Sitting here having a little cry. Yup bitches, every few months I seem to get myself so overwhelmed that I have a bit of a cry. I suppose a majority of it comes from trying to live my own will, as opposed to “God’s will”. Now, if you’re not a spiritual hippy, in 12-step recovery for a while, or have not been following my blog for the past 5 years, then you’re probably wondering ‘what the actual truck’ I’m talking about.
Simply put, that means on a daily basis, I ask for a power greater than myself to help guide me, and that I put 110% faith into he/she doing so. Us humans think we have the answer to everything, and we either operate out of love or fear. Whenever I feel full of fear like I am at the moment, I know that it’s time for me to get my ass to a meeting and get centred again.
I’m sitting here in a foreign country, where I cannot even read the back of an ingredient/nutritional content label, feeling stressed about everything you can possibly think of. I’m even still stressing about the spider that was above my bed last night, after thinking I left those hand-sized spiders behind in Australia.
I’m stressing about growing an international clothing line and furthering a revolution, let alone running it on a day to day basis with not even having a desk established yet. And I’m REALLY stressed about not having a whiteboard. (hahaha! who can feel me on that one?!)
I’m stressed that I have not found where to buy supplements, basic food, household items (shit’s really expensive out here come to find out). I’m stressed that my dogs are going to be unhappy when they arrive in a couple hours. They both have small-person-syndrome and don’t socialise real well. They’ve gone from living on an acre, to living inside. I’m stressed that I’m leaving in 10 days for America, and appearing on TV again, without knowing exactly what it is I’m doing, and that I’m not ripped up enough (then again, I’m NEVER ripped up enough in my eyes!). I’m stressed that ________________________________________________________.
I could go on. And on. And on some more……
But you know what? NONE of this shit matters. It truly does not matter one bit. If I was living in a headspace of love, I’d be content knowing that God/Goddess has my back and that everything will be taken care of. I’d remember that it’s a MIRACLE that I’m even alive right now to type this. As most of you know, I should have been dead on numerous occasions in my past due to my excessive drinking and drugging.
I’d remember that my ONE AND ONLY JOB ON THIS EARTH, is to stay clean and sober, and to help others achieve sobriety and freedom. I would immediately cease suffering from this
dis-ease of “never enough”, and I’d remember that I am 110% enough/perfect, and that all of these fears are simply mind-based stories. They are stories associated with the incessant chatter of my mind that is either living in the past or living in the future. Both places are spaces where we cannot experience lasting joy. Even thinking in the future about trip coming up to paradise will cease to give us lasting joy. (if that shit made zero sense, may I suggest picking up Eckart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now”)
On the flight over from Melbourne to Bangkok, I happened to watch the most remarkable documentary about a grrrl named Malala. I’ve know very little about Malala other than she stood up to the Taliban several years ago, advocating her rights to be able to get an education. She was shot point blank in the head, and miraculously survived. The program I ran for teenage girls called Kamp Konfidence, had a section where we discussed “first world problems” and prospective. We discussed how a lot of Western girls want to drop out of school because of the “drama”, and how they should be so FUCKING LUCKY to have the right to go to school in the first place.
This documentary reminded me that when you have a cause, and make something your life mission, you are prepared to do whatever it takes. It also helped me dissolve some subconscious resentments I had towards the Muslim religion.
I’m rather content with living a simple life. It’s like there is zero stress in trying to make shit match at our new place hahahaha!!
OK, I’ve rambled on long enough. I guess the point of this blog is to remind us all that whenever we feel stressed, it’s coming from a place of fear (unless you’ve been backed into a corner with a 10 foot tall black bear staring down at you). And fear, can be dissolved by placing your faith into a force or power greater than yourself, and asking it to guide you to live out a will that is for the greater good of mankind, and not our own selfish ego-based will (meaning God’s will is more than likely for me to enjoy life while being an inspiration for others to live an authentic life, achieve equality and have freedom from addiction. Whereas MY will thinks I should have been on Oprah AND Ellen by now… hahahahahaha!).
Also, perspective is a really powerful tool. Having “things” and possessions, truly is a weight. We don’t need them to be empowered.
And do be sure to watch that documentary on Malala. She’s a modern day Mother Theresa and one mind blowing inspiration. If I didn’t hate getting tattoos so much, I’d get her face tattooed on my body somewhere.
Love Me
The post Living Like Malala appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.
OK, I’ve rambled on long enough. I guess the point of this blog is to remind us all that whenever we feel stressed, it’s coming from a place of fear (unless you’ve been backed into a corner with a 10 foot tall black bear staring down at you). And fear, can be dissolved by placing your faith into a force or power greater than yourself, and asking it to guide you to live out a will that is for the greater good of mankind, and not our own selfish ego-based will (meaning God’s will is more than likely for me to enjoy life while being an inspiration for others to live an authentic life, achieve equality and have freedom from addiction. Whereas MY will thinks I should have been on Oprah AND Ellen by now… hahahahahaha!).
Also, perspective is a really powerful tool. Having “things” and possessions, truly is a weight. We don’t need them to be empowered.
And do be sure to watch that documentary on Malala. She’s a modern day Mother Theresa and one mind blowing inspiration. If I didn’t hate getting tattoos so much, I’d get her face tattooed on my body somewhere.
Love Me
The post Living Like Malala appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.
