to put the car in park.  My husband said to me, “you ready to show this cunt what a woman can do?”.  Now in any normal situation, and normal meaning in a western, first world country where English is the first language, I’d already been out of the car running down the street.  But for some reason, my intuition said “stay put”.

I said, “no.  wait.”.  We sat there for a second and I quickly explained why we needed a plan B this time.  I dialled what I thought was the equivalent of 911 or 000, but no one answered.  I then directed him to drive back around the block and pull in front of the landlords house, except we weren’t entirely sure which house it was.  Then, I decided to call the agent who let us the house we’re renting.  I quickly explained to her what we had just witnessed and said, “is this normal for your country?”.  In her half broken English, she replied, “this normal”.

We drove off.  Both of us feeling sick.  Selfish.  Defeated.  Angry.  Upset.  and like a traitor.

After about 10 minutes of driving in silence, I got a hold of a local girlfriend who’s from Australia, but has lived here for the past few years.  She concurred that we did the best thing and that if the situation got out of hand, the cops will always help the locals.  Furthermore we could have been deported, insert etc etc etc.

For the next hour, I sat in cold blooded anger.  I also justified the “why’s”.  Living a block away from this guy, and knowing that this type of behaviour is serial, I doubt us intervening would have helped the situation.  Also another friend that I’ve met today, messaged me back and said that he’s known guys who’ve been stabbed for intervening.

So by this stage, I HATE this place.

Fast forward an hour, and we’re laying down getting a massage each by a blind man.  My guy was a bit younger, and my Husband’s guy was a bit older, but funny AF!!!! At one stage, he partially said “u o-ta mayt?”.  In other words, my husband was holding his breath, so the guy asked him if he was OK.  My husband struggled to say “yes”, and I lost my shit.  I started laughing, then the old man started laughing, then MY guy started laughing at the same time my husband started laughing, and we couldn’t stop.  We all 4 sat there and laughed so goddamn hard, I thought I was going to puke.

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I hadn’t laughed that hard since the last laughter yoga session I led nearly 2 years ago.  You know when you laugh so hard it’s like you had an ab workout?  It was like that-  Then for the next 45 minutes, the older man kept trying to teach my husband a few words in thai.  At one point saying “sexy sexy” and twerking his nipples.  I nearly fell off the table laughing.

To be laying there with my tits out, across the table from my husband, having 2 blind men massage us, and laughing our asses off, was one realllllllllllllly bizarre experience.  The most bizarre part of it, was going from such an angry state to one of complete bliss.  Laughter truly is the best medicine.

I know that acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today, but there are some things I’m just not ready to accept.  And that is violence against women.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do about it and this particular situation.  My initial thinking (in congruence with my husband), was to stop by the police station and ask for their permission/blessing to go and beat this man’s ass, together, as a loving couple.

But violence does not solve violence my friends-

Oh, almost forgot… to top it all off, the nightcap of strangeness for the day, was catching an article/video of a funeral of a young man who was embalmed, and sat upright in a chair with his eyes OPEN to ‘rest in peace’.

Anyway, more to come.  Long story short, I’m adapting well to my new country, as usual.  And, I’m also getting ready to leave again, as usual.  Blasting off Wednesday for California.  See you all in LA <3

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Sitting here having a little cry.  Yup bitches, every few months I seem to get myself so overwhelmed that I have a bit of a cry.  I suppose a majority of it comes from trying to live my own will, as opposed to “God’s will”.  Now, if you’re not a spiritual hippy,  in 12-step recovery for a while, or have not been following my blog for the past 5 years, then you’re probably wondering ‘what the actual truck’ I’m talking about.

Simply put, that means on a daily basis, I ask for a power greater than myself to help guide me, and that I put 110% faith into he/she doing so.  Us humans think we have the answer to everything, and we either operate out of love or fear.  Whenever I feel full of fear like I am at the moment, I know that it’s time for me to get my ass to a meeting and get centred again.

I’m sitting here in a foreign country, where I cannot even read the back of an ingredient/nutritional content label, feeling stressed about everything you can possibly think of.  I’m even still stressing about the spider that was above my bed last night, after thinking I left those hand-sized spiders behind in Australia.

I’m stressing about growing an international clothing line and furthering a revolution, let alone running it on a day to day basis with not even having a desk established yet.  And I’m REALLY stressed about not having a whiteboard.  (hahaha!  who can feel me on that one?!)

I’m stressed that I have not found where to buy supplements, basic food, household items (shit’s really expensive out here come to find out).  I’m stressed that my dogs are going to be unhappy when they arrive in a couple hours.  They both have small-person-syndrome and don’t socialise real well.  They’ve gone from living on an acre, to living inside.  I’m stressed that I’m leaving in 10 days for America, and appearing on TV again, without knowing exactly what it is I’m doing, and that I’m not ripped up enough (then again, I’m NEVER ripped up enough in my eyes!).  I’m stressed that ________________________________________________________.

I could go on.  And on. And on some more……

But you know what?  NONE of this shit matters.  It truly does not matter one bit.  If I was living in a headspace of love, I’d be content knowing that God/Goddess has my back and that everything will be taken care of.   I’d remember that it’s a MIRACLE that I’m even alive right now to type this. As most of you know, I should have been dead on numerous occasions in my past due to my excessive drinking and drugging.

I’d remember that my ONE AND ONLY JOB ON THIS EARTH, is to stay clean and sober, and to help others achieve sobriety and freedom.  I would immediately cease suffering from this
dis-ease of “never enough”, and I’d remember that I am 110% enough/perfect, and that all of these fears are simply mind-based stories.  They are stories associated with the incessant chatter of my mind that is either living in the past or living in the future.  Both places are spaces where we cannot experience lasting joy.  Even thinking in the future about trip coming up to paradise will cease to give us lasting joy. (if that shit made zero sense, may I suggest picking up Eckart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now”)

On the flight over from Melbourne to Bangkok, I happened to watch the most remarkable documentary about a grrrl named Malala.  I’ve know very little about Malala other than she stood up to the Taliban several years ago, advocating her rights to be able to get an education.  She was shot point blank in the head, and miraculously survived.  The program I ran for teenage girls called Kamp Konfidence, had a section where we discussed “first world problems” and prospective.  We discussed how a lot of Western girls want to drop out of school because of the “drama”, and how they should be so FUCKING LUCKY to have the right to go to school in the first place.

This documentary reminded me that when you have a cause, and make something your life mission, you are prepared to do whatever it takes.  It also helped me dissolve some subconscious resentments I had towards the Muslim religion.

I’m rather content with living a simple life.  It’s like there is zero stress in trying to make shit match at our new place hahahaha!!

IMG_8986

OK, I’ve rambled on long enough.  I guess the point of this blog is to remind us all that whenever we feel stressed, it’s coming from a place of fear (unless you’ve been backed into a corner with a 10 foot tall black bear staring down at you).  And fear, can be dissolved by placing your faith into a force or power greater than yourself, and asking it to guide you to live out a will that is for the greater good of mankind, and not our own selfish ego-based will (meaning God’s will is more than likely for me to enjoy life while being an inspiration for others to live an authentic life, achieve equality and have freedom from addiction.  Whereas MY will thinks I should have been on Oprah AND Ellen by now… hahahahahaha!).

Also, perspective is a really powerful tool.  Having “things” and possessions, truly is a weight.  We don’t need them to be empowered.

And do be sure to watch that documentary on Malala.  She’s a modern day Mother Theresa and one mind blowing inspiration.  If I didn’t hate getting tattoos so much, I’d get her face tattooed on my body somewhere.

Love Me

 

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Oh my GOD!

I wish you could see me typing this blog right now.  I’m literally on all 4’s with my ass up in the air.  I have the WORST stomach pains at the moment, and cannot for the life of me figure out why.  OK- so now that I’ve set the scene up for ya, let me explain the “harsh realisation”…

As most of you know, I’m 34.  I can hardly be bothered putting on makeup but maybe, once… possibly, twice a year.  In fact, just last month I sold my entire makeup collection that I’ve been adding to since early 2000’s.  I had close to 40 mac eye shadows!  Most of them used maybe 3-4 times.  This wasn’t because I had a shopping problem by the way-  I’d usually get my makeup done at a mac counter before a photoshoot.  When doing so, you have to buy a certain amount of product.  Anyway….

Earlier this morning I was putting on makeup to get ready for a product shoot for GRRRL Clothing.  In case you’ve been under a rock for the past 6 months, I’m the MFCEO-  and I decided that we weren’t using any goddamn photoshop on our models.  ZERO!

As I was brushing something on my face (can’t remember if it was eye shadow or foundation), it suddenly dawned on me that I looked fucking old today!  Since I hardly look in the mirror at my face (I usually only look at my body and what muscles are visible!), I was surprised to feel this way about myself.  Then after a few seconds, it dawned on me that I could recall feeling this way about myself since I was in my early 20’s!!!!!  I remembered back at a handful of times where I distinctly felt like my face was no longer this beautiful pallet (hope I spelled that shit right, and didn’t spell ‘pallet’ like a pallet of hay! hahahahaha!) of one colour.  I’d see broken blood vessels on my cheeks from smashing my face into the mats doing BJJ.  Or other times I’d notice brown spots from the sun and birth control.  Or feeling like I had ‘crows feet’ around my eyes.

But today, I could see heaps of different marks on my face, and thought, “fuck! I thought this shit was bad 10 years ago!  I can’t believe it!”.  Then I had the harsh realisation that it is so disheartening to think that such a young person could think they weren’t enough.  That she was ‘too old’ ‘too wrinkled’ ‘too spotty’, too whatever……

To be frank, I didn’t really give a rats ass that I looked old today.  I had to question if that was because I’ve found my soul mate.  I’m married to a man who wakes up after 5 years, and will still get tears in his eyes over “my breathtaking beauty” (yeah then that shit goes out the window as soon as I smile and rip ass! hahahahahaha!!!!! )((this is why you can NEVER compare your life to someone else’s on social media!  might look amazing from the outside looking in, but you can’t smell anything in cyber space, can ya?!))

Then I had a little wonder about all the other women out there who haven’t found a partner who happens to be their best friend, and lover- and who shows unconditional love each and every day of their life towards the other.  I had to wonder how she copes with these feelings of “getting old”.

It’s just amazing to me how programmed and conditioned we all are as human beings.  Well, most of us in western, first world societies I suppose.

This is why we created GRRRL.  This movement was created to celebrate the fact that ALL females are beautiful regardless of size and looks.  There is nothing “perfectly imperfect” about fucking any of us.  It’s called “real life”- and not these false, air-brushed, fake ass images we’ve been brainwashed with since conception.  If women weren’t so busy worrying about how they looked, we’d be busy bonding and not seeing each other as competition.  Then we could get on with improving the state of the planet-

If people truly understood how much power all forms of media and advertising had on the subconscious mind, I believe we’d have a much more liberated world.

Everybody is waiting for somebody else to go first.  And going first can be difficult sometimes.  Seeing yourself and putting yourself out there, as you are- can be risky.  But you know what?  I’d rather be a risk taker than a drone amongst a pack of drones, following a crowd of drones.

#ILOVEMYHAIRYTOES #ILOVEMYHAIRYTOES

This, was a shit blog.  As soon as I get over to my new country next week and settled, (oh wait)… I get settled then head back to Merica!  Ok, as soon as I get moved, take my trip over to Merica, THEN get back and get settled, I assure you I’ll have my blog roll back in full force.

<3

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