As most of you know, every story in my past is a direct result from disordered eating.

Up until I was 33, my life was a constant mental battle of self-hatred, projected towards my body. Even after being crowned “Woman with the world’s deadliest thighs” by ‘the’ Stan Lee, I still found a way to obsess, hate, and despise my body on a daily basis. Primarily my legs.  (Ever notice how many designs at GRRRL are around embracing legs?)

But now all of this gets to change.

At GRRRL, we aren’t just selling a few t-shirts or squat proof leggings, we are solving a public health crisis.
We get to create a new paradigm. We get to stop the cycle of dieting, chasing thinness, and whatever used to be or currently is, the “ideal beauty”. Because as we know, society and what we nowadays call ‘influencers’, are ever changing what that ideal is.

In the 1500’s women wanted to look robust because it was a sign of wealth, as they could afford to eat.  Thinness was a sign of poverty.  Similar to wanting to have ultra-white skin, as that was a sign of elite wealth.  A tan was only a working class ‘thing’ because they spent the day outside… working.

Fast forward to the beginning of the 21st  century, and we see a similar trend with curves coming back.  Then in the 1920’s, curves went “out of fashion” with the flapper-style and boyish figure appeal. Back to curves in the 1950’s with Monroe, to back out of style again in the 60-70’s to the androgynous look dominating the scene and loathing over ‘Twiggy’.  Into the 80’s we embark back into ‘fullness’ and big hair, then flip back around in the 90’s to Kate Moss, Bongo Jeans, Calvin Klein and being a size 0.

It’s like we’re constantly chasing something we’ll never hold onto for more than a few moments.

So just how do we create a new paradigm of acceptance and freedom? We do this by first creating awareness.  Without awareness of a problem, then there is no problem to solve.  We must get real clear that we are in a state of emergency globally, with the number of eating disorders drastically on the rise, and kids as little as 4 years old wanting to diet. We’re not even discussing the number of suicide attempts, completions, or self-harm incidents here either – almost all of which can be traced back to having poor body image

We take daily actions like #ThePledge where we vow to stop talking negatively about ourselves, as well as others grrrls. This is where our hashtag of #notyourcompetition comes from.  When women belittle and tear down other women, it’s simply because they are not happy or content within themselves.  Furthermore, women are programmed from birth by society, (through TV, movies, books, etc) to believe that we’re ‘born this way’ and that other women are our competition.

(Of course until now)

No more standing in the mirror, in front of your kids saying how fat, old and disgusting we look. We might still be thinking that internally, but in order to break the cycle of false beliefs, we have to sometimes ‘fake it till we make it’.

We start by creating new conversations.

We stop complimenting little girls on how pretty they are, and instead say: You are so Strong. Resilient. Brave. Intelligent. Clever.  After we start working on ourselves, we get to learn practical, affordable, and effective tools to help the Next Gen learn a new narrative. Learn to accept their body. And to learn that:

Their value is unrelated to the exterior.

Recovery and this journey of “self love and radical acceptance” doesn’t happen over night.  It often doesn’t happen over months, or even years.  It’s a daily act and sometimes it’s off the charts amazing, and others, it’s right back to where you started.  But the important thing is, is knowing that you’re not alone, there is hope, and collectively we are ALL pioneers in this new world.

As we know, prevention is so much better than cure.

We are doing more than prevention, we are CHANGING the entire landscape for humankind.  Imagine a world where you didn’t have worry for a second about how you looked, and if you’ll be judged.  But instead, all you had to think about was the level of gratitude you have for owning a functioning body.

You don’t need to go out and start your own charity to make change. The power you possess to help one person, will have a massive ripple effect in the fabric of society, and multiply out exponentially.

Whether you aim to be at one of NEDA’s walks with us, or are planning on coming to our first pilot training for the GRRRL Project, we’ll help you find a way wherever you are in your journey, to make change. Our first organized NEDA walk will be in Phoenix with size Heather and I, March 17th, and our first GRRRL Project pilot program facilitator training will be May 30th in Las Vegas

Our first fundraise for NEDA started with a presale of our new Freedom Fit bamboo line of t-shirts, with 15% of proceeds going straight to NEDA.  These shirts are a unisex style fit, and we encourage ALL people to get into it.

NEDA awareness week starts today, so get involved any way you can via our Instagram page.

To learn more about ED, visit NEDA.

Please share this if you’re done with the old paradigm, and ready to storm the front lines with us!

 

I had the craziest moment happen today. It was what I’d call a “God Shot”. As most of you know, years ago I used to get paid a lot of money to make videos to do random ‘features of strength’. Whether I was beating men arm wrestling, picking them up and carrying them around, or being dominate and bossing blokes around, it was great money. It was also an incredible eye-opening experience for me, because it was at this point in my life that I started to realize the world was not at ALL what I thought it was. For a full deep-dive into this, visit www.grrrlfilm.com and check out our documentary.

So, one of my friends from recovery from way back in the day reached out and asked if I had a few words of inspiration to try and help her guide her 14 year old Daughter. She was having a hard time navigating the whole “be skinnier” challenge, and wasn’t sure how to best approach it. So speaking of documentaries I of course said, “Right- go to www.grrrlfilm.com and watch this documentary with her. This will give her context as to who I am and what I’m doing. Then I’ll talk to her myself after you have watched it.”

A week went by and I got a message. They had watched the documentary and they loved it. We arranged a time to connect on the phone.

Doing what I love to do  and what I was born to do, I got on the phone with my new 14 year old little Sister. I spoke to her straight from the heart and from the hip for a good 20 minutes. I gave her a plan, a purpose, and connections. Then made a date to meet in Vegas for GL19, and explained how Friday night we were having a special teen session with myself and size Brionii, aka our NextGen leader.

Then, after we hung up the phone it dawned on me that I had actually met her! I said, “O.M.G.!!!! You’re not going to believe this. But I believe I recall meeting you briefly when you were just a tiny baby!”. I said, “well- you watched the documentary. The world is not what you think it is my Friend. And you were actually a part of my journey in discovering this for a second in time!”. Her dad had volunteered to star as one of my “victims” in a commissioned video clip, and needed to bring her over to the house with him. She started crying at one point, so I had to pick her up!

You see- when you are authentic and have “been there/done that” and have a message of truth and real-ness, teens listen. Not just teens, but people in general. Being authentic is freeing.

So there you go… 13 years ago, I was still abusing pain pills, trying to navigate my way through recovery, hating my body, making money in this new world that made absolutely zero sense to me and holding babies. Now, these babies are talking to a leader who has a specific role for them in this revolution we call GRRRL.

See you in Vegas babygrrrl!

CEO on the go.

 

A few weeks ago I was in Hong Kong on business. In a mad rush, I went to initiate an international bank transfer in the amount of $25,000. I stupidly put the transaction reference ID number into the field where the account number was meant to go. With it pouring rain outside, I grabbed my purse and dashed out of my Eco hotel to make another meeting.Later that night, I received an email from the bank. Due to suspicious activity I needed to submit some information in order to unlock my account. This of course was an issue, because I had a tiny window of time to make this transaction happen. Which is par for course when you’re running a global operation on a shoestring budget… EVERYTHING is a tiny window. Timing is everything.

Because I was overseas, I needed to submit paperwork, my passport, and Drivers license. After doing my best to stay calm, I managed to get the front desk to print out some paperwork, take some photo copies, and arranged a call back with the bank an hour prior to my next meeting the next day. Come to find out, my Drivers license had expired 3 days prior, and now they needed a copy of my bank card.

Took another deep breath.

Got another hotel desk to photocopy and fax internationally. Got another call right before my meeting, “the copy needs to be darker”, and my window has practically shut, costing me a couple of thousands of dollars in exchange rates.

Long story short, I managed to barely slide in and get info submitted, stuff unlocked, orders paid for, and all meetings on time whilst keeping composure. There’s nothing more frustrating to me than being in a foreign country with little money, little time, and the inability to communicate.

By time I made it to the airport, I had a MAJOR case of the fuck-its. Blazing through security, I got to the terminal and discovered I had zero food choices. So, I went with the “lets buy every piece of chocolate I can recognise and pronounce” option, and proceeded to eat my body weight in a garden variety of candy bars. Legit,

Malt teasers

Brick of Toblerone

Kitkats

M&M’s… peanut butter filled (yeaaaaaaaaaa I kno datsssssss right!)

Sport Riser, hazelnut

And finally, a variety bag of mini Hershey’s chocolates!

In the 20 minutes I had before boarding my flight, I ate damn near all of it except the variety bag. And the Sport Riser.

About 3 hours into the flight, an hour before landing, I ate the Sport Riser, then had a few more mini Hershey’s. Then it all started to set it. I started to actually process my binging experience, and what caused it. I reflected upon that it’d been almost a year since I’d done something similar. Last October, I went on a binge fest eating nuts in the middle of nearly divorcing.

Historically, I was never a consecutive binge eater. I either would restrict calories, and then purge off of eating the smallest thing. I’ve gone through different phases since high school, which primarily consisted of meth, cough syrup, and narcotics to change the way I felt about my body and damper my appetite. I’ll leave it at that, because the issue with discussing too much detail with eating disorders, is that we give each other ideas. This is why group therapy is tricky in ED recovery.

But, the point of this blog, was I had a bit of a breakthrough moment. For the first time in nearly forever, I didn’t sit with feelings of guilt, followed by “how am I going to work this off tomorrow?”, thoughts. Aka, punishment. I sat there in my 3 row of empty seats laying down, with a book on my lap, and thought about how lucky I was to even have the opportunity to buy all that chocolate in the first place. I thought about how much shit I had made it through that day, and that I stayed clean and sober yet another day. 8+ years ago, I would have crumbled and gone straight into the bar.

I didn’t sit and think thoughts of needing to justify why it was ok, or wasn’t ok. It just was! As I continued to lay on the seats, I decided that I’d keep a handful in the freezer for those non-vegan days where I felt like having something tasty. I also decided that I was going to stop by the homeless man who sleeps outside on a piece of cardboard around the corner of my house, and place a couple by his head while he slept. Instead of looking at that chocolate episode as some kind of tragic event, or justify it- feel guilty about it… I simply thought how grateful I was for everything that I have, and that I was free to make the choice to even buy it all (arguably when you’re in that mode as a binge eater, you don’t have a choice- until you learn tools). I was excited to share my chocolate with my homeless Friend. We’ve never spoken. We don’t speak the same language. But whenever he’s woken up when I was walking home from the gym, we always smile and laugh with each other.

I kind of knew that he’d know that I left it. And although they were bars and not kisses, I’d hope that he knew someone was thinking of him.

If you are experiencing issues with binge eating and need help, I highly recommend attending GL19, June 1-2nd weekend 2019. Debbie Lichter, author of Freedom From Food Addiction . Com and the congruence code, will be holding a mainstage presentation along with 2 breakout workshops. Click the link here to visit the GRRRL:Live page.

CEO on the go.

Recently I’ve been going through this thing where nothing in my life seems to be working for me anymore. It’s been so much fun! Sarcasm intended. Obviously this sucked at first but, after a few weeks I came to the realization that it needed to happen. I’ve had basically the same schedule and training routine for the last two and a half years. I rush here, rush there, rush rush everywhere trying to get it all done. I wear a lot of hats and juggle a lot of different jobs.

Anyone who says that “a stay at home mom has it easy” needs to be strung up by their toes and smacked with a wet noodle or worse but, for the purposes of this blog I will keep it PG. I dont have the luxury of set working hours where I can punch in and punch out. I’m basically on the clock ALL of the time and when I lay my head down to sleep at night, Im already running through the list of things that I didn’t get done that day and piling those items onto an already booked up tomorrow. Now if that’s not setting myself up for success, I don’t know what is.

This should have been my first clue. Being busy ALL OF THE TIME is not being productive, it’s actually the opposite and in my case it was avoidance not productivity. Ever feel like you are busy all the time and never get anything done?  Have you stopped to explore why that is and why you’re doing what you’re doing?

Have you ever taken a second to list all of the things that you do? All of them, even the things that seem unimportant or small?  It’s kind of crazy when you see it all laid out on paper. No wonder we are all running around feeling stretched, thin and overwhelmed. I recommend that you try it one day, you will be amazed! Especially if you’ve been hard on yourself for “not getting anything done” or not “getting to that goal” of yours fast enough. It will certainly put things into perspective and give you a new appreciation for your capabilities and strengths instead of your shortcomings. We always focus on our shortcomings don’t we?  If you try this exercise feel free to contact me and let me know how it went!

I’ve always known that if you don’t listen to your body and just keep pushing through stuff  eventually your body will go on strike and make you tap out. Your body will find way to slow you down and by then it’s not usually not a good thing or personal choice. It will manifest itself into some health issue. But, knowing this doesn’t mean that I used wisdom. It was actually quite the opposite. Like most people, I chose to ignore my early warning system and just kept trudging on. Because we all think we are superhuman and the rules don’t apply to us right?  If only I would take my own advice sometimes. Much facepalm.

In my case this crash and burn manifested itself in the form of a pretty major relapse. Depression/anxiety/ ptsd/ binge eating and emotional eating along with some major GI issues. Oh, and we can’t leave out the rapid weight gain from all that excessive mindless eating!  And of course that triggered my old body image/dysmorphia issues . I have always been an overachiever even when I crash and burn.

But, jokes aside, I got to the point a few weeks ago where I didn’t want to get out of bed anymore. I didn’t care about my powerlifting gains or setting foot in the gym or counting my macros. I didn’t care about coaching or taking care of my clients or maintaining my social media accounts. I didn’t even care about writing. Forget about being a wife and parent, Homeschooling my son or even basic needs like hygiene and keeping a house clean. I was done. I was burnt out. This was extremely frustrating, It’s not like you can just get off the life train and quit life.

I decided to try and figure out where I went wrong, I mean looking at it from the outside everything looks great right? To anyone else, I am inspirational and motivating. I have my shit together and seem to lead a pretty fantastic life. After several weeks of self reflection the answer I came up with was quite simple. I wasn’t willing to admit defeat. My shit had not been together and I had been overwhelmed for quite some time. I didn’t want to see it because I was too busy being all of the things and doing all of the things. My identity was in the things I was doing. I lost myself somehow and my direction and passion in the process. Talk about humbling…

I have this thing where quitting is never an option. It’s a survival mechanism from my past and it has served me well. Call it what you want. Stubbornness, tenacity or just plain grit and “spunkyness”. It comes from a lifetime of having to fight for every little thing. It comes from childhood abandonment, severe bullying, being a teenage runaway and a recovering drug addict. Surviving rapes, yes that’s plural and more loss than I can express. It comes from being morbidly obese and having to fight through serious illness. Illnesses that were almost successful in ending my life. It comes from always feeling like I had something to prove because I felt that I didn’t start out with the same advantages as others. I considered quitting as a weakness and it kept me alive. That stubbornness and tenacity made me into the woman you all know and love today. It had its purpose.

However, this mentality no longer serves me. I’m currently in a phase of my life where I no longer need to be in survival mode. I have a family and a home, I am not sick with an illness that is threatening my life  and there is no impending threat of doom lurking in the shadows. I’ve established a career as a personal trainer and I’ve also become a writer. Out of the wreckage of my past I was able to salvage compassion and forgiveness and from this came my purpose. I am not the same person. It was another lifetime ago.

With that said, I didn’t realize that admitting defeat over my current life struggle is not the same as quitting. Its not.  Admitting defeat happened to be one of the most liberating things I’ve done for myself. It took away my need for constant control over every tiny little detail. It took away my need to prove myself and keep performing. It opened up my mind to the fact that while my current situation was no longer working for me it didn’t mean that I was weak but, only that I needed to approach things differently.  It gave me the freedom to breathe and let go. It seems so simple but it was completely transformational. Quitting doesn’t leave room for hope. Admitting defeat creates freedom and room for possibilities.

The action of admitting defeat created more room for growth. I was not growing anymore. That is the root of what happened to me. That’s why I felt lost. I had OUTGROWN something that I was still trying to hang onto and had become stuck. There is safety in clutching onto what is familiar. Change rarely happens in the absence of fear. I had to let go of the rigidity of my schedule and my own expectations because they were now limiting me. I’m not the same person that I was when I started my weight loss/powerlifting/body acceptance journey years ago but, I was still living my life like I was and not allowing any room for personal growth.  I had become stagnant and there was no joy my “grind” anymore.

As women regardless of the reason, we all struggle with being busy these days. Your past and your current situation may not be like mine but, I’m pretty sure that many of you can relate to something that I’ve shared here today.  Don’t be too proud to admit defeat, it just may save you a lot of useless energy and help you re focus on why you started in the first place. What’s the point of living if you are just going through the motions but you aren’t truly alive. I don’t know about you but I want to live a passionate joy filled life and I’m going to do my best to help you live yours too.

Much love from your #mentalgrrrl

Kelly aka Spunky

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Welcome to our #deargrrrl project inspired by Dr Carolyn Becker. We’re asking you to write a letter to a younger you. It’s a process to promote self love, self esteem and forgiveness. To share your knowledge, help heal the scars of childhood, and help others that need encouragement right now. PLEASE join us & #deargrrrl 


Dear Kort
Wow. I’m not even sure where to start. I hate to tell you, but you’re about to experience the most challenging years of your life. You grew up with family who were sick from alcoholism. You need to know that they aren’t bad people who need to get good, but sick people who need to get well. Be mindful that you’ll walk straight into their shoes if you don’t watch your behaviours.

Everything that you are about to experience is an opportunity to grow stronger. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be in your journey, of every second that you are experiencing life.

You simply cannot fail – you are merely learning. Know that you are fully responsible for your life. You are not a victim.

You’ll make bad decisions from time to time, but as long as you take responsibility for your part, make amends, and do the next right thing, you can never truly do any wrong. Also, if you have to lie about something, you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

You have spent your life hating your body, but I want to tell you that you are a masterpiece. I commend you for continuing to get up every time you felt like dying. While you fumble through these awkward years of your life trying to “figure it all out”, just know that you don’t have to know what your purpose is, ever. It may be big, it may be small. But trust the process.

Know that there is a God, and you aren’t it my dear. Ask for guidance from The Universe, our ego-centric minds will never be able to navigate this world on our own.

Know there are 1000 ways to do something, and the only one that is factually ‘right’ is the one that works for you. Trust your intuition.

Slow down.
Forgive yourself.
Remember that the present moment is all we truly have.
Finally, we operate from either 1 of 2 places: Fear or Love.

Hey Kortney,
I just got my first ever item from Grrrl. I visited the mailbox, tried on my bomb as FUCK new jacket, and read the tags pinned to it at just the right moment !
I have spent the last year doing wonderful things with my body (trail running, rock climbing, playing Division 1 rugby with a team of killer ladies in Denver, and skiing). I have also spent the last year fighting an eating disorder fueled by PTSD and a lifetime of a shitty body image. Today was especially hard,like sit-in-the-grocery-store-parking-lot-for-20-minutes-before-I-got-up-the-courage-to-go-the-fuck-inside hard.
It sounds ridiculous. It was. Walking to the mailbox, my logic was bargaining with the destructive side of my mind, trying to keep my dinner in my body. Putting on a piece of clothing that fit me perfectly was a good first step to turning the evening around. Then I read the pledge on mtge tag. There was a part that made the bitch who lives in my head (the one who is never pleased, the one who said “15 lbs gone? Now 10 more? More.”) sit down and shut the fuck up for a few blessed moments. “I am having a POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD”.
My worth is not tied to a meal, a number, a size. Every time I step on the rugby pitch, or run, ski, and climb, I am building my body and giving my mind the fucking break it deserves. If my mind and body are taken care of, I can take care of those around me and leave the earth better than it was before I arrived. I can’t do any of those things if if I’m actively working against my body and constantly degrading myself. I read the pledge again.
Then I got up and made my lunches for the week. And you know what? I’m going to eat them too. Its just food. It’s not something to control – it’s fuel, plain and simple. I will put this pledge on my bathroom mirror. I will continue to move on and up. I will learn to love myself. I am going to achieve my goals. I’ve always known all of this, but it has been buried deep.
Thank you for what you’ve done with all that is Grrrl and GrrrlArmy.
Reporting for duty

Below you’ll find the letter I’ve just wrote to someone I’ve never met or spoken to in my life.  But this is how we stay clean and sober.  Some of you may not know that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.  I often like to post about the dis-ease of addiction and alcoholism because there is still a lot of stigma around the topic.  A lot of miseducation.  But the reality is, we do recover.  We aren’t bad people who need to get good, we are sick people who need to get well.  Doing service work like this reminds me of why I must wake up grateful every day for what I do have, and not what I don’t have.  And today, what I do have, is freedom from addiction, as well as a life beyond my wildest dreams.  Might not be financially free and jetsetting like Cardi B or Kim Kardashian, but that’s OK!  Money doesn’t satisfy the soul.  Being of service, in my experience, does…… 

 

Hey Jay!!!

My name is Kortney, and I’m …… well I’m a lot of things. I’m the “woman with the world’s deadliest thighs”, australia’s first female arm wrestling champion, and according to the Australian media, I’m an ex fetish porn star. LOL #winning
But at the end of the day, no matter what my ego thinks it wants you to know, the only thing you need to know, is that I’m a recovered drug addict and alcoholic.

I don’t know much about you. Other than you’re inside due to drugs. But your Sister follows me on IG. I often post about recovery so people can better understand our dis-ease. (Dis= opposite . Ease = easy living……….. so what we have, is the opposite of easy living.. not like some crusty penis type disease lol). We hear the world mental illness and think something is wrong with us. When in reality, we all have a level of mental health. So when we say we’re ‘mentally ill”, it just means we’re not really healthy in the mind when we’re sick.
Remember this, us addicts/alcoholics (all the same shit at the end of the day) are NOT bad people who need to get good…. we are SICK people who need to get good.

Today, with 8.5 years without a drink, nearly 8 without a drug, I’ve launched a global clothing line that is changing the world. But without having had worked the 12 steps, and doing what was suggested there’s no way I would be where I am today. In fact I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive.

I started using meth when I was 17 (despite being a perfect poster child) because I lost weight. From there I experienced (I no longer use the word ‘suffered’) a rape by my boxing instructor/mentor, and went down a dark spiral and started drinking professionally around 19. Took me a Long time of going in and out of the rooms to FINALLY quit trying to escape my feelings and repair my damaged soul. Even after being clean and sober for a year, I found norco, which turned into oxy in the end. But you see, that wasn’t my problem, because my name was on the bottle, and was prescribed by a doctor.

You see- us addicts are very clever people. We can manipulate every one around us, get what we want, then burn it to the ground, and end up blaming everyone else around us. Hahahahaha! It’s amazing! When I think back about all the time and effort that went into trying to stay drunk, or get a bag, or refill my RX, I have A LOT of time wasted. However, today- I look back at my past, and am incredibly proud. Not with false pride, but a pride that comes from literally walking through the gates of hell. Addiction/alcoholism is fatal, and kills someone just on pills alone every 19 seconds here in the USA.

So, that being said, I want you to know that we do recover. I don’t know how Long you’re locked up for, or what you’re looking at, but I can send you some literature and help guide you to finding the steps and addressing the beast. You don’t ever have to use again. It’s a peculiar feeling getting clean and sober. For me, the first two years were awful. But that’s purely because I didn’t do what was suggested by the program. I only went to meetings because I knew I had to. But I didn’t put any effort into the steps, never did service work, hated fellowshipping, and just got addicted to body building instead. Which kept me clean and sober in the beginning, but I kept looking for approval from others on the outside. And as we know, compliments are like lines of coke- they work for only a short period of time. Hence why I hated that drug. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, I want you to know that we do recover. All of the answers that you need are in the literature. I’m positive you’d be able to find a sober/clean member within the confines of that box there as well to help guide you. Prison is really kind of pointless in a lot of respects. We take meetings into jails and institutions, but you need daily meetings.

What we’re dealing with (if you are far progressed as I was with my addiction (my dis-ease) is the equivalent of stage 4 bone cancer. People who have stage 4 bone cancer are literally on deaths doorstep. They have to take their medicine daily, most often hourly. The same can be said for us. If I don’t do something daily to manage my dis-ease (because our illness is centred in the mind), I will surely pick back up again. And I will no doubt, die- or worse, kill someone else and wind up in prison myself. I’m a very violent person whenever I put drugs or alcohol into my system. Like you, I have an allergic reaction, and the craving phenomenon kicks off. Normal people don’t have those issues. Isn’t it great to be so far from normal! 🙂

I’ll be doing a road show tour and in the USA for some time. Maybe there’s a way I can come see you and facilitate a meeting. But please stay strong. Ask for help. You are not weak in will power, you have a disease that is not curable, but is capable of going into remission. And you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams.

I used to steal your wallet then help you look for it. That’s not who I am when I’m clean and sober. Today I’m looking to give away as much as I can to those who need it more than I. Building a legacy. Leaving my mark. And so can you-

I believe in you. And from one addict to another, I know exactly what you’re feeling and experiencing. There is hope. We do recover. One day at a time.

And last thing: one day at a time, simply means that all we have is the now. There is no such thing as the past or the future. Time is a man-made creation to run a society/civilisation. The past and future purely live in our minds, where we play them over and over, or play them out, and get caught up in depression or anxiety. So stay within just today- the only thing that exists. Tomorrow if you want your misery and pain back, you can have it. But just for today, you’ve got this. Pray to a higher power (I don’t know who or what that is, but I believe there is a God, and I am NOT it!!!) for guidance, and watch what happens. Could be Mother Nature, aliens, Jesus, Satan- doesn’t matter. We just recommend you realise that on your own, you can’t mange your own life. Kind of easy to see when your behind bars 😉

But- know that there are millions of us out here praying for you to ‘get it’, and then you too can pass on the good word that we do recover.

We love you!

In fellowship
Kortney O