do you really need to ask how I feel about ‘Valentine’s day’ ? It’s a money making ‘hallmark holiday’ that we have been conditioned to believe is the ONE DAY we SHOULD show over the top love for someone special…. Why are we not showing that kind of love DAILY?…
Anyhow, since this is MY blog, I am going to share a lil conundrum I am having at the moment, and I called upon my lil special Mentor today to help pep talk me out of the negative headspace I was in. Soooo.. There’s this guy (isn’t there ALWAYS?!) whom I’ve become quite attached to, the sexual tension is there, it’s great, we get along like a house on fire, I told him I liked him, he (sort of) says it back blah blah . Anyway, there seems to be all these excuses; some valid, some seem a bit ‘cop out’ style and some just hardly make sense to me… But for the past few weeks I have felt like he’s pulled away a little, so we have the conversation and he fully whips out the ‘no relationship’ ‘no strings attached’ deal, which I FULLY admit, at the start, worked for me too, but as I got to know him, my feelings grew (typical female, eh?!) .However, he doesn’t want anything serious, so, I wondered to myself ‘what could possibly be wrong with ME?!’ And I’ve been doing these epic head miles for about 2 weeks now, fully convincing myself that I am not good enough. Telling myself ‘I need to change allllll these things about myself to make him like me’.
Krista, Krista, KRISTA! What?! Listen to yourself speak, woman! Why are you letting the woman you built yourself up to be, question herself? Better yet, why are you allowing a MAN to let you question yourself?! So, I realised, the more insecure I got, the more clingy I got, and the more he ultimately kept putting space between us. The way Kortney explained it to me, was that I was striking him with lightening. Wanting something so damn badly, and manifesting it so powerfully, you add a bit too much snap, crackle and pop and you end up smothering the shit out of them and keeping them away with demmmm powerful lightening strikes.. Like the most annoying person to ever walk the planet who keeps messaging you and you just stop replying because they WONT. GET. THE .POINT? Yeah, that’s how bad my lightening was getting… Cool the fuck off!
However, one massive thing I am learning here is not just that ‘I am indeed good enough for him, I am actually OVERQUALIFIED for him’ but just to love myself and to become secure with who I am and exactly what I want. Because, to be honest I don’t know what I want? I’m 23, I’m a baby! I’m studying, working full time, training, prepping to play football, spending time with family and friends and just getting to know myself. Without saying too much about this fella, he doesn’t really fit in there. To be honest, I think I just wanted sex and someone to cuddle me afterwards? Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen.
The big lesson here is to just learn to love me. To Love Krista fucking Bednarz. To become so secure with myself and what I want, that it won’t matter to me if the person I like isn’t interested or doesn’t want to be with me or what-have-you. I won’t need to chase. To put my energy into finding myself and not chasing after a crystal when I KNOW I deserve a diamond. I read this the other day; ‘don’t remove jewels from your crown of it gets to heavy for your man to carry. You don’t need a smaller crown, you need a man with bigger hands.’ ain’t that the truth?!
The past 2 years I have learned to love my own company ? it’s fabulous. I was my own Valentine this year and it was amazing! However, developing yourself as a person and truly finding out what makes you ‘tick’, what you’re really into, likes, dislikes, sexual preference, and indeed sorting out some very old skeletons in your metaphorical closet that make you so uncomfortable to even think about… That’s where the real power is. Having developed yourself into this amazing person who is unbreakable, and has a shit-tonne of bounce back-ability!
Today, I read someone’s status that said ‘I found the love of my life when I stopped trying to fix others and fixed myself instead’. Read above. Fixing yourself, and finding who you truly are is the best thing you can do. I’m a massive empath, It’s a trait of mine to always go after ‘broken’ people in the hopes of being able to CHANGE them, or help them in some way, ultimately giving all of who I am… And in the end I ‘fail’ because (let’s be honest) people can and will only change when it comes from THEM. They will only be ‘fixed’ when they decide they want to be fixed.. Interesting thought, isn’t it??
Another thing I would love to add about being insecure about yourself and being in a relationship is… It ALWAYS shows up. It ALWAYS brings the drama. It ALWAYS causes fights. Later on, I will touch more on the subject of self love BEFORE a relationship, but for now, I will say this; THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER BE ABLE TO ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE IS IF YOU FORST LOVE YOURSELF. Cliche bullshit? Sounds like it… But the truth? 100 fucking percent. I bet anyone who is in an insecure relationship right now is stressing out that your partner just liked something on Instagram that offends you (ie: liking another girl’s picture) when you should be saying ‘he likes me every day- why does one picture matter?’ Believe me, I’ve been there ;-)
Anyway, my little rant is over, I’m tired and need to meditate. #sorrynotsorry for all the little pics that depict my situation. Anyone else just save them up and display when the time feels right? HAHA! I’ll leave with just ONE more…
Anyhow, since this is MY blog, I am going to share a lil conundrum I am having at the moment, and I called upon my lil special Mentor today to help pep talk me out of the negative headspace I was in. Soooo.. There’s this guy (isn’t there ALWAYS?!) whom I’ve become quite attached to, the sexual tension is there, it’s great, we get along like a house on fire, I told him I liked him, he (sort of) says it back blah blah . Anyway, there seems to be all these excuses; some valid, some seem a bit ‘cop out’ style and some just hardly make sense to me… But for the past few weeks I have felt like he’s pulled away a little, so we have the conversation and he fully whips out the ‘no relationship’ ‘no strings attached’ deal, which I FULLY admit, at the start, worked for me too, but as I got to know him, my feelings grew (typical female, eh?!) .However, he doesn’t want anything serious, so, I wondered to myself ‘what could possibly be wrong with ME?!’ And I’ve been doing these epic head miles for about 2 weeks now, fully convincing myself that I am not good enough. Telling myself ‘I need to change allllll these things about myself to make him like me’.
Krista, Krista, KRISTA! What?! Listen to yourself speak, woman! Why are you letting the woman you built yourself up to be, question herself? Better yet, why are you allowing a MAN to let you question yourself?! So, I realised, the more insecure I got, the more clingy I got, and the more he ultimately kept putting space between us. The way Kortney explained it to me, was that I was striking him with lightening. Wanting something so damn badly, and manifesting it so powerfully, you add a bit too much snap, crackle and pop and you end up smothering the shit out of them and keeping them away with demmmm powerful lightening strikes.. Like the most annoying person to ever walk the planet who keeps messaging you and you just stop replying because they WONT. GET. THE .POINT? Yeah, that’s how bad my lightening was getting… Cool the fuck off!
However, one massive thing I am learning here is not just that ‘I am indeed good enough for him, I am actually OVERQUALIFIED for him’ but just to love myself and to become secure with who I am and exactly what I want. Because, to be honest I don’t know what I want? I’m 23, I’m a baby! I’m studying, working full time, training, prepping to play football, spending time with family and friends and just getting to know myself. Without saying too much about this fella, he doesn’t really fit in there. To be honest, I think I just wanted sex and someone to cuddle me afterwards? Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen.
The big lesson here is to just learn to love me. To Love Krista fucking Bednarz. To become so secure with myself and what I want, that it won’t matter to me if the person I like isn’t interested or doesn’t want to be with me or what-have-you. I won’t need to chase. To put my energy into finding myself and not chasing after a crystal when I KNOW I deserve a diamond. I read this the other day; ‘don’t remove jewels from your crown of it gets to heavy for your man to carry. You don’t need a smaller crown, you need a man with bigger hands.’ ain’t that the truth?!
The past 2 years I have learned to love my own company ? it’s fabulous. I was my own Valentine this year and it was amazing! However, developing yourself as a person and truly finding out what makes you ‘tick’, what you’re really into, likes, dislikes, sexual preference, and indeed sorting out some very old skeletons in your metaphorical closet that make you so uncomfortable to even think about… That’s where the real power is. Having developed yourself into this amazing person who is unbreakable, and has a shit-tonne of bounce back-ability!
Today, I read someone’s status that said ‘I found the love of my life when I stopped trying to fix others and fixed myself instead’. Read above. Fixing yourself, and finding who you truly are is the best thing you can do. I’m a massive empath, It’s a trait of mine to always go after ‘broken’ people in the hopes of being able to CHANGE them, or help them in some way, ultimately giving all of who I am… And in the end I ‘fail’ because (let’s be honest) people can and will only change when it comes from THEM. They will only be ‘fixed’ when they decide they want to be fixed.. Interesting thought, isn’t it??
Another thing I would love to add about being insecure about yourself and being in a relationship is… It ALWAYS shows up. It ALWAYS brings the drama. It ALWAYS causes fights. Later on, I will touch more on the subject of self love BEFORE a relationship, but for now, I will say this; THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER BE ABLE TO ACCEPT SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE IS IF YOU FORST LOVE YOURSELF. Cliche bullshit? Sounds like it… But the truth? 100 fucking percent. I bet anyone who is in an insecure relationship right now is stressing out that your partner just liked something on Instagram that offends you (ie: liking another girl’s picture) when you should be saying ‘he likes me every day- why does one picture matter?’ Believe me, I’ve been there ;-)
Anyway, my little rant is over, I’m tired and need to meditate. #sorrynotsorry for all the little pics that depict my situation. Anyone else just save them up and display when the time feels right? HAHA! I’ll leave with just ONE more… 
