Here’s what this blog is not: me pretending I’m a MMA expert. That would make me a lousy human being. Equally as lousy as the fight/ football experts that come along during a big fight/ finals season. Folks if you love MMA, NFL or NRL so much try watching a gazillion games during the regular season. Follow a team all season, you might even learn something about the sport.
 
 
ROUSEY vs HOLM
  
Let’s be clear: I have always been and will continue to be a fan of Rousey. Growing up, I can’t remember any strong females that weren’t superheros or video game characters that I had to look up to. For real, Wonder Woman, Mortal Kombat’s Kitana and Milena, these guys were my idols, if you could call them that. Rousey is like the female Rock but more legit, she’s transcended into film, is highly marketable and has become a household name. She is not afraid to stand up and tell the world who she is and her views on things. She’s done some great things not just for MMA but for women in general. I like that. The world is lacking strong, alpha female role models for our youth, I truly believe that. But we’re here to change that, read on.
  
There are people who don’t like MMA; the blood shed, the violence. I also feel that the majority of people out there are uneducated on the sport as a whole. I remember watching the original UFCs on VHS.  It was kickboxer vs jui jitsu.  There were no crossbreeds and no disciplines meshed. These days, we have these entire hybrid warrior freaks. With Rousey vs Holm, we had two world class athletes testing the skills they have spent their entire lives harnessing.  There is so much mental skill and toughness involved. Should there be a rematch? Highly likely. But this is Hollys time to rejoice and bask in her victory.
 
 
Brutal beginnings of the UFC. Image source Fox Sports
 
Me? I was stoked that Holm had a dominant, clear win. She did some serious damage landing head shots in Round 1 and completely dominated in Round 2.  It was not a close call, a lucky shot or a win that can be discounted by any means, she dominated Rousey the way that Rousey typically dominates her opponents with a clear one sided victory. If Holm had won on points or landed one lucky shot to seal the win, imagine what the online experts would be saying then!!? The media is brutal!
 
 
DON’T BE SHEEP
 
Here is what is not cool sheeple: jumping on the bandwagon to diss Ronda now that she has lost one fight; she’s human and that’s the nature of sport. Who in the history of the world was undefeated forever?! Come to think of it Laila Ali retired from boxing undefeated after 24 wins. When your favourite sports team is failing to perform do you jump ship on them? No, you stick by them through thick and thin endlessly (Chicago Bears fans, I wouldn’t blame if you jumped though). That’s loyalty. Ronda is still and always will be a legend despite the cocky way she handled herself leading up to the bout. I want all females to win and these ladies both have, Ronda has taken the sport to new levels for women and paved the way for someone like Holly to come through! I’m reading so much garbage online, trolling is not cool – if you’re someone who willy nilly leaves your negative comments just for the sake of owning a keyboard and internet connection wake up sunshine. Even Rondas arch nemesis Floyd Mayweather is being supportive, sheesh.  
 
I feel as though these online trolls could be the same commenting ‘looks like a guy’ on fit girls photos. Now it’s part of having a public forum that people will give you their input even though you may not give a single you know what about it. I have a few things to say to said troll, for now let’s refer to him/ her as ‘Weasel’…
 
 1.       No Weasel, they don’t look like guys they look like women, who exercise. Probably more than you.
 
2.       Weasel if you want people to take you seriously get a profile pic. You’re a faceless box and nobody likes to engage with faceless boxes.
 
3.       Perhaps society has failed to distinguish them as womanly because cultures have been so behind the times participating in womens exercise programs; most people don’t realise what a strong, healthy woman looks like.
 
4.       The world has evolved Weasel and chipmunks are on their way out. All your small minded comments do is prevent other women from lifting or working out and enjoying a long healthy life. Young ladies have access to the net you know, your comment might (god forbid) influence some poor soul. Has the world forgotten that children are always listening?
 
5.       In the future Weasel, don’t be a dodo, high chance that the lady who posted the image reads your comments, chuckles, envisages stomping on you wrapping your limp body in her loin cloth we’re all cave women. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! *Insert eye roll here*
 
People can get so tied up with what’s happening online. You’ll be judged on your appearance by others who are insecure about themselves. Don’t let online fool you. There’s people with 10 likes that have plenty of friends, there’s people with 1000’s of likes that are lonely as hell. There’s couples posting lovey dovey pics that are in ugly, deceitful relationships yet private couples with no photos online in divine, genuine relationships. There’s people doing things they’re uncomfortable with in an effort to gain likes that aren’t real to get recognition from people who mean nothing to them, if they even know them at all. There’s people who spend all their money on designer clothes who are broke as hell yet wealthy people who are outside busy making this world a better place for all mankind. There’s people with broken hearts who put on a brave face for the sole purpose of showing the person who broke theirs that they’re surviving without them, but they’re barely. Online is great as long as we use it for good, not evil purposes. For motivation not jealousy, for adequacy not inadequacy. Life’s moments of value are spent looking into eyes, skies or plates of delicious food, not staring into a screen.
   
 
 
 
HERE’S WHATS NOT COOL
 
Being a punk. I was not cool with Ronda not touching gloves. Trust and respect by others is hard earned, yet can be permanently lost over the smallest thing. Now it’s no secret I am a complete asshole on the gridiron but not touching gloves is the equivalent of not shaking hands with the captains after the coin toss. You can bet your ass I hate you while we’re playing, that’s just the competitive frame of mind I get into, but the moment that final whistle goes and we are done playing I respect any female that is willing to go into battle and face an opposition ESPECIALLY in a contact sport or a non-traditional sport for women to play. That’s the greatest part when you all line up, smile, shake hands, hug and admire one another. And it’s not always the winners you’re admiring, perhaps it’s the one who got the bejesus smacked out of her, got back up and ran the ball again. Perhaps it’s the one you overheard encouraging her team mates when they were all down. Perhaps it’s the tiniest person out there courageous enough to mix it with the giants. In case you haven’t realised ladies, we’re all on the same god damn team! It’s for equality, it’s to flip the middle finger up to all the haters and naysayers who think football, MMA, rugby, cricket or soccer are mens sports, that women shouldn’t be taking part in that sort of thing. We are in fact unique snowflakes! We should be building one another up, not tearing down and criticising one another. Hey you know what, you can keep doing your thing (whatever that is) while we do ours.  It’s time we stopped passing judgement on others, that’s cool if you wanna be a DNB  I ain’t hating on you I just know I want to do something different.
  
 
GRRRL POWER
 
I’ll let you in on a secret, even lil ol me this confident, ballsy woman comfortable in her own skin has insecurities. As an athlete you’re always chasing your peak performance and your peak physique. You have goals to reach in your off season, pre-season, during season and along with your training & nutrition comes physical changes. I’ve always trained for my sport, not to appear a certain way, the way I look is a by-product of my workload.  It’s tricky not to make that comparison to when you were in your best shape. So when you book a photo shoot there is generally that sense of ‘uh-oh I should look my best’. Don’t get me wrong it’s cool to love yourself and also want to improve. So I booked a shoot for November a few months back and in the lead up had some fairly quiet, back of brain, muffled thoughts of ‘remember you have that shoot coming up’. Thinking back even though I had those thoughts I didn’t alter my normal routine and I’m proud of that. Once  I came to my fucking senses I realised the brand I was shooting for believed that women have more important things to worry about than conforming to media stereotypes of what they should or should NOT look like. For too long the fashion industry has misled women about how other women look. Then in the days leading up to the shoot as I heard more about creative direction of the shoot I had anticipation, excitement, hope for all womankind that FINALLY we would have a brand that represented us!!! We who represent the brand are not strong female cyborgs, we’re strong female HUMAN BEINGS who still occasionally have these thoughts but we’ve learnt to muffle them. We hope that through sharing our experience and profiles you can damn well muffle or silence your negative voices too.
 
 
 
Hollys first release of shirts sold out quick. Image source: Instagram Holly Holm
 
The athletes working with this brand are so inspiring and remarkable not to mention bad ass. This is where Holly Holm comes in. Yeah Holly’s with us, but you CAN sit with us! Just don’t be swearing as much as I do cause she ain’t into that. This special group of GRRRL athletes from around the globe were all quietly rooting for Holly before the rest of the world decided to take notice after she won her fight. We are beyond proud of our GRRRL Holly and not modest in sharing how amazing our sisterhood is! I don’t put my name and face to many brands so you know this brand is the essence of me and how I live my life. I am actually so grateful they found me but that’s how the universe works right?

Image source: grrrl.com Arnaud Domange

 

 
 
I want to share a truckload of things I loved about shooting the GRRRL campaign but I’ll chop it down for ya’all;
  
 •I was allowed to look like me, it was my choice to wear makeup but they would have been cool if I just wore my soul.
  
•Their sizing is not S, M or L it’s a particular athlete size, see below.
  
•It is their STRONG belief that a woman has 100% of the decision making power over how she looks.
 
 •They agreed to NEVER EVER airbrush, photoshop or otherwise manipulate images of their athletes (in advertising or on the website) what other companies and media outlets see as “imperfections”. Women are perfection already. Period.
 
 Kortney Olson (you may have seen her crush watermelons with her thighs ) and David who are running the show are an absolute pleasure to be around. Arnaud Domange with his French humour and wit behind the lens made it difficult for me to keep a straight face and Sir Gino Payne waving his magic wand just creating magic as Spielberg does.  They create this incredible aura (probably unknowingly) that oozes positivity and non judgement and made me want to hang around all day.
 
 

It might take you a moment to get used to the sizing code, which athlete are you??

Go check out the site and get yourself some dope threads. Use 10% off discount code ‘shari’ and you’ll get your gear cheaper, even sale items.

 
YOUR CLIQUE
 
So Albuqerque New Mexico has another claim to fame, after Breaking Bad put them on the map, now it’s Holly Holm. The UFC promo footage of Holly training in the desert, did anyone else think ‘hey that’s where Walter and Jesse drove the van to cook meth!’ I digress. Holly is a hero to so many girls now, not just girls who compete, this kind of courage can transcend into anything in your freaking life. Holly created one of the biggest upsets in sporting history. She was distinctive, different even. Her aura was intriguing. People would stare. She was intimidating outside, but caring and soft inside. Holly talked alot about her team of coaches, her family that there was so much love around her. There was actually way more love for Ronda which is unfortunately human nature. Holly talked about how many times she would sit in her car and cry after training after a bad performance then get back in the gym that night and keep working on perfecting her weaknesses.
 
 
Image Source: hollyholm.com
Which is why this is so relevant to everyone reading this. If your inner team, coaches, friends, family, people who you spend your time with are not supportive and offer you the love and support you need in life its time to pack up and move on. If you don’t, how will you ever know how great you could be, whether that’s with your career, fitness or other goals. Know what you have to offer is plenty, anyone who wants to walk away from that is on them. I also think it’s important to accept the fact you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. You should be able to understand when someone no longer positively affects your life and let them go. Don’t hinder your damn growth! Thoughts are powerful cosmic waves in the universal sea of energy we live in. Don’t you dare be put down by anyone close to you saying things like “who do you think you are trying to accomplish that”.
 
You know that self image that is formed of ourselves growing up? The one that’s unconsciously formed from our achievements and failures, our embarrassments, our victories, the way others have related to us (especially in early childhood). Our behaviour, feelings AND our abilities are always consistent with this self image. They’re not always valid thoughts just programmed from birth and now so ingrained they’re automatic. These thoughts aren’t “the truth”, they’re handed down through generations someone put them there a long time ago. They’re nothing more than SPECIFIC NEURAL PATTERNS in your brain. Neurological research shows 95-99 % of all your behaviours are automatic. This is why we set goals, but don’t reach them. Setting them is a function of the conscious mind. Reaching them is a function of the subconscious mind. The subconcious mind is in the driving seat. Not the conscious mind. My point here is if you want to, you can reroute your entire existence.
  
Now your outer clique, these are random people of the world who share their opinions with you, the ‘Weasels’  either inadvertadely or otherwise, face to face or online networks. WHY do you care so much for their opinion? If Holly listened or cared for the opinions of those do you think she would have won? No chance in world could she have those thoughts creep into her mind, that sort of negative self talk would have her completely off her game.  Whats the message here??? Others opinions do not matter one bit. If you think of all the times in the world when you’ve let someone elses opinion stop you or affect you, all for what?? Nada. Go forth and conquer my disciples. 
 
Dear Samantha,
 
In regards to your article 10 Struggles of Women with Big Thighs I must say I disagree largely with a lot of your points, in fact felt so strongly I have responded below. To my readers, feel free to leave your comments via my facebook page or here on the blog as I am interested in the thoughts of the population.
 
 
1.        My pants NEVER fall down with big thighs.
 
Yes, they are often loose at the waist from going up a size to accommodate the thighs, but the thighs are the catchment preventing them from ever falling down. Perhaps you’re into baggy fireman pants. But yes, jean shopping absolutely sucks; denim with stretch is a must, and generally a high waisted fit is superior, as they taper at the waist instead of cropping wider at the hip.
 





 
3.         ‘Just the act of wearing shorts in general is terrifying’
 
It’s not terrifying; it’s fabulous to wear shorts with big thighs. I hope you are trying to communicate that shorts are difficult to purchase for the thick lower half/ small waist girls, but surely a few unconfident women just threw another negative log into their fire. The real problem here is fashion labels and society are constantly catering for and promoting unrealistic ideals. Magazines and advertorials generally feature models instead of looking at how most women are truly built and making clothing that accommodates them. If we refer to the renaissance in museums all over the world, there is a full spectrum of how women are built.

 
 
4.              ‘A thigh gap was never in the cards for you ‘
 
We should NOT be promoting the thigh gap as a benchmark for women. Nor am I suggesting we promote the thigh chafe as a benchmark. In reality a thigh gap can be more about the angle that your pelvis tilts than how big your thighs are. Sure, occasionally they chafe, you could always try body glide: it’s not some raunchy lubricant; it’s an anti-chafe product providing non-greasy protection against skin problems caused by rubbing.
 

 

 

 

5.              I agree: running can literally be irritating.
 
I choose to take fewer steps at a higher intensity.  Up a hill, for example. No exercise is terribly comfortable, but it still has to be done.  Expect it or prevent it and get on with it.

 

6.         ‘When a guy has smaller thighs than you (which is pretty standard) you immediately want to curl up in a ball’
 
This is laughable – reality is the complete opposite he’s the one that wants to curl up in a ball. It’s absolutely a compliment to your distinctiveness and hard work. If any man has a problem with them, pop his weasly head (no jacked dude will have an issue with your thighs; he’ll be jealous) between your legs, gently squeeze his neck until his cheeks turn blue and his eyeballs start to rupture blood vessels … sorry, I got carried away there. I digress; the point I’m trying to make is that women often care far more about their bodies than men do.  Ultimately, confidence is more attractive than thigh gaps or lack thereof. Rock whatever thighs you have with a smile and leave the conversation with smaller thigh boy who ironically now has self esteem issues of his own, knowing you’re a BAMF (sorry boys, I’m generalising greatly here.  Equality at its best, I realise).
 
 
  
7.        Even if the rest of your body is tiny and fit, exposing your bare thighs to the world is your nightmare”
 
I could not disagree with this more! Rock your bikini bottoms and your curves in them, and perhaps pop a sarong around if you’re more comfortable. Hold your head higher and your shoulders back a little more and remember that you’re a magnet to every thought you think. We as women should be proud of our bodies – that means all parts of it. Instead of listing the things we don’t like, focus on the things we do and how wonderful it is to be a woman. It is never about how much I weigh, it’s always about how I feel; I will never search for validation on a set of scales. Scales cannot remind me of how infectious my smile is, how purposeful my life is or how great my perseverance is when tested. I believe it is your responsibility as a journalist delivering lifestyle/ healthy living/ fitness related articles via the juggernaut that is the Huffington Post to be a more positive force!
 
 
 
8.              I’m an advocate for Turkish sausage legs over hot dogs legs
I’m the poster girl for the former, but BOTH versions are beautiful! Women experience an average of 13 negative thoughts about their body each day, while 97% of women admit to having at least one “I hate my body” moment each day. That is appalling. Telling you to “love your body” is about as helpful as placing an opened packet of Tim Tams in front of you after a break up.  It’s time to muzzle your inner mean girl by combating those thoughts and topping up with a positive one. It’s proven that positive thoughts are waaaay more powerful than negative, so keep an eye on that self esteem invoice  making sure you go to sleep having paid the days bill for your thoughts!
 









If combating thoughts is proving difficult, you should start to seriously research how to rewire your brain! Our self-image is something we form while we’re growing up. It’s unconsciously formed from our achievements and failures, our embarrassments, our victories and the way others have related to us-especially in early childhood. Our behaviour, feelings and our abilities are always consistent with this self-image. They’re not always valid thoughts just programmed from birth and now so ingrained they’re automatic. Newsflash: these thoughts aren’t “the truth”; they’re handed down through generations from someone who put them there a long time ago. They’re nothing more than specific neural patterns in your brain. Neurological research shows 95-99 % of all your behaviour is automatic. This is why we set goals but don’t reach them. Setting them is a function of the conscious mind, whereas reaching them is a function of the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is in the driving seat. Not the conscious mind. The point I’m making is if you want to, you can reroute your entire existence.
 

 9.         ‘When will thighs have their moment?’
WHENEVER YOU ALLOW THEM! My thighs are currently having their moment. All my thick friends thighs have been having their moment; every damn day! This gorgeous girl below Nicole Mejia  a model and fitness personality out of Miami, known for her natural curves and motivating perspective, has been inspiring women all over the world to accept and better themselves in a natural and holistic way. Nicole and her Fit and Thick movement are currently on a nationwide tour to bring the message to the women of America.  Nicole also started the hashtag  #thickthighappreciationday which I believe is on October 21.



Image Martin Murillo

Perhaps you’ll join the movement, we need more recruits if we’re going to get this positivity message through to a lot of ladies.

 
Sincerely,
 
Shari Onley
A woman with strong, thick thighs who loves every inch of them; whether they’re toned or soft, pale or tanned, covered or uncovered whatever they look like I LOVE THEM.

PS I briefly checked your website, some of your content is cool and light hearted so don’t take this too harshly, I think you’re alright  😉

‘Don’t be delicate – be vast and luminous’

 

 



I’m finally back in Sydney after being caught up in the fascination of Chicago. What a sublime city, I love so many things about the spectacular town and it’s charming people. I’m still not sure whether it’s like the brand new shiny toy that you love to bits until one day the excitement wears off. WARNING; this blog will make a hell of lot of generalizations so don’t get your titties tangled. It’s purely my experience. I’m sure I’ve only seen a fraction of what Chicago has to offer. 


Before I relocated to the Windy City my head coach at the Bliss said you’re going to love this city so much you’ll never want to leave. I already knew I would love it, every yank I’d met was awesome, dry sarcastic humour, loud and obnoxious, larger than normal humans and liked to swear… a lot. I’m an intelligent, classy, well educated woman who was perhaps a wharfie in a past life so I knew I’d fit right in.

Once I got to Chitown I realised, not only is the city visually stunning, rich in history and character, the mid west folk are friendly. My coach said ‘well you’re a pretty girl with a nice accent, of course they’re going to like you.’ Man they froth over the accent. Some team mates wanted Aussie lessons it was so popular (you can start by pronouncing it Ozzie). I was even told together with my eyes it’s an aphrodisiac, decent line right, we’ll get to the boys in a bit.


Chitown by night
Pic courtesy of Friedman Archives 
I was born and raised in Sydney, know it well. Whilst visiting 90% of Americans told me Australia is on top of their bucket list.  I am grateful to live 5 minutes from this breathtaking harbour. Now you yanks have someone to come and visit, me!

Sydney Harbour by night, ain’t no place like home toto
Pic courtesy of Layover Guide


Here goes….

COFFEE

Lets break this one into nations. The standard in US is drip brewed or filtered coffee, like you get on a plane. They pour water over roasted ground coffee beans in a filter, water seeps through coffee and passes through the bottom of the filter. Here they add “cream” (which is more like part cream/part milk) and sugar. While I could get my latte at Starbucks it was always burnt.

I did have the pleasure of sipping Costa Rican coffee fresh off the plantation while in Central America. A blissful, tranquil experience. Those beans were magic, the location may have contributed slightly. 

A typical Australian coffee is generally a latte or flat white. Coffee espresso shot filled with heated frothed milk add sugar. I fell in love with Malt Supper Club when last visiting Perth, the venue took me to an era I’m drawn to, through it’s music and the other wordly interior. I’d been up since 5am doing radio interviews, media and promos in the harsh sun. I was beat. I walked up to the bar wondering if they would have a coffee machine. I was greeted at the bar, ‘ciao bella’ a gorgeous Italian man dressed in a crisp white shirt, bow tie and braces. He took my hand over the bar and asked what I would like. If I wasn’t playing the Legends Cup the following day (have I mentioned we won?) my answer would have been your finest scotch whisky sir. Not only did he have a coffee machine he proceeded to make me an amazing latte, within a few minutes he had another 10 orders from my team mates. 

Winner: OZ When baristas make lattes all day long they get damn good at them. Anyone serious about coffee may find it difficult to get a decent cup in US.

Tally: Oz- 1 USA- 0


GYM 

I was a passport member at Xsport Fitness, I could visit any franchise across Chicago for $35 a month. The staff at my local Pipers Alley were super friendly and welcoming. The location had a lot to offer (albeit jammed into a small space) it was open 24hrs and came complete with a pool, indoor basketball, rock climbing, spa, sauna, beauty & tanning salons, yoga and crèche.

I also frequented Lifetime Fitness which was the absolute mecca everything Xsport had and more, a freaking creche for adults – lounges and plasmas everywhere, water slides, the works. Huge well kept facilities, everything you need to get distracted from what you should be there to do… hard work.


Interior of a David Barton Gym


David Barton Gym was an absolute standout. These facilities are opulent, Dubai nightclub luxurious. No expense spared on the fit out, décor and sound system. Bathroom products so quality we may have taken some home. A completely unique gym experience. Lighting so low it was a safety issue around free weights.



When I enquired at Lifetime about an olympic lifting platform or somewhere I could drop a bar from the overhead position he said I could anywhere. Dude Stop. At all Chicago gyms I visited the plates were jagged, they land unevenly and could jump out and seriously injure myself or those near me, not to mention the racket it would create without suitable flooring. Deadlifting for example; the bar touches on a jagged edge rather than flat edge on one of the plates, you’re twisted out of position on each rep. Resetting your foot position each rep is kinda fucking annoying.

I did have a great throw down with the cool cats at Crossfit New Lennox where the plates were round, unfortunately once I moved downtown the location was too difficult to get to.



In Sydney the plates are round everywhere, newsflash they don’t roll away from you. You can find gyms that aren’t crossfit with olympic lifting stations or bumper plates relatively easily. Although Sydney has 24 hour gyms they are the typically the fast food of the fitness world. As a side note you have to bring your own towel which you don’t in Chicago.

Winner: It’s a tie, I loved the luxury of spending my days training, recovering and relaxing at one facility before going off to practice at night. But Chicago you drastically loose points for those retched plates. 

Tally: Oz – 2 USA – 1


HOSPITALITY
 
You can be drunk in Chicago and still order drinks, you can be drunk, stumble into a bar and be welcomed by the security, you can be rowdy with your friends inside the club and not be warned/ thrown out. This is all via observation of course, I’m always on my best behaviour. You can do none of these things in Sydney. How is it Chicago is so much more laxidazy and I didn’t see one fight break out?


A special mention to Underground Chicago. Every club owner should take note of what these guys are doing. Every night of the week this place PUMPS. Different themes but one thing remains, the party is always on point. They call is the sexiest place in the world. Don’t know about sexiest, they lost that title when they let me in wearing gum boots after a festival but all the cool kids wear Hunters boots. The GM Scott is particularly personable. Always immaculately dressed in a three piece suit and oh so hospitable, the security guys are my favourite. I could go on but it would begin to sound like adoration.

Underground standard night

Rooftop bars are scattered all over the city, plenty of places are buzzing by lunch time with sky scraping views of Lake Michigan. Pubs, restaurants and bars are bustling on a weeknight, there is always something happening. 

Upon my return to Sydney I paid a visit to Kings Cross on a Saturday night, clubs were empty and I could easily get a cab at 3am. Whats doing? Lock out laws have ruined you. There’s no denying it.

As a side note to this topic customer service in Chicago is tops, retail stores, restaurants, bars, train drivers you name it. I actually felt like they genuinely cared about assisting me! They won’t monotonely tick a box and greet you with their nose in the air, unlike Sydney, they are heartfelt and attentive. 

Winner: Chitown lapped Sydney on this one. RIP Kings Cross nightlife, we’ll always have the memories


Tally: Sydney –  2  Chicago – 2 


THE MALE SPECIES

Overall American men are much more confident than Australians. They have to be to keep up with the women who are loud and outspoken, some self righteous even. Men seem happy to say exactly what’s on their mind at that point in time. No game playing just direct and upfront with their feelings. There’s an attractiveness about a man who can communicate so freely without regard for ‘how keen’ he comes across. So pleasant, charming and well mannered. It was easier to get to know people, I felt like the wall was removed and people were so personable. Ironic coming from me, a woman of many walls but trust me, there’s an element of it that’s rubbed off on me and I love it.
 
Let’s compare a bar in Sydney, you can make eye contact with someone. Half an hour later after he’s skulled enough tinnies to work up the courage he might trot over. In Chicago you’ve barely fluttered eye contact and he’s either over introducing himself or he’s sent the bartender to fetch your drink. I know what you’re thinking, hot blooded males with perhaps one thing in mind, but more times than not they’d shake your hand, pleasure to meet and off they went. 

Even the whipper snappers had game.  Got chatting to a (6ft mature looking) 18yr old in a hideous Hawaiian shirt on the train. I was studying my playbook, he peaked over my shoulder and striked up a convo about football. Even he was smooth enough to ask for my number. I had to laugh and say ‘get outta here kid’ they sure can talk the talk!
 
I am pleased to say chivalry is not dead, it is far more alive in US. Men open doors, get the bill before you’ve had the chance to offer not once but consistently every time. Men will make sure a woman is well looked after. Strangers in the street, men of all ages will open a door for a woman, offer to help with bags and expect nothing in return. They are organizers, happy to lead booking restaurants, planning a day with you, making you know they appreciate and value every hour they spend with you. They listen to you, are very inquisitive and well in tune with women’s Venus tongue. Okay they’re still on Mars but are located on the side facing earth…. Aussie guys are chilling over the Jupiter facing side of Mars. 

Admittedly if I plucked an American species and popped him on a Sydney street, with his smooth talking ways and forwardness he would come across creepy. But in his natural habitat he hunts awfully well with his species. 
 
US men openly appreciate women of all different shapes and sizes. They actually want their woman to have curves especially a butt. Women are tall, short, stumpy, obese, voluptuous, hippy, curvaceous but one thing in common, they are all confident. Australia is catching on slowly but a woman with curves is still the minority.


Winner: Chicago no question, for me a confident strong woman I’m well suited to a straight shooter. Aussie guys I’m sure would be a hit with the American girls, but more often than not the girls may scare the absolute shit outta Aussie blokes with how forward they are. 

Tally: Oz – 2  USA – 3

WEATHER 

The weather is opposite, when it’s winter in Chicago it’s Summer in Sydney. Lets take a look at the difference in temperatures.


Chicago weather is bipolar, one day it’s snowing the next sunny skies. When I first arrived it was minus most days, the nasty snow was coming to an end to conclude the worst winter they’d experienced in 130 years! I will never complain about Sydney being cold again. I would literally look down on the street at outfits to get an idea of which pill the weather took overnight. It’s crazy.

Cars abandoned on famous Lake Shore Drive Chicago during a snow storm. The snowfall from the blizzard was 20.2 inches
Image & article via http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-snow2lsd20110202071217-photo.html


I tried to improvise with outdoor training equipment at my coaches place when I first arrived. In between each set I’d have to run inside and thaw my fingers over the heating just enough to grip the bar for the next round in between my nose bleeding. I like going on little adventures so tried running after the sun went down. The tiny part of my face that was exposed burnt like a chemical peel. Icicles run from your nose, speech slows to a drunken slur.

However the central heating is on point, every building, home or apartment block was superbly heated. Once the weather finally started to warm up it was like the population in Chicago quadrupled, people on the streets, seated at sidewalk eateries, out socialising – they were like caged animals over the winter!

Typical winters day downtown, still magic



Sydney summer is ace, we get a solid 2 months of it sometimes more. Beginning of Autumn is balmy. You can still get outside in Winter without your motor skills ceasing to function properly.

Winner: Sydney, the snow is picturesque but it affects your day to day activities too much.

Tally: Oz – 3  USA – 3


LFL 
 
The LFL competition in US is fiercer than Australia. It should be, it’s their national game, they’ve been watching/ playing it longer than Aussies. The average American is physically bigger than the average Aussie. In a nutshell the game was faster, the hits were harder and the girls were more physical in America. I loved every minute of it, I didn’t travel there to play patty cake, I went to become a better athlete and break new ground in my career, like rupturing my ACL. Mission accomplished. 

Defence chilling in between plays


 
Winner: Chicago, that’s a no brainer.

Tally: Oz – 3  USA – 4 



ANIMALS

 
Sure we have kangaroos, snakes, spiders, crocodiles & sharks but so does USA (or gators) in particular regions. Let’s get one thing straight. If you visit the outback in Oz you are more likely to come across creatures that would kill you in the night, same as a night in the rocky mountain ranges could prove dangerous. Sydney is a city and it’s highly unlikely you will see any of the above mentioned animals unless you’re visiting Taronga Zoo. I’ve never seen a shark in my life, I grew up in the water, living in a beachy suburb, surf life saving- I’m yet to even hear a shark alarm go off.
 
Australia is ranked the 2nd highest to the US in terms of global shark attacks with 704 unprovoked attacks. Where we rank first is the number of fatalities, our sharks mean business with 202 of the attacks proving deadly. 
 

  1. Region

Total
Attacks
Fatal
Attacks
Last
Fatality
United States
(Excluding Hawaii)
1055362012
Australia7042022014
Africa339932013
Asia129482000
 
 
Winner: Oz wins we’re all thrill seekers, danger is interesting, nobody wants to live the safe life, really, do they?
 
Tally: Oz – 4   USA – 4
 
 


SPORT 

Everyone supports the Bulls, Bears, Blackhawks, Cubs or Sox there is a sense of patriotism and togetherness in this town which is magic. The people of Chicago are one giant mass, they’re not individuals, the city of Chicago is for the people.
They don’t just support their teams they are overtly passionate, loud and proud, wearing merchandise even on non game days. Tailgating at football games playing sport, everywhere, on weekends parks are jammed with adult softball and flag football competitions.

I got to several MLB games; White Sox at Comiskey Park and Cubs at Wrigley Field. It’s more a social event, fans go for the atmosphere rather than the game.



In Sydney we struggle to find a venue with a few TV’s that will show our LFL games on a Saturday night. I don’t recall walking into a pub/ bar in Chicago without a TV screen. We struggle to fill stadiums for AFL and NRL games, it’s expensive and inconvenient, people would rather watch from their couch.

The Bliss home games in Chicago drew around 2000 people, decent crowd considering our stadium was 1 hours drive from the city. What an amazing crowd, they would fire up with one word ….. let’s go ‘CHICAGO!!’ We were undefeated at home thanks to their support.

Winner: Chicago, it’s more than just a sporting game it’s a total experience, the atmosphere is electric even in between plays. 


Tally: Oz – 4  USA – 5

FOOD

I entered US with some visible abs, maybe 4, I left with one. I love my food, that’s no secret. I’d be the size of a house if I lived in Chicago the food is soooo delicious.

Severely hung


Notable mentions;

Garretts popcorn get in me!


When purchasing raw meat I had to be rather careful. Frozen chicken breast for example isn’t always 100% chicken it’s hormones and additives, some pumped full of chemicals, water and even pig skin. This isn’t just happening in US but I’ve never noticed it in Australia before. Grass fed beef in US is almost like a delicacy, I had to go to an organic store to source it.


Winner: Oz, you can’t beat Aussie beef.

Tally: Oz – 5  USA – 5


 
 
OTHER MENTIONS 
 
WI FI – Chicago has wifi almost everywhere, every store, stadium and bar. Nobody pays per data usage or download and they can’t believe when I tell them we do in Australia. Winner: US 
 
PUBLIC TRANSPORT – Between the CTA and the Metra trains, they arrive regularly and are reliable and safe. Sydney can’t say the same. Winner: Chicago
 
BEACHES – With the amount of majestic coastlines this one is easy. Winner: Sydney
 
I’m allocating an additional half a point each for the notable mentions section

 

FINAL SCORE
Oz – 5.5  USA 6
 
Says it all really, ain’t no place like home, but Chicago just pipped Sydney. I’ll be back for more one day Chitown, thank you for being so kind to the Aussie. X
 
I woke to text messages from more friends getting the news of my injury. Tears continued to flow, I felt exhausted. People I didn’t want to say goodbye to, I had unfinished business and cried at their individual responses. Such generous, genuine people I was so fortunate to call my friends. I had let my emotions run free until the early morning knowing today I needed to start the healing process. I wasn’t improving my situation moping around being sad and didn’t want to feel like I had the day before. My knee was sore this morning, more so than other days, it may have been the side I slept on. Last night both Allie and Chrisdell snored. I wondered if I snored when I was asleep? I listened to their snores with appreciation and gratitude. Just to be there in the same apartment as them I was thankful for. Every little part of them I wasn’t ready to let go of.
 About to go to war, the game day that changed our existence
I had begun to review my diet to optimize my healing. I made 3 basic changes anytime I was injured; 
 
1. Reduce grains. Digesting grains caused tiny perforations in the lining of the stomach. Essentially the more energy your body used repairing those, the less were available to heal the injury
2. Increase water intake. 
3. Increase Fish Oil. The omega-3 fats worked to produce beneficial anti-inflammatory hormones. 

 
Additionally to prepare for surgery I ate plenty of nutrient rich leafy greens like spinach. Also included fats, garlic, turmeric, green tea and pineapples since they were rich in nutrients helpful for combatting inflammation. 
 
Chrisdell sat with me before she left for work, hand on my knee she looked at my weary head, bloodshot eyes curled up in bed and said ‘I let coach know how I feel. You’ve sacrificed your body for us, you changed your whole life to come over here and play for us and spent so much money to get here. You are more of a vocal leader than anybody else who could travel to support and we need you on the sideline on Vegas. It wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t take you.’ 
Wrapped in a blanket stitched from Allies team jerseys collected over her career I played music from her iTunes, Sam Smith, Josh Kaufman. Normally these tracks wouldn’t be high on my rotation list, their not in my library at all but I wanted to savour every part of my experience with Dr Bert. My wife, my roommate, we had developed such a bond. A woman that if you ask others they would say she is scary, volatile. But underneath it all she was a big softie, just like me. She had amazed me since meeting her, such a walking, talking contradiction. In her residency as a dentist she famously fixed my chipped tooth after my Costa Rican white water rafting accident with such gentle hands I fell asleep in the chair. Yet watch her locked and loaded on the field coming up making plays like a maniac, or hear her roar viscously at whichever team mate had fucked up their assignment you’d swear it was a different human. Hybrids they called us.
Just being together was all we needed

 
Allie, Deena and I were like three musketeers, we would do everything together. With Deena and I rocking statuesque, visibly intimidating physiques Bert would constantly get called out ‘ oh do you play football too?’ She would respond by screaming something like ‘ do you want me to fucking choke you?’ She was 100% serious too. When we met new groups of guys I would set them up and encourage them to ask her if she played. She took the bait every time, would tear shreds off her victim, even after she saw me giggling in the corner. My dear Dr Bert said it exactly how she saw it, raw and blunt.

 

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuqoDKJ1Ph0&version=3&f=user_uploads&c=google-webdrive-0&app=youtube_gdata]

 
A unique beast, with blonde locks beautifully cascading behind her. By her own admission she would win a loogie competition, hocking from deep in the throat looking a million dollars while she did it. She would pick up chips she dropped on the footpath while still holding a full uneaten pack in hand and quip ‘I’m not wasteful you know, waste not want not.’ The bridesmaid who would almost break her neck falling off a cliff trying to rail slide. 

Allie literally thought she was invincible


Her and I could sit at a bar and be so totally engrossed in each other’s conversation for hours and hours. No fire, disease outbreak or gaggle of men could penetrate the force field around us. We were all each other needed right at that time, both yearning to learn about one another – how did the US beast operate VS queen beast from Oz. I was from a land far far away but aside from some minor operating differences but we were hardwired so damn similarly, she passed my Klokov Expirement.

A team player like no other
 
She was assertive borderline aggressive, comical and precious to me, she amazed me everyday. It didn’t surprise me when she came home having concocted a plan to solve my visa issues, we bear a child in a lesbian union, since gay marriage was legal in the state of Illinois. She’d already thought through a response to her parents who would declare it a ridiculous idea. Whatever it took, we’d get the job done. 
 
My team mate Heather Furr text me saying she loved me like crazy, had shivers up and down her spine when she heard the news, was so sorry and was there anytime I wanted to talk to her. She told me how much of an impact I’d had on the team in the short time I was there. Heather reminded me of myself back at the Surge, always organizing events, sponsors, networking, making sure we all had the best gear. At the LFL you look after your own. She has devoted her life to the team as I had back home. She was a unique leader one who no matter what the chaos on the sideline had the ability to calm the team and lead them onto the next series in battle. One of those irreplaceable team mates I hold in the highest regard. Happy to admit when she’s wrong, no excuses just admission, progress and ultimately success. So sad there would be no more cubs games with Furrball.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2OVDBlDois&version=3&f=user_uploads&c=google-webdrive-0&app=youtube_gdata]

 

 
 
My phone rang, I screened calls, I wasn’t ready to speak with particular people. Unless they would pull me from where I was I’d speak with them later. I did take Staceys call, I had grown close to him. We met on my very first night out in Chicago. He’d been playing pro basketball in Israel for years so knew what I was going through being away from my blood, I’d spent holidays like Easter with him grateful for someone who took me in as his family. He reminded me about the cousin he’d introduced me to at the gym one day, played for the Bulls. 7 knee surgeries later and he’s still dunking vertical. He would get me his rehab strength program to take a look at. Stacey never sugar coated it, always gave it to me blunt, sometimes to a fault, but this time, he soothed & settled me, he knew exactly what to say. It’s no simple feat entertaining an alpha woman, whilst there’s many loads of positives she’s saucy, stubborn and can go from 0-100 in 2 secs flat! If the man says leave your bags, she won’t, she’s knows she’s just as capable of carrying them. The man has to grab the bags first or sensitively but physically remove them from her.  Knowing which moments are healthy to have her assert dominance, and which you need to interject is a damn fine art! I knew he would visit me before I left. He was a genuinely good guy, I would miss him and forever cherish the time I spent with him and his family.
 
 

I reached out to some substantial people in my life in Australia who gave me hope. Little feathers of hope which don’t weigh much on their own but joined together can keep you floating until you are ready to come up for air on your own. The kinds of friends you will have forever. The kind who know just what to say in the right moments, they know I rarely yearn for any type of help. Ever. I’m the independent woman who thinks she can do it all on her own. I hit up a few locals in Chicago, who had become close to me and broke the news. Everyone as floored as the next. But I hadn’t experienced the summer yet, the looong awaited summer the beautiful folk of Chicago had patiently been calling.


My coach Jason Gaffey at Surge told me to keep my chin up stay positive, something I always reminded him to do. We had build the Surge on positivity, constructive foundations. He admitted he selfishly wanted me back home anyway. There was a little glimmer of light when I thought of being back with my Surge family. Being home with them for some of the pre season I would have otherwise missed. Excited to see my coach Roger Fabri and re create those movement patterns, balance, something I had not sustained in Chicago. He was the expert, I felt a big loss not having him around to push me. 

 

Overnight the NSW Blues had won the 2 of the 3 State of Origin matches. This was HUGE news in Oz to break QLDs 8 yr winning streak, a monumental achievement. I immediately thought of the bro Josh Reynolds, Rugby Leagues nicest guy who had supported every step of my journey in NSW.  He had wished our season was longer so he could support at more games. I smiled at his achievement. Social media was going off but QLDers were very quiet…. ‘Despicable elbows and facials by QLD. Thurston is a grub! Hayne is a try saver! Greg Bird what a player. ‘ Another posted ‘Paul Gallen is one of the toughest athletes on the planet, I’m so convinced I’m on a website right now buying GHRP-6.’ I laughed. I love Paul Gallen he is the epitome of what I want to be as an athlete. Tough, determined, no bullshit, authentic, a spartan like warrior, no frills, a leader by action. How would he deal with this? I was inspired. My supporter the one who had my image tattooed on her arm, how would she expect me to deal with this? Often I was motivated knowing others looked at me as their mentor. I sat up straight out of my slump and thought to myself, It’s time to do what you do best. Go forth and conquer …. be the example. 

 



Ironic where your own motivation can rise from

 

 
The official game recap was released, we had a sloppy game, full of turnovers, a real disappointment to the city of Chicago and ourselves. We were the champs and whole lot better than this BS. But if we could tie the game with that many turnovers it was only up from here. Damn shame I couldn’t contribute to it. But I was healing.

Corey picked me up and took me to MRI of Arlington Heights Imaging. The last time I’d layed in a similar machine was for CT scans to test whether my melanoma had spread. This reminded me the knee was not going to be an issue. In the grand scheme of life it could be dealt with. We went to Tri Balance Holistic Health and Nutrition where Dr Andrew Hopkins chiropractor gave me an ultrasound to reduce the swelling.  We ate lunch at Whole Foods, I was a first time customer. A gigantic health goods store. A beacon in the night, a savior of souls amongst a country of over indulgence. 




We returned to SkyPoint Medical and waited In Dr Sameer’s office for the radiographers reports to come through. Dr Sameer had looked after my GP & prescription needs in Chicago, a genuine professional who made me feel very comfortable around him. We waited and waited until the sun went down and decided the next day would show more. I missed my first practice that night. Allie and ChrisDell came home and hugged me, we genuinely missed each other and had spent less than 24 hrs apart. Some players can be absent from practice and fly under the radar. I didn’t want to be one of those players, my team always need me, I need them. 

Waiting results at SkyPoint Medical

My body clock woke me at 7am, I ate my standard breakfast (1/2 cup rolled oats & Vitamin King protein shake), read my emails and caught up on how Dad had handled his knee replacement in Sydney. was anxiously waiting all day to hear from Dr Sameer so turned my phone on loud. I had my last Vicoprofen the day before at 7am, hadn’t needed another dose since. So why was I so tired? I fell back asleep until 10am.  There was an eerie weight bearing on me, on the room, on the apartment. Was it the suspense? Perhaps, but for now I just wanted to lay, I dozed back off after lunch for a 1/2 hr nap.


Waiting, wondering, medicated.

I played phone tag with Corey for a bit until I emailed Dr Sameer his lifting session for the night since I couldn’t get out to train him at the studio. He called me back immediately and said the radiographer report just came through showing a complete tear of the ACL. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had felt so positive, each day had been less painful, was now moving without crutches and felt so much improvement. In my mind I was already rehabbing for the July 3 Vegas game. My buddy Adam Curley would be in town to cover the UFC double header weekend, he was coming to watch me play, there were other Aussies in town and it was my first trip to the strip! I was devastated, mid food prep cooking chicken breast, trying to remove it from the oven with tears flowing, sobbing like a baby thinking don’t burn yourself, keep control, don’t drop the tray. With every inch of my being I had thought I was going to be fine. Everything you believe you attract, I get that, I had been envisaging good thoughts and affirmations, hadn’t I? Since you attract what you think about most it is easy to see what your dominant thoughts have been on every subject of your life. How had I caused this to happen?



I was completely dejected


I started to over analyze, women are great at that….where had I gone wrong? Your thoughts reverberate throughout the entire universe! Then it dawned on me. A friend had asked me to catch up with him Monday after the game. My response was ‘lets see where I’m at, so many things could happen’. The weather forecast was great, we were probably going to drink ‘winner piss’ (aussie slang for post match team bonding) for a few days before we knuckled down onto our next opponent. It’s sacred time we spend with our team mates and I didn’t want anything to disrupt that. There was a tiny iota that thought not specifically about injury but more so the body being so sore post game you don’t want to have plans except laying in a bath.  Your thoughts create the frequency, they create like pictures on the stage which is our life! I had caused this myself. In my head it was a simple mathematical equations I found my answer. 


I had a call from my friend Lovel Palmer a pro soccer player for Chicago Fire. He was new in town too having moved from playing in Salt Lake City. He had tried to phone me a few times but I hadn’t answered, he sensed there was something wrong. He’s the kind of guy who’s voice alone can calm you, an authentic guy with a positive, glowing attitude to life. His sister a Jamaiican Olympian track star with heart wrenching tales of her own was in the Sydney Olympics, damn they had some athletic genes. He told me of his knee troubles in Jamaica, an MRI report indicated a tear in ACL and tear in meniscus, they performed surgery immediately but after going under the knife discovered the surgery was unnecessary, the ACL was intact. Two lessons here…a) always get a second and third opinion and b) if you sense your friends need you they probably do. We organized to visit the top of the Willis Tower which overlooks Chicago from a completely glass sky deck before I left. 


The thought of leaving was heartbreaking


I reached out to Coach Hac, the man who made all this happen and coach John who had supported me with everything I needed once I arrived. They were shocked, disappointed, said nothing would be the same without me. We didn’t expect things to end this way.



Allie came home to me slumped in front of the computer screen reading the radiographers MRI report, She knew by my voice something was wrong. Knowing it was bad news she hugged me while I whimpered, told me she loved me and everything would be okay. ‘We were brought together for a reason, I don’t ever want you to leave me, I don’t want to go back to my life without you’ I sobbed uncontrollably. Neither did I. Not that life in Sydney was bad by any means, just different. Perhaps Chicago would get old one day and stagnant as my life had in Sydney, would lose the excitement and joy of something sparkling and brand new. But that day was not today.




I skyped my friend UFC Fighter Hector Lombard in Florida, he 
spent part of the call hanging upside down from some stretching machine. He could see I was hurting and made me laugh to take my mind off the situation, generally by being stupid but still made me laugh. He told me he’d pinched a nerve recently in his neck during a car accident. After taking a blow to the same area at training the condition was looking to impact his fight scheduled for August. Surgery was impending until Dana White hooked him up with a specialist who treated footballers. After some treatment he felt cured and was prepping for his fight without going under the knife. He warned me to get some further opinions before securing any plans. It turned out later he had herniated discs and unfortunate had to pull out the fight in the end. 






Corey phoned again and said they were teeing me up with an Orthopedic surgeon who looked after the San Diego Chargers Dr Brian Moss. I needed that piece of mind, I deal who are specialists in my sport, the best. They don’t waste time, know their content and treat correctly the first time. Corey could hear by my crackly voice I was still processing the grief ‘remember to breathe tonight, breathe deep, let it go and start the healing process when you wake tomorrow.’ 



Allie went asked me if she should stay home from her date that night, I told her to go and wondered if it would be as successful as the last one. Chrisdell had heard the news and came over to stay the night. She hugged me and told me to reach out to god, leave it in his hands. I would do that later that night. As I explained my situation, that I felt it was too early to leave her she could see I was hurting. She said ‘I look at you like my big sister, you’re always strong and sensible, my voice of reason, to see you so hurt is tearing me apart’ I couldn’t be strong now, I’m always the strong one for everyone, I stand and I deal. I knew tomorrow or the next day I would fine but right now I was a broken woman. I didn’t quite know how to deal with this flood of tears, so I let it go. Being a logical human being VS an emotional one had me struggling with these feelings. Together with news of ChrisDell’s uncle passing earlier
 it topped off what had been a horrible day for her. I felt selfish.

ChrisDell told me Shari I have a soft spot for you, I can never say no to you



ACL tears are so common in stop start sports. The NBA had blowouts all the time I was reminded of Chicago’s Derrick Rose. Kentucky center Nerlens Noel, New York’s Iman Shumpert, Minnesota’s Ricky Rubio, Oklahoma City’s Eric Maynor, Leandro Barbosa & Rajon Rondo Boston Celtics and Lou Williams Atlanta Hawks guard all went down. Washington Redskins QB Robert Griffin III, South Carolina RB Marcus Lattimore, New York Giants CB Terrell Thomas suffered the injury during pre-season practice 2012.






The hurt I felt was nothing related to having surgery or rehab, my body was a well oiled machine. I would lose my fitness and strength quickly but it returned even quicker. I’d had surgery pre Australian season. A breast augmentation, then a double groin hernia which revealed an often un diagnosed very dangerous spitzoid melanoma on my calf. Further surgeries to remove lymph nodes in my groin confirmed the cancer hadn’t spread but left me completely inactive for 3 months. Not just unable to train, unable to cough, laugh or sneeze without immense pain.


I was hurting because I’d played only one game in US, well one game and a few minutes of another. I’d sacrificed so much to get there and had not reached anywhere near my potential as a middle linebacker. I hadn’t satisfied that hunger, it hadn’t even touched the sides! Pain is temporary memories are forever. Right now I don’t want these as memories, I wanted them in my reality, my existence, my everyday. I’d grown very attached to my new friends in Chicago, the city, the people had done so much for me. That’s the part that hurt the most. The unfinished business, the relationships I’d started to build would be cut short. Some I felt a connection with and knew I would be friends with forever. I guess now pen pal friends from a distance. 

It was 2.37am and I was still blogging and researching. I took a vicoprofen hoping it would settle me off and calm my being. Typing slowed becoming more inaccurate as my lids dozed. Before shutting down the computer at 4.06am I came across a Zig Ziglar quote ‘How you see your future is much more important than what has happened in the past.’ Tomorrows another day and I saw a glimmer of hope.